Why does my ex keep texting me.. ???

[sharkb8]

This is my first post. Any comments and advice are greatly appreciated!

 

Well to give you a little background info...my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 years. She is 20 and i'm 26. The relationship was great as far as chemistry, we got a long great, have the same interest, we generally had fun together. One of our issues was that she fell in love with me before I did. She was very upset when she found out I didnt feel the same. I reassured her everything would be ok with us because i truly did love her and felt that I would fall in love with her. That was more than a year ago and we got past this, I did eventually fall in love with her I'm in love with her now. However, she always felt that I didnt show her enough attention. There was always complaints that I didn't go see her enough, pick her up from work enough...things like that. During the time she complained, I felt she was just being clingy because I used to come see her when i could out the week and spend the weekend with her. Not to mention take her out on fridays and saturdays faithfully.

 

Another major problem in our relationship was that I still keep in touch with an ex gf of mine through facebook and sometimes we would go out with mutual friends, my gf would get jealous because she couldnt come along bc she's not 21. She told me she did not approve of me and my ex's relationship. i felt like it shouldnt be a problem b/c our relationship was literally 10 years old...we were 16 and my feelings for this girl were long gone. we just became good friends over the years my family knows her family vice-versa and we have mutual friends. I just felt like she was trying to control me and she just had trust issues. I was nothing but honest with her.

 

So here's where the real troubles start, about 3 months ago. She starts telling me that she's real stressed out and she doesnt know whats going on with her. She doesn't feel the same way about anything in her life, she says she didnt want this to effect out relationship...she really loves me and that she doesnt want to mess anything up. So I start trying to be there for her more, show her I care, give her my undivided attention, doing special things for her that i usually didnt do. I sensed she started pulling away from me more and eventually she needed "space" from me but she didnt know why. I finally made her give me the real reason she needed space and she says she's having a hard time getting over what i've put her through in the past. (i guess me neglecting her) She kinda like resented me but she claimed she was still in love with me and didnt want to lose me.

 

I guess the best thing I shoulda did was give her the space she asked for but I panicked and tried to be there for her more. I felt like if she saw that I changed she would reconsider. I also sensed that she was seeing someone else so there was no way I was going to let another dude take what was mine. I did eventually find out that she had a new "friend" but she claims they are just friends nothing more! I know this is probably BS. But anywho lets fastfoward to the actual breakup.

 

4 nights ago she tells me its over. She says she doesn't feel the same way because of all the sh*t in the past. She feels all of my attempts are just because she's pushing me away. She says things would still be the same way if she wasn't pulling away. She also adds in when she thinks about the future she sees me in it. But right now...she just can't get over it. I begged and pleaded with her that night. I told her she was my best friend, she says no im not u have other friends sarcastically(i guess she was refering to my ex) I already knew that begging and pleading was a big no no because I had been coming to this site when we were going through the "space" thing. So after the beggin and pleading didn't work I drop her off...she's like call me when u get in the house. i tell her thats not a good idea and she gets out my car. I decided to go NC. The next day she text me saying 'how r u'. I didnt respond. The next day she sends a text 'I just wanted to let you know, I was thinking about you' I didnt respond. This morning she send me a text saying 'i just got attacked', IDK LOL. around 3 pm I started worrying and gave her a call back, no answer, left her a pleasant message asking if everything was ok and to call me if she wanted to talk.

 

The questions I have are: Do you think her excuse for breaking up is just that, and excuse b/c she found someone else? Does she keep texting me cause she thinks she made a mistake? As it is now do u think there's still a chance to get her back? Did I make a mistake by breaking NC, did that show her that I'm still weak? Do you think I was wrong about the decision I made about the prior ex gf?

 

Sorry this is soo long.....

[boogieboy]

Dood, my ex did the same BS that your ex did. Heres the cliffnotes of your situation.

 

1.) Shes full of shyt. She fell out of love for you, possibly for the reason that she said, but you never know with these kind of women.

 

2.) She is seeing the new guy, and probably was when she was giving you all the BS. So she isnt confused, she knows exactly what she wants, and she isnt coming back, get that in your head. Once the love is gone, it doesnt come back. If you keep talking to her, it helps her get over you quicker while you suffer. As you know, thats what NC is for.

 

3.) When she texts you saying:

'how r u'

'I just wanted to let you know, I was thinking about you'

It is her trying to stay in your head, keep tabs on you, and make sure that you are still after her. Its an ego boost and nothing else.

 

4.) when she texts you with 'i just got attacked', it is just her trying to get a reaction out of you since you ignored her.

 

Keep ignoring her, she is a lost cause. Thats why when you called she didnt answer. It will drive her nuts, but she will never go backwards, so forget about her. If you answer her, she will only say "what r u up to" and then after you give her the answer she will ignore you after that.

 

Knowing that she now only wants to use you for an ego boost and nothing else, shows what kind of person she really is, and you dont want that. let the new guy have her, theres nothing you can do but ignore her and move on.

 

if she SEES that you moved on quickly, she will get jealous and really do crazy things. I suggest that you at least make it look like you moved on so she can pay emotionally for doing this to you.

[greenparrot]

Hmm well look I think she was unsure of you and your feelings and eventually started building a back up plan while with you. Space is obviously for her to go out with someone else. My ex told me the same thing, adding she didnt feel like dating anyone since she wad stressed out with classes, only to find out a week later she dates someone else.

 

The texts are probably out of guilt and her boost. My ex keeps texting me things like I miss you, ir want yo start from scratch with you,etc. I break NC with hopes of what she says is true, only for her to bounce off and break my heart again.

 

If they really want us back, they would say it period. You already did your part telling her how you feel and asking her back. Go nc, I already broke it millions of times and it made me feel worse.

[lokster]

oh dude. your her safety net, if it doesnt work out with him at least she'll still have you.

 

im in for the same thing except instead of just texts we spend time online and she makes an effort to go online and chat with me =/

[sharkb8]

She called me back 3 hrs later. I didnt answer...this time she left a VM, with a sad voice saying 'I was just calling, call me back when u get a chance'. She also text me like 3 minutes later ' can you call me please'. This **** really sucks....if they have no intentions on getting back together, they should just leave u alone. It hurts but despite the truth I still have this false hope that maybe she'll come to her senses and come back. She'll realize what she's lost and change her mind. And the fact the she keeps calling isnt helping this feeling go away. Sometimes i feel like maybe she's just doing this so I'll see what i've lost and she'll eventually come back but then i think why would i want someone that would do this to me.

 

Thanks for your replies guys...it helps. U guys mention you broke NC how do ur convos go when you broke it? Did you play it cool with them or did u eventually bring up the relationship and try to get back with them?

[greenparrot]

I know the feeling, I'm going through that today. She texted good morning and later : see I wanted to start from cero and nothing...

 

I won't answer anymore. Everytime I answered her:

I miss you

Let's go to the movies

Let's take it slow, Rome wasn't built in a day

Are you going out with her?

Let's eat breakfast and talk

We have to talk in person not through SMS

Etcccc

 

Calls with:

I still love you

I know your better than him

I want you back

 

They have all been BS, I have flat out asked her to come back to me and go slowly. No answer from her. I can't say your ex is as cold hearted as mine, but she seems in that path. Your doing good, don't answer, even if it seems like you're the cruel person, but always remeber she is the one playing with your mind. She is the one that broke it off. The longer nc the better, I say it from experience. I break nc because I always think she trully regrets it.

[hoping2heal]

Okay, what we have here is a good example of what I'm talking about when I say a person needs to move on from their ex. Now, I'm keeping in mind she is 20 years old, so however annoying and immature her behavior may be, it also is pretty typical for her age, albeit not excusable. She's the typical wishy-washy emotionally immature person. When she says " I was thinking about you." What she means is "I was thinking about you boosting my ego." If she says "I miss you" she means "I miss getting attention from you." She has no idea what she wants right now and has some growing up to do; again she's 20 years old so that's become "typical and understandable". If you're looking for what I like to call a-dick-around relationship (and you may well be, it seems many people are fine with them from what I read)- in which you aren't really serious or looking to develop love or intimacy, then I guess you could always play her game. It isn't what I reccomend but again; if you want something non serious, that's what she has to offer right now. It might be something you're actually fine with, that is up to you.

 

 

Now, let's get into this business about her and another man. Here's something you both seem to have in common; you are both easily manipulated when it comes to your EGO. "I'm not going to let another dude take what's mine." Come on! What's with all the caveman games? She's at a period in her life where she's going to be a royal pain in the ass for awhile anyhow, let him put up with it. Do you have a costco size bottle of asprin you want to use up?

 

 

Lastly, about the FB thing. I do think it was wrong, why? Because if it made your partner uncomfortable and it was an ex or person of the opposite sex then you should of just decided to respect how it made them feel. Especially, going out with your ex gf to some place your current gf COULD NOT go. How would you of felt if the shoe was on the other foot? Right now you get upset if she has a friend, which I'm sure she keeps him around to pump her ego too; even if she really ISN'T into the guy.

[borbiusle]

Hmmm, sounds almost exactly like my breakup with my GF, all the same excuses(well my GF's dad is really dying of cancer) but my gut still tells me she cheated.

[sharkb8]

You're right that she is young and she's acting very young right now. I feel like at her age she does not know how to handle this situation because she doesnt have any experience. But for the 2 years she we where together I felt she was more mature than her age. The only problems we had was` her wanting to see me more...she never played any games until now. Part of me feels like most of this is my fault because I should have given her more attention and now i do regret that i didnt stop talking to my ex. I've learned that if you're in a relationship there are some sacrifices you have to make. I did **** up in the beginning, I admit i kinda took her for granted and now the she's ready to leave, I see what I'll be missing. This doesn't excuse her behavior right now but I feel we both made mistakes. I just want another shot to make things right. She also tells her best friend that this new guy is just a friend and nothing more. But what makes me think there is something going on is i can see his facebook page and and sometimes he post things about her that aren't just "friendly" things. I have brought this up to her but she continues to say he just my friend. If she is messing with the dude why is she telling her best friend she's not? Is it because she's guilty or she doesn't plan on staying with him? You may ask y I trust her best friend, well... me and her are friends and she's a fan of us staying together. When i told her about the facebook BS she was actually mad the my ex lied to her.

[boogieboy]

Shark, dont stress about what she says. Assume everything she says is a lie since shes not with you now, and she wants to play with your head. Dont listen to any of it. Silence is more powerful than any words or actions can do...aside from saying "You are the worst person in the world!" Start working on getting her out of your mind forever. She is not coming back, not for good. if you cave in now, you will only be too needy and she will leave you again.

 

Okay, what we have here is a good example of what I'm talking about when I say a person needs to move on from their ex. Now, I'm keeping in mind she is 20 years old, so however annoying and immature her behavior may be, it also is pretty typical for her age, albeit not excusable. She's the typical wishy-washy emotionally immature person. When she says " I was thinking about you." What she means is "I was thinking about you boosting my ego." If she says "I miss you" she means "I miss getting attention from you." She has no idea what she wants right now and has some growing up to do; again she's 20 years old so that's become "typical and understandable".

 

 

 

Hey H2H, this girl was and immature 20 year old and she was doing this, my ex was 33!!! How fugged up is that?!?

[ScarLettIsle]

instead of checking this site i think u need to check the stages of love websites... u will see that when people are in different stages of lust - attraction - love - bonding - their ideals change..

 

u said she fell IN LOVE before u - and while u were taking ur time to FALL (whatever that means) she was going to attachment phase and u were on separate pages...

 

just my thoughts...

[steelfist9]

Why don't you ask her what her true intentions are? This would be the first step. You may get a lie, though, as I did. My ex wanted to be friends, was mad that I wouldn't talk to her. Told me that she was just friends with this guy. So we got back together and I found out she was lying and is now moving in with him.

 

 

You're in a tough spot. But, ask her directly what her feelings are, and then do some investigation. It's the only way. If you have to spy on her, you gotta do it. It's the only way to tackle this. Otherwise, you will never really know if she is "only friends" with this guy as she claims.

[sharkb8]

So she called me last night...like a dummy i answered. our convo started off real light. I made a couple jokes things were cool. So then i begin telling her that I fully except the break up and i apologized for the last couple of months, that i haven't been myself. and that the last couple of days i've been getting myself together, and that i just need to focus more on my goals, career, and business ventures. She tells me that she thought about me everyday and that she still loves me. Then she starts rambling on about she might be moving to DC(we are from philly) at the end of the month. She's also supposed to be going to las vegas for her birthday with friends(she knows b 4 we broke up i planned on taking her to vegas for her bday) Anyway I think all her plans are BS and she was only telling me this because i was going on and on about all the positives in my life.

 

After awhile i cave and ask her to start over from scratch. I tell her I want to start a new relationship with no expectation as of now. She agreed but said we need to move slow. I do believe she is messing with the new guy but she wont admit it. And i cant really say anything because i dont have solid proof and we are no longer together.

 

Now I know I made a mistake by breaking NC soo soon. And I also tried to reconcile too soon. My question is what do i do next? Do I limit our contact, or go back to NC. I was thinking I should just back up a little and see if she chases me and if she doesn't then o well. also do u think she being genuine when she says we can start over or is she just BSing?

 

this girl can be very spiteful, part of me thinks she just doing all of this because i hurt her in the past and she trying to teach me a lesson. my brain kicks in and says y would u want somebody that would intentionally hurt u. then my heart says **** it...u love her.

[hoping2heal]

Shark, dont stress about what she says. Assume everything she says is a lie since shes not with you now, and she wants to play with your head. Dont listen to any of it. Silence is more powerful than any words or actions can do...aside from saying "You are the worst person in the world!" Start working on getting her out of your mind forever. She is not coming back, not for good. if you cave in now, you will only be too needy and she will leave you again.

 

 

 

 

 

Hey H2H, this girl was and immature 20 year old and she was doing this, my ex was 33!!! How fugged up is that?!?

 

Listen boogie; like I have seen advised on here once before "Run like your azz is on fire!" . Yeah it happens though, some people just grow older they never grow up.

[Soul Bear]

Okay, what we have here is a good example of what I'm talking about when I say a person needs to move on from their ex. Now, I'm keeping in mind she is 20 years old, so however annoying and immature her behavior may be, it also is pretty typical for her age, albeit not excusable. She's the typical wishy-washy emotionally immature person. When she says " I was thinking about you." What she means is "I was thinking about you boosting my ego." If she says "I miss you" she means "I miss getting attention from you." She has no idea what she wants right now and has some growing up to do; again she's 20 years old so that's become "typical and understandable". If you're looking for what I like to call a-dick-around relationship (and you may well be, it seems many people are fine with them from what I read)- in which you aren't really serious or looking to develop love or intimacy, then I guess you could always play her game. It isn't what I reccomend but again; if you want something non serious, that's what she has to offer right now. It might be something you're actually fine with, that is up to you.

 

 

Now, let's get into this business about her and another man. Here's something you both seem to have in common; you are both easily manipulated when it comes to your EGO. "I'm not going to let another dude take what's mine." Come on! What's with all the caveman games? She's at a period in her life where she's going to be a royal pain in the ass for awhile anyhow, let him put up with it. Do you have a costco size bottle of asprin you want to use up?

 

 

Lastly, about the FB thing. I do think it was wrong, why? Because if it made your partner uncomfortable and it was an ex or person of the opposite sex then you should of just decided to respect how it made them feel. Especially, going out with your ex gf to some place your current gf COULD NOT go. How would you of felt if the shoe was on the other foot? Right now you get upset if she has a friend, which I'm sure she keeps him around to pump her ego too; even if she really ISN'T into the guy.

 

There's the money shot right there.

[hoping2heal]

So she called me last night...like a dummy i answered. our convo started off real light. I made a couple jokes things were cool. So then i begin telling her that I fully except the break up and i apologized for the last couple of months, that i haven't been myself. and that the last couple of days i've been getting myself together, and that i just need to focus more on my goals, career, and business ventures. She tells me that she thought about me everyday and that she still loves me. Then she starts rambling on about she might be moving to DC(we are from philly) at the end of the month. She's also supposed to be going to las vegas for her birthday with friends(she knows b 4 we broke up i planned on taking her to vegas for her bday) Anyway I think all her plans are BS and she was only telling me this because i was going on and on about all the positives in my life.

 

Okay, so you think she is lying to you then? Well, this is starting off well.

 

After awhile i cave and ask her to start over from scratch. I tell her I want to start a new relationship with no expectation as of now. She agreed but said we need to move slow. I do believe she is messing with the new guy but she wont admit it. And i cant really say anything because i dont have solid proof and we are no longer together.

 

Oh and it's getting better. So you feel she's lying to you already about little piddly crap, and now you feel she's lying to you about bigger, more serious stuff. To be honest, I'm kind of getting the vibe she is too, since she said "We need to go slow". But that's just what it sounds like, we could both be wrong.

 

Now I know I made a mistake by breaking NC soo soon. And I also tried to reconcile too soon.

 

If by you made a mistake breaking NC/trying to soon, you mean because you haven't waited about four years, then yes. Yes, you did.

 

My question is what do i do next?

 

Since you may or may not be right about her messing with a guy, and you can't trust her anyhow, you might as well keep on trucking. However, why are you doing this to her? You shouldn't of said something you don't mean. You want her back in your life and she probably wants you back too, but neither one of you are serious about eachother, it's all a bunch of cat and mouse.

 

 

 

Do I limit our contact, or go back to NC. I was thinking I should just back up a little and see if she chases me and if she doesn't then o well. also do u think she being genuine when she says we can start over or is she just BSing?

 

Does it matter? YOU'RE not genuine about it, why does she need to be? One minute you're telling her you want to start fresh, and the next minute you're talking about playing the game; there's no starting fresh for you is there? No, just more of the same old one tree up in dawsons creek in the O.C.

 

 

this girl can be very spiteful, part of me thinks she just doing all of this because i hurt her in the past and she trying to teach me a lesson.

 

I think you both could stand to be taught a lesson, but I'm not sure wether that means putting you both in a playpen to battle this out or what.

 

 

my brain kicks in and says y would u want somebody that would intentionally hurt u. then my heart says **** it...u love her.

[hoping2heal]

my brain kicks in and says y would u want somebody that would intentionally hurt u. then my heart says **** it...u love her.

 

You love her? No, you care about her? Yes. You have feelings for her? Again, yes. But the look at the way you two treat and speak of eachother. You two both need to understand what love is.

[sharkb8]

thanks for your post hoping2heal. Honestly I really do love her im in love with her! And I want her back i tried to get her to see this for the last 2 months when we were "taking a break" Now the only way i feel i can get her back its to let her go and see if she comes back. I really dont want to play this game with her but i feel like forcing my true feelings on her right now is only going to push her away.

[boogieboy]

thanks for your post hoping2heal. Honestly I really do love her im in love with her! And I want her back i tried to get her to see this for the last 2 months when we were "taking a break" Now the only way i feel i can get her back its to let her go and see if she comes back. I really dont want to play this game with her but i feel like forcing my true feelings on her right now is only going to push her away.

 

I wish you realized that before you picked up the phone.

 

To Be honest I truly think she said she wanted to take things slow just to keep you on the hook.

 

but Im cynic. Time will tell.

[hoping2heal]

thanks for your post hoping2heal. Honestly I really do love her im in love with her!

 

Your mouth is moving, but you don't act out the words. I understand you have feeling for her, very strong ones. Once again all you have talked about is playing head games with this girl in your last post, yet you love her? If you love her, and she really loves you how about you two quit all the BS between you already and try a REAL start. No other guys, No other women, No pretending to be doing better than you are, No witholding emotion or contact to ilicit a reaction or response. If she loves you, she doesn't need to chase you to be interested, understood? Seriously, it's called maturity you two should try it for a change and if you can BOTH do it, then if you're both comitted maybe you can work things out.

 

And I want her back i tried to get her to see this for the last 2 months when we were "taking a break" Now the only way i feel i can get her back its to let her go and see if she comes back.

 

Listen, I miss my least favorite pair of shoes because I gave them away. They had grown old and I wasn't wearing them anyway, now that I don't have them , I miss them. My point? It's common to miss something you are used to having in your life when it's not there. It doesn't mean we value it, we just miss it not being there. As much as we live adventure, we like stability. That's what all these websites and ebooks forget to ad to their claims when they take advantage of deseprate people with broken hearts.

 

That yeah, MAYBE the ex comes back, doesn't mean they value you any more; it just means.. GASP..congratulations! Basic human psychology worked! Gee, you're kidding!

 

My point is, people need to get over this load of crap about go NC to get your ex back. It's ridiculous. If someone values you and loves you so much, believe me they won't let you go in the first place. Yes in a rare 3 percent of all cases, the person comes back realising they made a mistake, but most of the time? Pffft. That's okay and it's not a bad thing either! It's better to not spend time with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about them, it isn't the end of the world at all.

 

 

 

 

I really dont want to play this game with her but i feel like forcing my true feelings on her right now is only going to push her away.

 

Well, if being HONEST with her pushes her away, then what does THAT tell ya?

[carnegie]

I found myself and my story in your post shark! almost people give me a NC advice, and I wondered that how long i should do the "NC rule". How do i know if me ex really wants me back just because she still loves me? i cant ans it right now! "once love has gone, it'll never come back", is that true? Thank H2H for your post! I think you need to ask yourself first, "do i still love her, or just miss her bc she left?"

[sharkb8]

hey guys thanks for ur advice and honesty. but i really do love her and there's no doubt about it. I know i ****ed up. i got too comfortable. She got tired of my BS. our relationship never was like this we never played games like this with each other until she got fed up with my bs. i just wonder if she'll give me another chance and like i said before im not playing any games with her i genuinely do want her back because i love her. she keeps telling me she loves me and she'll never love anyone like me and she sees us together in the future. idk im just rambling right now, i just hope she gives me another chance!