EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 so my ex and i are talking again. we went to the movies last night. i refused to hook up with him because i dont want him to think he can just have me whenever he wants. he questioned me about a guy that keeps writing on my wall and i told him he was just a friend i actually made out with this kid once, and he really likes me is always texting me really sweet things and calling me but im not attracted to him like that. he seems way too clingy and way too into me. anyway he texted me last night and i opened the text in front of my ex and my ex was kinda like hmm whos that. do i tell my ex about him? and if i do should i tell him the kid just has an innocent crush or that i hooked up with him? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 You are ex's, so why is it his business who you've been dating? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 So youre using the other kid to make your ex jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 i actually made out with this kid once, and he really likes me is always texting me really sweet things and calling me but im not attracted to him like that. he seems way too clingy and way too into me.Personally, that guy sounds a LOT better than a guy who is likely to think he can have you whenever he wants. Guys who say really sweet things and call you...they're special. I'll bet if your ex did that, you'd still be together. Why are you hanging out with your ex again? You want him back? Then he can have you whenever he wants. All he has to do is just be nice to you for a little while, make some more empty promises, and then he has you and can go back to being a jerk who thinks he can have you whenever he wants. But you didn't ask about learning the difference between decent guys and not decent guys and giving the decent guys a chance instead of hanging on to the bad ones. No, don't tell your ex who the friend is. It will drive your ex crazy not to know, so you have a better chance making him jealous and getting him back, which is what you want, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 no i dont want to make him jealous. its very annoying when hes jealous of someone im friends with or talking to because then he wont stop bothering me about it. i just feel guilty lying about it thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 i just feel guilty lying about it thats all. Yeah...I'd suggest to set a boundary so that you do not feel obligated to reveal information that you do not WANT to reveal just because you don't want to lie about it. Tell your ex firmly that you are NOT going to talk about what may or may not be going on in your dating life. Period. Tell him it is an off-limits subject, and if he can't handle it, then he has the freedom of choice to get lost. And if he continues to ask about it, then you will exercise YOUR freedom of choice to stop getting together with him and subjecting yourself to his unwanted questions Link to post Share on other sites
greenparrot Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 yeah dont tell him, you shouldnt even be going out with him unless he wants to work things out with you. And the other guy saying sweet things, is qualified as clingy? Man nice guys are always the last, Im learning this every day. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 no i dont want to make him jealous. its very annoying when hes jealous of someone im friends with or talking to because then he wont stop bothering me about it. i just feel guilty lying about it thats all. Maybe it's best not to try to be friends with him, then. It's not lying; it's protecting someone else's privacy, as well as your own. It's disrespectful to the nice guy to kiss and tell. It's none of your ex's business what you do or who you do it with, and it's none of his business what kind of relationship you have with anyone else. If your ex can't deal with that, then he can't really be your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 im not looking to be my ex's friend. i told him that . im pretty sure he wants to work things out..hes been trying to hangout and "talk" for the past couple of weeks. hes told me he missed me and wanted to see me several times.i went no contact on him for 3 weeks last night i told him i didnt wanna hook up with him because i didnt want to just jump back into something without him proving himself to me. he told me he understood and asked me to hangout again today. thats why im thinking maybe telling him the truth will show him im mature and that he can trust me? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 So why exactly did you breakup again? I don't know your story, quick summary please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 we dated for about a year broke up several times for really dumb things, we both had trust issues because of our exes and their cheating ways. after our last break up, we were talking again and kind of back together. i was feeling suspicious one day and found flirty texts to and from a girl the day we started talking again, so i told him i just couldnt do it anymore. after investigating the whole thing, they really meant nothing and the two were just being silly and joking around. i know it was innapropriate and he knows that now too after realizing how much he hurt me because of silly texts. and i know i shouldnt have been going through his phone, he can do what he wants and should have his own privacy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 weve been broken up since may, for a month and half i was really pathetic begging him back etc. finally got enough stregnth to go no contact for three weeks and gave him the chance to miss me and clear his head, and now hes trying to talk and hangout again.. Link to post Share on other sites
NightLord1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 so my ex and i are talking again. we went to the movies last night. i refused to hook up with him because i dont want him to think he can just have me whenever he wants. he questioned me about a guy that keeps writing on my wall and i told him he was just a friend i actually made out with this kid once, and he really likes me is always texting me really sweet things and calling me but im not attracted to him like that. he seems way too clingy and way too into me. anyway he texted me last night and i opened the text in front of my ex and my ex was kinda like hmm whos that. do i tell my ex about him? and if i do should i tell him the kid just has an innocent crush or that i hooked up with him? To all guys...take a note of whats in bold text there. You wouldn't be on this forum posting about breaks up with your woman if you were not like that with them. Again straight from the horse's mouth if you will that women do not like this kind of behavior from a dude. Anyway...Seems to me like you do want to make him jealous...you still seem to want him back from what you are saying here why else go out with him? Maybe you don't consciously even realize you are trying to do that but why are you going to keep this "friend" around for if you are not attracted to him but you kissed him anyway? If you keep this other guy around and don't tell him how you feel your going to string him along and do what your ex did to you I would imagine by giving you false hope of hooking up with you. So I again I ask you...why keep talking to this guy when your not attracted to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 To all guys...take a note of whats in bold text there. You wouldn't be on this forum posting about breaks up with your woman if you were not like that with them. Again straight from the horse's mouth if you will that women do not like this kind of behavior from a dude. Anyway...Seems to me like you do want to make him jealous...you still seem to want him back from what you are saying here why else go out with him? Maybe you don't consciously even realize you are trying to do that but why are you going to keep this "friend" around for if you are not attracted to him but you kissed him anyway? If you keep this other guy around and don't tell him how you feel your going to string him along and do what your ex did to you I would imagine by giving you false hope of hooking up with you. So I again I ask you...why keep talking to this guy when your not attracted to him? im sorry to be honest but yea alot of girls dont like it when a guy is too easy, just like a guy doesnt like it when a girl is too easy. im not trying to keep him around i kissed him ONCE when i was drunk and he literally will not take the hint that im not interested in getting MARRIED right now. he told his mom about me and always talks to my good friend about me and how he doesnt want me to leave for school and that he cant wait to visit me. i get constand texts about how happy i make him when i DONT TALK TO HIM. he asks me out all the time and im super busy and say no. he knows i just got out of a serious relationship. he just got out of a seven year relationship and i think just making out with someone made him really happy. and im sorry for the honest but, to me its clingy and not attractive when a guy tries THAT hard. and im pretty sure i said i dont want to make him jealous. I FEEL GUILTY. Link to post Share on other sites
NightLord1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Well then I believe it is time that you tell this dude that you are just not interested in him like that. You would be better off telling him the truth then you would be him thinking there is a chance with you. Better to lay it out there then keep up the charade you know? Maybe if you tell him bluntly he'll then have the blinders removed and he'll leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 yes i know that i wasnt asking about that. i was asking if i should tell my ex i hooked up with someone. and i got my answer. thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
NightLord1 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Maybe it wasn't what you were asking about outright but it was part of the thread so had to ask about it. Regards Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 so my ex and i are talking again. we went to the movies last night. i refused to hook up with him because i dont want him to think he can just have me whenever he wants. he questioned me about a guy that keeps writing on my wall and i told him he was just a friend i actually made out with this kid once, and he really likes me is always texting me really sweet things and calling me but im not attracted to him like that. he seems way too clingy and way too into me. anyway he texted me last night and i opened the text in front of my ex and my ex was kinda like hmm whos that. do i tell my ex about him? and if i do should i tell him the kid just has an innocent crush or that i hooked up with him? Well, firstly what is going on with this ex? Are you two currently trying to work things out and reach a state of reconciliation? About the other guy, you say you are not into him like that, but he texts you sweet things and seems very into you. Does he know you are not interested in him at all romantically? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 So you let this other kid keep texting you sweet things because you like the attention, is that why you dont want to tell him youre not interested and that he needs to stop contacting you? Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 so my ex and i are talking again. we went to the movies last night. i refused to hook up with him because i dont want him to think he can just have me whenever he wants. he questioned me about a guy that keeps writing on my wall and i told him he was just a friend i actually made out with this kid once, and he really likes me is always texting me really sweet things and calling me but im not attracted to him like that. he seems way too clingy and way too into me. anyway he texted me last night and i opened the text in front of my ex and my ex was kinda like hmm whos that. do i tell my ex about him? and if i do should i tell him the kid just has an innocent crush or that i hooked up with him? I would only tell him if you think you're going to get back with your ex; otherwise, it's really not important. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 If you think you may get back together with your ex, you should tell him. Otherwise, if he finds out he won't be able to trust you. Tell the other guy flat out that you don't like him. Don't sugar coat it or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 If you think you may get back together with your ex, you should tell him. Otherwise, if he finds out he won't be able to trust you. Tell the other guy flat out that you don't like him. Don't sugar coat it or anything. aah now i have two people saying to tell him! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 If the two of you are getting back together, he needs to know the truth. So, now you have 3 people saying to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Considering all this stuff you wrote in your thread about how to know if you should give someone a second chance, I'd say you should be more concerned about what your ex is telling you or not telling you about who he's hooked up with and what he's up to, rather than worrying about one kiss you had once with someone when you were single. And since your ex doesn't even want to talk to you about any of this stuff, you might reconsider whether you want to spend time with him. for one, he just has a really outgoing personality and is really cute and it makes alot of girls flirt with him, and sometimes he can be a little flirty back. he would go to parties where a girl he had sex with when he was really drunk was always be there everytime he went and also played on a volleyball team with her, so that kind of bothered me cuz i know their still friendly. the first weekend we started dating, i got a friend request from a girl and noticed all her statuses when i accepted. they were all about him and her hanging out. i confronted him and he told me she had a crush on him and was trying to get her ex jealous by putting his name all over her wall. i think thats what made our relationship rocking from the start. also theres this one girl that texts and calls him ALL THE TIME. i was there a couple of times when shed call and hed be like this girl is crazy. shes his good friends ex g/f. the breaking point was when i went through his phone and saw texts to a from a girl being very flirtacious to eachother. and then the girl that would call and text him all the time sent him a text saying : you should come home and cuddle naked with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 i told him. at first he took it well. now hes not. he doesnt know if he wants to work it out anymore. i thought he was getting with other girls all summer but apparently he hasnt and hes just hurt by the fact that i started to move on. idk im really upset right now because i was honest with him and thought it would lay the groundwork for honest and trust in our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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