QWERTY Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Hi, I would like to get people's opinion on this... My fiancee's ex-husband seems to be trying to compete with us, and although I try to not let it bother me, it still does. When we went to the Bahamas for a vacation, he went to the Bahamas with his girlfriend a week later. When we stopped renting and bought a nice new house, he moved out of a rather run-down house he was renting with his g/f and into a fancy new condo... the same week as us. We've decided to go on vacation in December, and he's now decided to go on vacation in the same week in December. My fiancee has two kids with this man, and it seems like whenever we decide to do something big and tell the kids and then they go to his place and tell him, they come back and say "Dad's going to do that too." He also often asks things about us (to the kids or my fiancee) that aren't any of his business -- like if my fiancee says she can't pick up the kids at a certain time because she's going out, he asks where she's going (she doesn't reply and just says "out"). The kids have also admitted that he bad-mouths my fiancee and I in front of them, including making fun of us and the things that we do. We've tried asking the kids to not talk about our lives with him, but it's bound to happen sometimes when they talk about their lives. And I don't think it's fair or realistic to expect them to say "none of your business" if they say "Mom's going away this weekend" and he asks where. So I think he's going to continue to hear about our lives through the kids, for as long as they live with us. I find it very frustrating, and creepy -- I feel like we're living under a microscope. They've been divorced for over 3 years and he's still doing it, so I doubt this guy is going to go away and he'll always be prying into our lives. My fiancee is still afraid of him (he was abusive to her), so while she won't play his games she's not willing to confront him about it and tell him to stop. I would love to call him up and straighten him out, but my fiancee doubts it wouldn't make any difference and that it may alienate the kids. So what should I do? Just ignore it and live my life, or try and find someway to get it stop? Link to post Share on other sites
Author QWERTY Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 They had been separated for six months with no hope of reconciliation (he was already living with another woman), but it was six months before the divorce was finalized. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Ignore it. What does it matter if he's emulating you guys' behavior? Are you really so concerned about impressing her children with things you're buying and trips you're taking? To be honest, as the childrens' father, he has a right to know where his kids are going and what they're doing (especially with another male in the picture). Try to look at it from his side, and ignore the competing Joneses. It will make you look like the bigger man. The best weapon you can use against him is your transparency in your actions. Let him know exactly what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
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