Chipawaw2 Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Ok a newbie here, with the holidays approaching want to get some insight on how to deal with the Ex and the woman he cheated on me with. Was with a guy for 3 years. Walked in on him and his co-worker having sex. The same woman we argued about the night before and that he SWORE was "just his friend". That was about 2 months ago. Broke off all contact. Well, let me keep it real, I broke it off after he told me "It aint your business who I am with or what I do when I am not with you" (wow). Once I removed myself from that level of drama (because you cant see it when you are in it) I now see that was HIS issue...and the ultimate jedi mind trick to flip the blame. Problem is I will see him next month while working a holiday function. Only to add insult to injury and tell all our mutual friends that "I" was the blame for the demise of the relationship. Those folks will be there too. Oh yea, His new girl will be there too. Heard thru the grape-vine that she is getting a sample of what I endured for 3 years (the horrific cheating). I think what makes me rant is at the time that I busted them, she laughed and smirked at me while he was cursing me out. 1 month later...She waked in on him doing the same thing to her (but she stayed). Is it wrong to let her know I know that what goes around comes around? I will see them both and wonder if anybody has any advice. I dont want him back. Im done with that. It will be uncomfy at best, but I was wondering if I should approach her at the beginning of the party and tell her that Im not tripping off of what they did. She wasnt the 1s person that he cheated on me (come to find out)....but she was the last. Ok....Give it to me (advice). Im a big girl and I can take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Ignore them. Hold your head high and smile. Engaging either of them in conversation will only make them think that they got to you and that you still care. Don't give them that satisfaction. The woman he's with now is not a good woman and karma has already taken care of her. Your ex is an evil a**hole. He too will someday get what's coming to him. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 They are part of your past and have nothing whatsoever to do with you now. There is nothing to be gained by talking to either of them. What did you hope to accomplish by speaking to her? So what if other people smirk - just hold your head up and smile and go on with your life. What your ex does or says has nothing to do with you now. If someone says anything to you just tell them about some things that you are looking forward to in your life and don't fall into a trap of talking about an ex. It's over. You are better for it. Who cares about him, or any of the women he cheats with. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Adding my vote to the rest... The best revenge is 'indifference.' Link to post Share on other sites
Chipawaw2 Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Nothing to be gained. I know its twisted and totally counterproductive, but there is a large part of me that wants her to know I know. You ever heard that expression "It dont make it right...but it sure makes it even"? Ok, Not going to give them the satisfaction. I know its petty. Ok, Ok.. Not going to say a word. Living well is the best revenge. Planning on looking fab, working the party and going on my merry way. But not even a small comment like "Hey I hear your relationship is right on "Target" (the store where she busted him w/another woman"). No? Sometimes you need to just vent and tell your story. That and Just wanted to hear in case I did a Pink Floyd and had a: "momentary lapse in reason". Thanks! Chip Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 hold your head up and practice kindness. If that's too much, then just be polite ... it sounds simplistic, but one of two things will happen: either the other person will continue to act like an *ss and everyone will notice, or (s)he will come around and be nice back. Why waste your energy being angry or fretting over something that's already done? It's just not worth your time, and screw anyone who tells you you need to "get back" at the person who has hurt you. You have the option to be a bigger person, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 "Hey I hear your relationship is right on "Target" (the store where she busted him w/another woman"). No? Too funny!! I LOVE your sense of humor... but bite that witty tongue!! Perhaps you could wear one of the nifty Target tee shirts with the 'bullseye' on the front and hand them out to all the honorary members of your ex's "Target tag team." Putting away the horns and ducking out before the other ladies tar and feather me.... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 You feel bad and you just want to stick the knife in her; hopefully to get her to feel bad, too. Not a very pretty goal, is it? Instead, when you see her, pity her. Thank your lucky stars for her - she helped prove to you what a total jerk this guy was. Imagine if you hadn't found them and you were stumbling along blindly not realizing that he was cheating while others did? No, don't be cruel to her. Be glad she exists - she saved you! Link to post Share on other sites
Chipawaw2 Posted November 13, 2003 Share Posted November 13, 2003 Ok. I wont be cruel to her (I promise). But I did enjoy the T-Shirt idea. You are right....She did "Save me" from that maddness. So...Should I at least extend a heartfelt "Thank you"? No. All jokes aside, it really does suck. And I wish they wernt going to be there...but they are so thats thats. But telling my story and venting about it a little here at the L Shack helps. Thanks! I assure you all your sound advice wont go to waste. Chip Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 That's right Chipawaw - Walk into that job function like you own it. Have the biggest chip on your shoulder!!! Like Iamnotnothing said, don't give them that satisfaction of seeing you miserable. If you have to engage in conversation, be extremely pleasant. Ever heard the expression, "Kill them with kindness"? It's good to hear that you don't want him back. Look at her - you said that he did the same thing to her and she stayed. That should tell you a little something about her. SHE IS WEAK AND PATHETIC!!! Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 One last thing regarding the comment about the mutual friends. If they have half a brain and are at all observant, they know the real story. Most of them have probably lost all respect for him. Loved your 'Target' comeback. Also the part about the 'ultimate Jedi mind trick'. If you wrote a book about it, I'd buy it! Link to post Share on other sites
moonspinner Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Revenge is a dish best taken off the menu. Link to post Share on other sites
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