boogieboy Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Nope, just the opposite, it makes him wonder where he is inadequate that you wont tell him about, and he wonders how much more you did that you wont tell. Hes dealt with liars before, so even if you told the absolute truth, he will have doubt now. Maybe he just needs time to relax and think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Your ex should not be your friend unless you can tell him these things...if you find out that you think twice about it and feel awkward about it, then you guys shouldn't be friends. It's really that simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 were not trying to be friends, were trying to work it out . Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 should i just go back to not talking to him? i feel as if i ruined things. hes very mad and very hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Okay, here's the deal: THERE ARE NO CONTRACTS IN DATING. That is, to say, that when you are dating casually, you don't have to choose "just one." Date both of these guys for awhile, then choose. (Just don't be hooking up with either, because that's a little trashy, IMO) It sounds to me like one has a tug on your heart because now he's offering the thing you couldn't have and it's very desireable. Then, you've got a tug on your head because this other guy (who you don't value as much) is doing all of the right things. Let it all play out and have some fun. Don't make life so serious. Date both - and be open about it if you think that's appropriate. But, please, don't tie yourself up to someone who recently rejected you unless he's willing to offer the same AND make the changes you need to have a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 If you werent with your ex at the time, theres no need to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 were not trying to be friends, were trying to work it out . You were broken up and went on a date with someone else. That's how it works. Did he expect you to stay single forever? If he can't get over that, then that really is his issue, what more can you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 wow georgia...i like your advice and northstar you are very right. you guys are making everything seem alot less serious then it is and are calming me down a bit. he's the one that didnt want to be with me in the beginning of summer, and all of a sudden now wants me back.i was single, drunk and having a little bit of fun, i shouldnt feel guilty about it and he shouldnt make me feel bad about it. what did he expect me to do sit and mope all summer about him? i knew i shouldnt of told him there was nothing to gain from telling him the truth.now hes just pissed off and doesnt want me. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 There was nothing wrong with it. If you break up with someone, part of the end result is that they have every right to date someone else at some point. You told him. Nothing more you can do. Either he deals with it, gets over it and can move forward, or he can't. My bet is he will if he is serious about dating you again. Just leave him be for now. Don't feel guilty at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 aww thank you so much! everythings back into perspective now if he calls me tonight and tries to argue about it or make me feel bad , should i put it into perspective for him ? Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 This will be a test of Love. If you can both get over it then you will be stronger for it. Did he hook up with anyone else? If he says no he could be lying. I would just be honest with him and tell him that yes, you did. It was never an issue who you both last slept with when you first met, so why should it be an issue now??? Esentially you are both starting again Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 he says he hasnt, i think hes lying. he pushed me away for over two months after a one year relationship, and i think he had a distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 sounds suspicious to me ... he would say no to make himself look the good guy, and make you feel bad. I would just tell him. if he can't handle it , you guys couldn't work. relatiships are about trust and honesty. you must be able to communicate Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 were not trying to be friends, were trying to work it out . So can we be especially clear here? At the time this happened, what exactly was your status? It's clear you weren't "together", but were you taking some kind of a "break" and "trying to work it out" at that time, or were you apart? If you were apart, then it's none of his business, but if you choose to tell him, it's a measure of his maturity as to how he handles it (and he's not doing to well, if you were apart, and he's giving you grief for going on a date.) i knew i shouldnt of told him there was nothing to gain from telling him the truth.now hes just pissed off and doesnt want me. Ahhh, but maybe that's exactly why it's a good thing you did tell him. Doesn't this give you some insight into his emotional maturity? Something you would not have seen, perhaps until later... Bottom line: if you were officially "apart" then it's not a surprise that he may feel some jealousy as you try to get back together, but he shouldn't place blame or guilt on you - his jealousy is completely his burden to bear, and again, how he handles it is an interesting insight into his soul, isn't it? (On the other hand, if you were officially "trying to work it out" at the time this happened, then things are a little different, and I can imagine him feeling hurt that you went outside... I don't get the sense that that's the case, but can you clarify?) Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 We were not together at the time. I had stopped talking to him two weeks before. As a matter of fact on the day I hooked up with the other kid, my ex told me he wasn't in love with me and never was. He takes that back now, and I think he said it to get a reaction out of me. Boy, did he get one. I really thought my ex and I were finished for good when this whole thing happened. Now three weeks later, he wants to work things out. I hate hiding things so I told him. N I really think he's lying about not hooking up with neone. He told me yesterday he has to think about things. Before I went to bed saying I don't no what u need to think about but I did nothing wrong. Then I said I think ur not being honest with me, and til u can be I think we shouldn't talk. He later called me three times around 2am but I was asleep. Should I go back to no contact so he realizes how silly he's being, or just be nice and keep low contact? And do I say anything more about me thinking he's lying about not getting with neone? Link to post Share on other sites
crackerjax9 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I don't think hell give u an honest response. He's going to make u feel bad about it for a bit. And if he can't let it go ditch him. Link to post Share on other sites
llala Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 i wouldnt . Because deep inside hell feel like ur trying to make u jealous and lower you in his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 haha too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 12, 2009 Author Share Posted August 12, 2009 so after fighting about it for a day, he asked me to go to the movies for the second time in four days. i went. nothing was brought up about the other kid. my ex wanted to hook up but i wouldnt. im trying not to rush into things. now hes calling me today, questioning me about my makeout session with this guy. hes asking me for details and to go over the night it happened. i told him no, thats stupid. im not talking about it. now hes freaking out about getting herpes asking me if he had herpes , what happens if i have herpes and gave it to him... like wtf is going on! Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 so after fighting about it for a day, he asked me to go to the movies for the second time in four days. i went. nothing was brought up about the other kid. my ex wanted to hook up but i wouldnt. im trying not to rush into things. now hes calling me today, questioning me about my makeout session with this guy. hes asking me for details and to go over the night it happened. i told him no, thats stupid. im not talking about it. now hes freaking out about getting herpes asking me if he had herpes , what happens if i have herpes and gave it to him... like wtf is going on! Your boyfriend is acting like a child. Seriously, tell him to stop bringing it up, and it's becoming annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 i told him to drop it, told him he was the one that let me go, i wanted to be with him and he chose not to. i was single and having a good time. his response was : are u that desperate? u have to hook up with someone right away? ... i hooked up with the kid 2 months after we broke up he just keeps bringing it up. i know i just told him a couple of days ago but will it ever go away? i told him if he doesnt drop it and cant get over it, that we should stop talking. hes making me really upset. if i knew he would react this way i wouldve just lied to him. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 i told him to drop it, told him he was the one that let me go, i wanted to be with him and he chose not to. i was single and having a good time. his response was : are u that desperate? u have to hook up with someone right away? ... i hooked up with the kid 2 months after we broke up he just keeps bringing it up. i know i just told him a couple of days ago but will it ever go away? i told him if he doesnt drop it and cant get over it, that we should stop talking. hes making me really upset. if i knew he would react this way i wouldve just lied to him. Be thankful you didn't lie. He might be hurt right now (which is what it really is) but getting over hurt is one thing, especially when you did nothing wrong; you had been broken up a few months and HE dumped you. You aren't wrong for living your life. If you would of lied though, you would be dealing with hurt AND broken trust, and since this involves another guy you can bet it would of torn things in a very severe way. He's hurt right now, yes he does need to let it go you haven't done anything wrong, but it's only been a few days. Let him come to his senses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EmptyPromises Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 yea, but maybe he can come to his senses by leaving me alone for while. he came back to ME wanting to work things out. and he's already making me feel like ***** . if he's confused again , he can take however long he wants to decide what he wants. i dont need to be lead on in the meantime. i grew up alot in the 3 months that we were broken up and one thing i learned is that im not going to take **** from anyone anymore. if he wants to make this work he has to start treating me better and show me some respect. i was sooo in love with him that i was blinded from the problems in the relationship. i really think i was starting to find myself again. i lost who i was being with someone for that long of a time. and im not going to let him or anyone else let me forget who i really am. if he loves me he really has to start proving it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 i told him to drop it, told him he was the one that let me go, i wanted to be with him and he chose not to. i was single and having a good time. his response was : are u that desperate? u have to hook up with someone right away? ... i hooked up with the kid 2 months after we broke up he just keeps bringing it up. i know i just told him a couple of days ago but will it ever go away? i told him if he doesnt drop it and cant get over it, that we should stop talking. hes making me really upset. if i knew he would react this way i wouldve just lied to him. No way - if you had lied you wouldn't know what kind of guy he really is! And it turns out he's a dick. You can do better. All you did was kiss some guy 2 months after you and your ex had broken up. If he can't handle that, he's immature and is just going to make you miserable. You said that when you questioned him about all those girls he was flirting with, and about his ex that he played volleyball with, and about those flirtatious phone calls, and about the girl who had all that stuff on her facebook about him...he just kept saying, "I know, I know" in order to shut you up so you wouldn't keep talking about it anymore? Why don't you do that to him? "I know, I know, you're jealous. Let's move on." Link to post Share on other sites
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