Trust issues...

[jazzspaz]

Okay, this is kind of a long one.

 

I met this girl on an STD dating site. we started talking in May. We get along well and generally always have something to say to each other, the only problem is 1000 miles of space. When I visited her, we didn't hang out with very many of her friends, most of which are guys. Okay, thats all cool and stuff, started to get worried a little bit because i've been cheated on quite a bit.

 

then since I've been back she tells me her friends are always trying to hook up with a particular guy friend of hers. This guy has slept in her bed, but she claims they "haven't even kissed". I can't help but think otherwise...its tearing me up inside because i want to believe her, and i want this relationship to last well past the time i move down there.

 

last night she was telling me she was drinking with three of her guy friends and she said two of them say they "admire her"...dkavkewllele when does this end. is this normal? is it normal for me to be so suspicious?

 

I sometimes get jealous, but its more or less just feeling like I've always been number two, I have a dreaded inferiority complex.

 

the horriable thing is nothing any of you has to say can make me feel better about the situation between us, I just need some advice. I've already asked her so many questions and i'm sure she's just getting tired of me and wants someone else by now...I don't want to be alone anymore, its been so many years since I've had a woman and now i'm even more depressed now then i was being without anyone at all.

 

help.

[hoping2heal]

Okay, this is kind of a long one.

 

I met this girl on an STD dating site. we started talking in May. We get along well and generally always have something to say to each other, the only problem is 1000 miles of space. When I visited her, we didn't hang out with very many of her friends, most of which are guys. Okay, thats all cool and stuff, started to get worried a little bit because i've been cheated on quite a bit.

 

then since I've been back she tells me her friends are always trying to hook up with a particular guy friend of hers. This guy has slept in her bed, but she claims they "haven't even kissed". I can't help but think otherwise...its tearing me up inside because i want to believe her, and i want this relationship to last well past the time i move down there.

 

last night she was telling me she was drinking with three of her guy friends and she said two of them say they "admire her"...dkavkewllele when does this end. is this normal? is it normal for me to be so suspicious?

 

I sometimes get jealous, but its more or less just feeling like I've always been number two, I have a dreaded inferiority complex.

 

the horriable thing is nothing any of you has to say can make me feel better about the situation between us, I just need some advice. I've already asked her so many questions and i'm sure she's just getting tired of me and wants someone else by now...I don't want to be alone anymore, its been so many years since I've had a woman and now i'm even more depressed now then i was being without anyone at all.

 

help.

 

I know a lot of people will swear that you should be able to do anything you want while in a relationship with your "friends". I personally, think that's a load of BS. You should have friends, but should you be drinking alone with 3 men? No. Not just out of respect for a partner, but you don't want to be taken advantage of. If there was a dollar for every girl who had been date raped, taken advantage of, or sexually assaulted by a male "friend" we could cut the budget defecit in half. Secondly, what is this business about a man sleeping in her bed? I don't care if they did "nothing" sexually, she still acted highly inappropriate. I don't think it's okay that she is repeatedly putting herself in not only unsafe situations, but also inappropriate ones at that. I think if she wants this relationship to work, it's time to gather her wits about her. This is ridiculous.

[somuchpain]

If i were you, id be very very suspicous, if my girl was doing that stuff, id go nuts, really, its ok to feel this way, i think shes being very unfair and not thinking about how you feel about her guy friends. what does she expect you to think after she says iv been drinking with 3 guy friends, jeez.

[Garlic]

That's really rough. You need to talk to her. In my long distance relationship, things didn't sort out until I was willing to drastically reduce my hanging out with my female friends for my SO's sake. If she's not willing to meet you at least partway, and not willing to understand that she's making it very straining for you to trust her, something is going to have to change.

[AnnPod]

I think it's ok to go out with your guy friends (as a girl), also to drink, and also to be the only girl. I do the same. And my boyfriend has female friends as well. I occasionally also HATE the thought of him hanging out with them, but I will request nothing of my bf that I would not like to do myself. I think the both of us feel quite the same about the situation. We just don't talk that much about, because we both don't feel comfortable. After all, we trust each other enough to know where the limits of those things are. There are just some things you can not fix, and the only way to deal with them is not to let them eat you up.

 

BUT: As I said, there are limits. And to sleep in the same bed with another guy is, just like hoping2heal said, not appropriate. And also not to tease you with all kinds of stories around how much fun she has without you with her guys.

 

Nobody wants to be alone, but if that's the only reason why you are with someone, then you should really try to get rid of your feeling inferior and stuff. It is according to my experience never a base for anything. If you are confident you always meet someone, you should never think you depend on anyone, no matter how much you think you love that person.