Engagement ring issue

[bettyinok]

Alright, I know I will get blasted with this question but I need honest feedback. Feel free to straighten me out if you think I am way off base!

 

I just received an engagement ring from my much loved now fiance. The shape is pretty, however, I think my fiance went for size and not quality. I would be much happier with a smaller diamond that was quality. I took the ring to a family friend, who is a jeweler, and he said it is very cloudy and not a good diamond.

 

If I ask to go smaller, which really look better on my hand, am I unrealistic or ungrateful? He told me over and over before the engagement that if I didn't like the ring I should say so and we would do something about it. Now I feel as if he spent so much time and energy into this ring that I may want to really think about saying something.

 

I wouldn't say I don't like it, just that I want to go smaller. That way I could have a pretty setting without making the ring even look bigger.

 

I want to love my ring and don't right now. Just seems like a big rock and too gaudy for me. I could really use some advise on what I should do.

 

Thank You.

[Phateless]

Alright, I know I will get blasted with this question but I need honest feedback. Feel free to straighten me out if you think I am way off base!

 

I just received an engagement ring from my much loved now fiance. The shape is pretty, however, I think my fiance went for size and not quality. I would be much happier with a smaller diamond that was quality. I took the ring to a family friend, who is a jeweler, and he said it is very cloudy and not a good diamond.

 

If I ask to go smaller, which really look better on my hand, am I unrealistic or ungrateful? He told me over and over before the engagement that if I didn't like the ring I should say so and we would do something about it. Now I feel as if he spent so much time and energy into this ring that I may want to really think about saying something.

 

I wouldn't say I don't like it, just that I want to go smaller. That way I could have a pretty setting without making the ring even look bigger.

 

I want to love my ring and don't right now. Just seems like a big rock and too gaudy for me. I could really use some advise on what I should do.

 

Thank You.

 

This one is a very tough call. I guess it all depends on your instincts about how he'll take it. You know him better than anyone, I suppose.

 

If it were me, as long as my girl approached me delicately, understanding that this might hurt my feelings, I think I'd be ok.

 

Is it possible for you to ask one or two of his friends if he'd care?

 

Btw, good for you for being concerned with his feelings more so than the ring itself. You have the right attitude, which bodes well for your coming nuptials.

 

Maybe if you approach with something along the lines of, "Hey baby, I love you and I like the ring, but would you mind if we went together to find something that fits my hand a bit better? We can go downtown and look for something together, and then go get lunch at (insert his favorite place here)."

[stampdaddy]

this man wants to marry YOU. If he truly loves you, he would be happy if you wore a cigar band around your finger if you would marry him.. If it is real, deep love for you, then he wants you to be HAPPY with the ring on your finger, right?

 

This is delicate, no doubt, all about the presentation, but the end result is that you two get married and live happily ever after.

 

Tell him to take that piece of sh*t diamond back and get a real one.... no wait, that would be the wrong approach....

[bettyinok]

Thanks a lot for the feedback. I honestly feel sick about hurting his feelings. I know I am not asking for more, actually less! I just want quality and quantity doesn't matter.

 

Should I say anything about the quality or just that I think a smaller diamond would look better? I don't want to offend his taste at all! I know he said over and over that we could go back if I wasn't happy but I do know that he loves this ring and "thinks" he got quality. I too feel terrible if he got ripped off. Any thoughts on if I should just casually bring this up or have a serious conversation to let him know how much thought I have put into this?

 

Also, is it the thought that counts and I should suck it up and forget about having too big of a ring for my hand?

[LakesideDream]

Alright, I know I will get blasted with this question but I need honest feedback. Feel free to straighten me out if you think I am way off base!

 

I just received an engagement ring from my much loved now fiance. The shape is pretty, however, I think my fiance went for size and not quality. I would be much happier with a smaller diamond that was quality. I took the ring to a family friend, who is a jeweler, and he said it is very cloudy and not a good diamond.

 

If I ask to go smaller, which really look better on my hand, am I unrealistic or ungrateful? He told me over and over before the engagement that if I didn't like the ring I should say so and we would do something about it. Now I feel as if he spent so much time and energy into this ring that I may want to really think about saying something.

 

I wouldn't say I don't like it, just that I want to go smaller. That way I could have a pretty setting without making the ring even look bigger.

 

I want to love my ring and don't right now. Just seems like a big rock and too gaudy for me. I could really use some advise on what I should do.

 

Thank You.

 

Go for the gold er... diamonds. Establish your preferences right now, in the beginning of the engagement. Make the foolish baffon realize that it's not the size that matters, it's the quality. (only in diamonds of course).

 

If you let him get you a big gaudy (but cloudy) ring, next he'll want you to have a big car, then a big house. Where will it end? Better to nip it in the bud right now.

 

Show him who wears the pants in your relationship.

[bettyinok]

Go for the gold er... diamonds. Establish your preferences right now, in the beginning of the engagement. Make the foolish baffon realize that it's not the size that matters, it's the quality. (only in diamonds of course).

 

If you let him get you a big gaudy (but cloudy) ring, next he'll want you to have a big car, then a big house. Where will it end? Better to nip it in the bud right now.

 

Show him who wears the pants in your relationship.

 

 

Thank you very much. You don't think he will be offended since he put thought into this ring? It's 2 carrots and I would be fine with a 1 that is clarity...just some additional info:)

[norajane]

2 karats? I'd be a little nervous about wearing such a large stone. It makes you a target for crime, don't you think?

[bettyinok]

2 karats? I'd be a little nervous about wearing such a large stone. It makes you a target for crime, don't you think?

 

I agree, didn't think 2 carrots would actually look this big! My big thing is do I just be happy with ring because it came from his heart? Or do I say gently how am feeling? Is it really worth saying something? Thanks so much!

[norajane]

I agree, didn't think 2 carrots would actually look this big! My big thing is do I just be happy with ring because it came from his heart? Or do I say gently how am feeling? Is it really worth saying something? Thanks so much!

 

What I was trying to say was that you could tell him that it makes you nervous to walk around with such a large, attention-getting ring that could make you a target. That something smaller would make you feel less conspicuous. So you could say that instead of saying you don't like the ring and risking hurting his feelings.

[Lauriebell82]

He told me over and over before the engagement that if I didn't like the ring I should say so and we would do something about it.

 

Okay, now I understand your hesistation, as you don't want to hurt his feelings, but he flat out told you this. Do you think he was BSing you?

 

I like what Norajane said about voicing your concerns about the size rather than the quality. Not just the crime factor, but with a ring that size I would be afraid it would fall off! Mine is 1 carat and I'm afraid it's going to fall off sometimes! (i got it in a little smaller size though to prevent that from happening)

 

Approach the subject delicately. But afterall, this is the man you are going to marry, you need to practice communicating with him regarding your feelings about things, as hard as they may be.

[Phateless]

Thanks a lot for the feedback. I honestly feel sick about hurting his feelings. I know I am not asking for more, actually less! I just want quality and quantity doesn't matter.

 

Should I say anything about the quality or just that I think a smaller diamond would look better? I don't want to offend his taste at all! I know he said over and over that we could go back if I wasn't happy but I do know that he loves this ring and "thinks" he got quality. I too feel terrible if he got ripped off. Any thoughts on if I should just casually bring this up or have a serious conversation to let him know how much thought I have put into this?

 

Also, is it the thought that counts and I should suck it up and forget about having too big of a ring for my hand?

 

The part in bold is what you say to him.

 

DO NOT mention the quality. There is no need to say anything negative.

[2sure]

This is tough.

 

While you are saying you want less as in a smaller stone....what you really are asking for is better. A better quality stone. A clearer stone even though smaller is still probably going to cost more than the larger cloudy stone.

 

So, if you tell him you want a different stone what he going to end up finding out is that you want a more expensive stone.

 

And thats bad.

 

First, do you KNOW that the stone in your ring can be returned to the original jeweler and replaced with a better smaller stone at the same price...if you know this, then your bf will probably be ok with it.

 

But if the jeweler cannot, another jeweler isnt going to give you what your bf paid for it...so there is further loss.

[MSUE]

its ceratinly a tricky one and personally I would accept it for what it is as you aren't truly asking for smaller but for better like 2S said...the meaning of that ring should be more mportant...at least thats how I feel

[samspade]

this man wants to marry YOU. If he truly loves you, he would be happy if you wore a cigar band around your finger if you would marry him.. If it is real, deep love for you, then he wants you to be HAPPY with the ring on your finger, right?

 

You should be asking this question about her. Does she want to marry the man, or the ring? If she truly loves him, it shouldn't matter.

 

OP, I recommend you ask him. If he's perceptive, you'll do him a favor by showing how materialistic you are. Unless, of course, by "quality" you also mean "less expensive."

[Thornton]

I agree, didn't think 2 carrots would actually look this big! My big thing is do I just be happy with ring because it came from his heart? Or do I say gently how am feeling? Is it really worth saying something? Thanks so much!

 

Well, carrots are pretty large vegetables. Ask him to return it and get you a diamond instead of a veggie basket

[Sam Spade]

as far as I'm concerned, any woman who gets any diamond needs to just shut up and be happy . that said, there are many sensible ways to address this as already discussed. I just don't see the point. But then agian, I'm not a woman .

[happylife]

Honesty is definately the best policy. you will wear this ring for the rest of your life so it needs to be right.

Dont mention the quality, maybe get it valued and ask what they have thats smaller bettter quality to replace it with. Tell the jeweller the situation, im sure they'll be helpful. Then say you just happened to see one you prefered and that you always had something else in mind and go together back to the shop to change it.

Why didnt you choose it in the first place?! did he surprise you so you had no choice? in that case he took his chances on you liking it and he must be aware that he may not have got it right, Say you love it but its not for you etc, Good luck, let us know what happens!