Janina Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 I have known this guy for about a year and we have been flirting for most of that time. I am 23 and he is 34. He's in a toxic relationship that frankly, I believe he is just too lazy to get out of. They get along more as friends but haven't had sex in over 6 months. He is extremely busy at work so I can see how he has 'settled' in this situation. I just cannot believe how much I love this man. At first we were just really good friends. We talked about anything and everything, and he has been really generous and supportive. He is also beautiful physically, and I know that he finds me attractive. We've kissed and fondled a few times but I never let it go too far. We are both in transition stages in our lives (I'm finishing school, he's moving jobs) so neither of us is ready for a relationship. Besides that, why would he leave his rich and beautiful gf for me - I feel like i have nothing to offer. I don't have the life experience to completely satisfy him. I just think that I stand no chance so why not put myself out there completely. With other guys I play the game, acting cool and mysterious and never giving myself away. But with this guy, sometimes I can't help but look at him with wonder and just blurt out something like, 'God you are gorgeous.' or 'I really admire your strength of character/wit/intelligence/etc'. He's told me I'm pretty or smart or whatever a few times but they're just off-handed compliments; I don't feel like he means them like I do. I guess my question is, should I try to keep myself in check and become more aloof with him, will that make him see me as more than just a friend with benefits? Or am I reading something into nothing?? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Originally posted by Janina I guess my question is, should I try to keep myself in check and become more aloof with him, will that make him see me as more than just a friend with benefits? Or am I reading something into nothing?? I think it's most likely the latter. You don't know that he's telling you the truth about his relationship with his gf. Haven't had sex for 6 months, huh? That could so easily be a lie, just the sort of lie to get you to soften up for him. People (men or women) who are in committed relationships that they show no signs of leaving are... probably not going to leave their relationships. They might give you a less-than-truthful version of how things are, to gain sympathy or favors. It sounds to me like this guy is playing you for a fool. And you're helping him, convincing yourself of possibilities that may well be only wishful thinking on your part. I think becoming aloof with him is a good idea -- not with the goal of making him come to his senses, but so that you can come to yours. He's not a realistic option, and you would be wise to look elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
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