just found out my ex is sleeping with someone else

[nobandaid]

I don't know what to do.. I don't even have the energy to type I am so miserable. I went out tonight, to a club. Saw a mutual friend of ours there and she told me that he is sleeping with someone else. Apparently they're just "f*** buddies" but I am so torn apart. My heart is aching. I have vomited for the past three hours. I spoke to him 2 weeks ago and slept with him less than three weeks ago. I can't believe that he could do this to me. Especially after telling me he never wanted to see me again for going for dinner with a guy.

 

ahhh what do I do? I am going crazy and the worst part is that I know the girl. Apparently she's sleeping with his friends too. What the f***?? Who does that?

 

He was my first. I have not even contemplated sleeping with anyone since the breakup. How could he tell me that he loved me two weeks ago then go f*** someone else? What a bastard. I feel like writing him a message saying I'm sorry that I ever met him, i regret the past two years and I hope that he rots in hell. I just tore up photos of us. I can't get the imagery of him sleeping with someone else out of my mind. He was the one who said to me, a few weeks ago : "The second that another guy is inside you swear to me that you will never ever think of me again."

 

I am so lost and hurting so much. The tears dont stop flowing, I am a wreck.

 

Please help, anyone.

[quankanne]

what a class act jerk! you are much better off without that callous creep, and while it hurts to have to deal with all this, know that time heals your wounds. Sort of being the "sadder but wiser" girl that Robert Preston sings of in "The Music Man" (well maybe not exactly like that kind of girl, but close!).

 

 

for what it's worth, this has been a learning experience for you. What you get from it, only you can decide, but I guarantee, you won't fall for smooth lies like his again.

 

now, gather up your broken heart, and take pride in the fact that you haven't sunk down to his level. Chin up, and just smile sweetly when you see him, because it's his loss, not yours. There are many decent guys out there who will treat you properly, just remember that.

 

if you like, I can loan you my older sister, who has got her own fool-proof plan for exacting revenge on wayward lovers: when she found out that her husband was cheating on her, she planned a night of good lovin' that he wouldn't ever forget. After they "finished," she took a two-by-four and smacked his peenie really hard . Husband No. 2 knew what happened to Husband No. 1, and has been very, very faithful to my sister.

 

you'll be okay, I promise. tell yourself that he's not worth jeopardizing your well-being over, and that there ARE good guys out there. And a really mean Mexican mamacita who knows how to wield a piece of lumber (have wood, will travel)...

 

quank

[UCFKevin]

Wow.

 

Well, for one thing, you guys aren't together, so you have no right to berate him for sleeping with someone else. He might be doing it to get over you. It might be stupid but it's what people do sometimes. If a relationship is over, some people don't dwell, they immediately just move on.

 

And regarding what was said a few weeks ago, A LOT can happen in a few weeks.

 

Just deal with it and move on, that's all you can really do.

[BraveGirl]

What we all dread has happened to you, and will happen to others of us sooner or later, maybe it even is and we don't know it.

I honestly don't know how I would bear it. I would be crying too of course.

 

There is just one consolation though - the fact that she is sleeping with his freinds too (is that really what you said?)

If so, how disgusting!!!

If so, you can be sure there is nothing but male testosterone involved, no feelings.

 

It's a sad but very true fact of life that men will have sex just for the sex more than us girls on the whole (sorry men!) You have to know that it will very very likely be completely meaningless for him, esp if he is sharing her!!

 

When I think of how I will cope with my ex being with another girl at some future time, I console myself with the sure thought that he won't like it as much as he did with me. Sounds arrogant but I believe it.

 

Cry, call friends if you possibly can, let them tell you what a loser he is, and believe them. You may still love him but this may just put you off him a bit after the initial shock.

 

Take care, take a day off work if you can't cope, or if it will help to be at work with people, go.

[UCFKevin]

if you like, I can loan you my older sister, who has got her own fool-proof plan for exacting revenge on wayward lovers: when she found out that her husband was cheating on her, she planned a night of good lovin' that he wouldn't ever forget. After they "finished," she took a two-by-four and smacked his peenie really hard

 

 

Are you serious?

 

That's assault with a deadly weapon. I hope she went to jail for that. Jesus.

[flsgirl]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It sucks very much, especially finding out the person you're in love with has been with another person shortly since your break up. I don't know if this helps or not, but I've done a lot of reading on how men and women respond differently to things. Women tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve and openly grieve the loss of a relationship. Men, on the other hand, don't deal with it. They think that if they date someone else, it will help them forget about a woman faster. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you, they just deal with it differently. I'm not saying that all men do this, but a lot do. That's why their called rebounds. They usually don't last.

 

My advice to you is to STOP any contact with him. You can't do this and expect him to want to get back with you. You don't want to be seen as the psycho ex-girlfriend. Now is the time to worry about YOU not him. Go get a massage, haircut, pedicure (etc). Go on a shopping spree. Have a lot of friends around you. The point is that you have to move on with your life without him. Don't let him dominate your life.

 

Just remember that things happen for a reason. Good luck

[UCFKevin]

That is a verrrrry inaccurate generalization.

 

My girlfriend, or ex, it seems, doesn't give a flying f*ck about our breakup, at least she doesn't let on, and it's been driving me insane.

 

Guys aren't the stoic, "ah who cares" creatures like everyone thinks.

[NatoPMT]

Hi nobandaid

 

ride it out, it feels like it will last forever, but you have found out something this horrible quite early on, it will help you move on faster, dont think about his lack of respect for you as its not out of lack of respect as the other posts say, its your lack of respect for him for doing shallow misbehaviour that you should focus on. Kevin is quite right, you arent together, he owes you nothing, but he could conduct himself with some decorum - its not a case of him not wanting to be with you, its a case of you being on your way to not wanting to be with him.

 

big hug for you, poppet

[NatoPMT]

ps it may be a generalization, but as he's doing the f*cking, its a safer assumption to assume he fits into that generalization than you blokes on here would fit into it. did that make sense? i do hope so

[nobandaid]

bigbelm, i didn't really understand your first post.. are you saying that I was shallowly misbehaving?? Anyway...we should clear that up perhaps...

 

quank - thank you for your post, it put a big smile on my face, actually I was laying in bed giggling about it at 5am!! Certainly that's not true... (?!) haha

 

I agree to an extent that I have no right to interfere with this new "f*** buddy" of his, but I do have a right to be upset about this, even distraught.

 

It's funny how 12 hours ago I would have taken him back in a heartbeat...now there is absolutely NO CHANCE of us ever being "one" ever again. I am so angry...I hate him so much right now..I wish I didn't love him, I just want to stop hurting.

 

I have also been told that this was perhaps just a set-up to hurt me. Either way I don't think it makes much of a difference. It hurts just the same whether or not it's true.

 

Oh, and lastly, we're both only 19. Two weeks at our age isn't a very long time in the way of "moving on.." We waited two months before we slept together when we first started dating...it's a shock that he has gone and slept with someone within these two weeks when everything has dragged on for so long...it has suddenly ended with a BANG.

 

Should I write him some sort of message or something or should I not stoop to his level?

 

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

 

Natalie

[BraveGirl]

Don't get paranoid !!- bigbelm meant You should not respect His shallow behaviour - sorry for butting in bigbelm but don;t want N here even more worried..

 

Keep going

BraveGirl

[NatoPMT]

nooooo!!! i was saying that hes shallowly misbehaving in what hes doing, so your respect for him - although you may not realise it yet - will be waning. i KNEW i wasnt making sense tonight.

 

i know its a small comfort to imagine that this is a set up, there is a tiny chance the info is wrong, and if hes that desperate to hurt you, then i would still feel the same necrosis for the relationship and you are right to not to care either way. adda girl.

 

on the message thing, its cold comfort - but maybe its better comfort than none at all. i would say dont bother, but you do what you feel is right.

[NatoPMT]

ta brave, thats exactly what i meant. you can do all my talking for me from now on.

[BraveGirl]

I don't want to do your talking for you bigbelm,sorry, just did incase you'd gone and N was going to worry.

I'm not feeling good on advice, don't even know how to ask for it at the moment!

 

oh **** isn't this all so hard.

[just_bella]

I know how you feel. I am in your shoes. I was in a 4 yr relationship that recently ended. And not even a 3 weeks go by he already was seeing someone new. It hurts so much that someone who love you can move on so quickly. But this is what happens! People tend to goto the first person who is there for them. It helps ease their pain. They use someone to help redeem his self worth. The new relationship usually is a rebound if it is shortly after a major emotionally invested relationship. As you & I turn to friends for supports. Guys tend to turn to the girl's embrace for their support.

 

Run...don't walk. He is not worth your time. If he can't realize how special you are then he is the fool. And trust me Karma is a B*tch. He will get his or a STD!

 

Take care Sweetie!!!

[funk4all88]

That is terrible! Im so sorry that happend to you let alone anyone. What is really scary though is that my best friend(a girl) can't let go of her cheating bf. He mentally abuses her, sleeps with other girls, touches her non-consenually, and lives very far away(hes in college). She finally saw the light with the help of me and her other best friend, dumped him ,but APOLOGIZED 2 HIM! He treats her like a dog, litterally. He says things like "You are being disrespectful to me" or "Don't talk to your friends, you can only hang out with these ppl". Yet she still cant quite let go, since they were together for 2 and a half years. We really don't know what to do. Hes playing head games now. He says he doesnt know if he can forgive her. When I heard he said that I almost laffed, cried, and threw up all at once.

 

Now, how do I stop this? I helped convinced her once to dump him and she has, but she cant let go? What can I do as her friend? HELP PLEEZ!!!!!!