Dumper is begging. Wth?

[Sevenscars]

How far along have you come with NC? For me, it has been 3 months and a week.

 

A quick recap: This girl and I got together, then she left me for another man (without telling me). I could not handle it, so I fought for her back, for her only to leave me again. During my time alone, I put together all the pieces (the love halo was lifted) and discovered she had been cheating on me with the man she left me for.

 

Over a month ago, she sent me an email that I never responded to. About 2 weeks ago, she called me and left me a message, asking how I was and inviting me to a group outing. I never responded. Just yesterday, she called me again and left a message, again asking how I was as well as asking for any kind of response: if I did not want to talk to her, then let her know. I ignored it.

 

Waking up this morning, I found two texts on my phone from her, one asking if I was up and the other asking me to please read a message she sent me.

 

She sent me an email, saying she regrets not responding to the last email I sent her (the day I started NC). Her excuse was that she wanted to be able to handle talking to me without telling me she missed me. Then she says she figured I would at least return one phone call or message, "After everything we went through, I really thought you would do that for me."

 

She says she will not keep bothering me unless I send her a message back, that's how much "our friendship" means to her. And she is trying to fight the thought of me with another girl, and wouldn't think that I would ignore her if that is the case. "That is, if I meant as much to you as you said I did...even as a friend."

 

"I can't stand not knowing why things ended up this way"

"You deserve someone who can be there for you"

 

And then she goes on to say she will always remember me, never forget what I did for her, I am an amazing person and there will always be a special place in her heart for me, and that I was her first true love.

 

"Please...just one phone call or message."

 

...

 

I can take this many ways. Has this ever happened to any of you? What did you do, and do you have any advice on what I should do?

 

I could easily send her a message back, telling her I do not talk to cheaters (she probably thinks I do not know what went on). I can rebut with so many things -- "after everything we went through, I really thought you would do that for me"

 

Bull ****, girl. That sentence alone makes me rife with anger. Well...pity.

 

Is it worth talking to her?

[hopesndreams]

Let her know, you know, she cheated and that will just open up contact again, lots of back and forth, your heart being ripped open again and at the end of it? She will still say the same things as above.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Sometimes you just have to bring out the big guns with people like this. They trample you down, wipe their feet on you, allow the person they are cheating with to wipe their feet on you, and when things go south in fantasy land, here they come back again looking for that nice safe doormat, using every manipulative nostalgia trick in the book, and somehow expect you to forget what a bag of uselessness they are, and be all happy about them coming back.

 

This should do it (and by all means make it a text: the most brutal way to do it)

 

Dear cheating X, YOU CAN GO F*CK RIGHT OFF. Leave me alone and never contact me again.

 

Note my sig line for further advice.

[Peanut9330]

I'm in the exact same situation as you except I’m a girl and he's fighting to win me back, when I was reading your post I was like OMG that's my story, just to recap he cheated I took him back he cheated again and now he's with her. Well I guess he decided that he's not happy with her anymore and wants me back, and there is no way in hell I’m taking him back or even giving him the satisfaction of talking to him. He made the decisions that he made and now has to live with the consequences. He should have though about how valuable I am when he had me, and the same goes for you, she should have thought about all this before she went off and cheated. She will never change! there is no point in contacting her all its going to do is upset you, and you moved on so you don’t need the drama in your life.

[utterer of lies]

Is it worth talking to her?

 

Write her a text like this:

 

"I don't feel like talking to you right now, but if you want to have sex, you know where I live."

[huck]

Is she hinting that she wants to get back with you on these messages or is she just dangling the hook??

 

Do you know if shes still with the bloke as well??

 

IMO you should keep strong and ignore the texts - shes probably just fishing and trying to boost her ego..

 

Dont feel guilty about not replying - she F*cked you over with the cheating.

 

If you do reply then 'LucreziaBorgia's' advice response will probably suffice !!!

[CaliGuy]

How far along have you come with NC? For me, it has been 3 months and a week.

 

A quick recap: This girl and I got together, then she left me for another man (without telling me). I could not handle it, so I fought for her back, for her only to leave me again. During my time alone, I put together all the pieces (the love halo was lifted) and discovered she had been cheating on me with the man she left me for.

 

This alone is good enough reason to not answer her.

 

She says she will not keep bothering me unless I send her a message back, that's how much "our friendship" means to her. And she is trying to fight the thought of me with another girl, and wouldn't think that I would ignore her if that is the case. "That is, if I meant as much to you as you said I did...even as a friend."

 

She is not saying she wants you back. She is saying that she wants your friendship (breadcrumbs, my friend). She's not beating at your door. She is fishing.

 

"I can't stand not knowing why things ended up this way"

"You deserve someone who can be there for you"

 

This is her trying relieve her guilt. Nothing more.

 

I can take this many ways. Has this ever happened to any of you? What did you do, and do you have any advice on what I should do?

 

Yes, this has happened to me. In the end, it turns out that all she wanted was validation. That she didn't want me, she just wanted to know that I was around, available and interested in her should be break up with the guy she left me for.

 

This is called "being the backup guy". If you are OK with making someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option, keep in contact with her.

 

I could easily send her a message back, telling her I do not talk to cheaters (she probably thinks I do not know what went on). I can rebut with so many things -- "after everything we went through, I really thought you would do that for me"

 

Bull ****, girl. That sentence alone makes me rife with anger. Well...pity.

 

Is it worth talking to her?

 

Nope. Read, delete and move on. DO NOT ANSWER HER. Unless they show up LITERALLY BEATING YOUR FRONT DOOR DOWN it's all talk, all pointless and only meant to boost their confidence.

 

Women in her position only contact an ex when there are rough patches in their new relationship. This is how they gain validation at YOUR expense. This is how they make themselves feel better. Her statements that you deserve better are in fact true, but it's to let your guard down so you WILL talk to her and give her the validation she desires.

 

Don't fall for it.

[Sevenscars]

Three months ago, I would not have hesitated to return an email...

 

Two months ago, I would have been happy to hear from her and probably would have replied like a little wimp.

 

One month ago, I would have been sick to my stomach and probably done something rash like flip out over email. It almost happened, but this message board helped me calm down.

 

Today, it's more of a bother than anything. I still have feelings... of anger, bitterness, and residual feelings of hurt. I miss the good times, but there were way more bad times. I no longer want anything to do with her... and the kind of person she is.

 

To let you in on something, though... it is quite an ego boost for me to hear from her like this -- knowing that even if it is a small bit, some doubt has entered her mind. She did not believe I was strong enough to last without her and would always want her. Now who is lasting?

 

There is more to this story, but it would take pages to explain.

 

For her to actually beg for a response, or any kind of contact at all...makes me sad. And waking up to a text that says, "At least read it...please..." makes me even sadder. Just knowing that we had a wonderful, loving relationship (AT ONE POINT IN TIME, before she chose the path of true evil) and now it's come to this... partly my fault, for becoming the man I was towards the end of our relationship, and partly her fault, for seeking meaningless outside influences to fix her own problems with the relationship. We are both to blame.

 

Although, her trying to turn everything around and play the victim per say, that makes me angry. Luckily I can now see through all her bull****.

 

You have all had great ideas...even telling her to F off. I am going to leave it and not reply. I am never going to reply...in fact, I am never, ever going to talk to this girl again. Never, ever, ever -- not for eternity. She does not deserve one second of my time, nor half a second, nor any exponential decrease in time that follows from that. She lost the privilege when she decided that not only our relationship, but me as a human being, was not even worth a goodbye (after dragging me on for a long time, she told me to stop calling her over email).

 

Now she says "trust me," she regrets not having replied to my last mail to her ever. Sure, I trust now that all your **** has fallen through, you wish you would have stuck it out with me instead. I was the best she ever had, at everything, she has no doubt, I have no doubt, and anyone who knows either of us has no doubt -- she f'd up. too many times. Lesson learned: any more major red flags from a girl and she is out. I deserve the best, and only the best, and will not, nor ever, settle for anything less. It's funny, every single one of my exes has literally begged for me back. Except her, she has just begged to talk to me.

 

THANK GOD I DID NOT MARRY HER. THANK. GOD. (x3)

 

your lips, your lies, your lust, like the devil's in your hands...

[boogieboy]

You have all had great ideas...even telling her to F off. I am going to leave it and not reply. I am never going to reply...in fact, I am never, ever going to talk to this girl again. Never, ever, ever -- not for eternity. She does not deserve one second of my time, nor half a second, nor any exponential decrease in time that follows from that. She lost the privilege when she decided that not only our relationship, but me as a human being, was not even worth a goodbye (after dragging me on for a long time, she told me to stop calling her over email).

 

 

your lips, your lies, your lust, like the devil's in your hands...

 

Assume that everything she is saying in these messages is a lie, just to get you on the hook for her validation like Caliguy said. She just wants to see if you will answer and if you still want her, and thats it.

 

Youre doing the right thng. Silence is more scathing to her than any words (and it shows). let her eat her own heart out with guilt, if she really is doing that. Enjoy the ego boost at her expense, you earned it.

[Sevenscars]

I signed onto AIM about an hour ago but went outside since some friends came over. I came back, and she had IMed me telling me to read my email messages and reply. She said it in a "playful" way that STILL got me the tiniest bit -- just for the sheer cuteness of it! But to no avail, I see through it. Manipulative B. At least I have an automatic away message. Although I would rather not have had her catch me online, this just gives me one more pass. The ball was in her court, but now she has passed it along with 6 more. Would anyone care to play some basketball?

 

It's insane how bad she wants me to give her something, anything. Too bad for her it won't happen.

 

You know, without this message board I probably would have done something stupid like...contacted her. called her. still been heartbroken. The support these forums give is unbelievable. I wish I could pay it back; instead, I will pay it forward.

 

I feel almost...guilty for enjoying this as much as I am. You see, I am a human being who cares for and about other human being's feelings -- after all, we all drink from the same water, breathe from the same air, find love under the same moon. Though...the guilt is like a pinprick to a giant.

[hoping2heal]

You're being smart. It will serve you well.

 

 

 

I signed onto AIM about an hour ago but went outside since some friends came over. I came back, and she had IMed me telling me to read my email messages and reply. She said it in a "playful" way that STILL got me the tiniest bit -- just for the sheer cuteness of it! But to no avail, I see through it. Manipulative B. At least I have an automatic away message. Although I would rather not have had her catch me online, this just gives me one more pass. The ball was in her court, but now she has passed it along with 6 more. Would anyone care to play some basketball?

 

It's insane how bad she wants me to give her something, anything. Too bad for her it won't happen.

 

You know, without this message board I probably would have done something stupid like...contacted her. called her. still been heartbroken. The support these forums give is unbelievable. I wish I could pay it back; instead, I will pay it forward.

 

I feel almost...guilty for enjoying this as much as I am. You see, I am a human being who cares for and about other human being's feelings -- after all, we all drink from the same water, breathe from the same air, find love under the same moon. Though...the guilt is like a pinprick to a giant.

[boogieboy]

I signed onto AIM about an hour ago but went outside since some friends came over. I came back, and she had IMed me telling me to read my email messages and reply. She said it in a "playful" way that STILL got me the tiniest bit -- just for the sheer cuteness of it! But to no avail, I see through it. Manipulative B. At least I have an automatic away message. Although I would rather not have had her catch me online, this just gives me one more pass. The ball was in her court, but now she has passed it along with 6 more. Would anyone care to play some basketball?

 

It's insane how bad she wants me to give her something, anything. Too bad for her it won't happen.

 

You know, without this message board I probably would have done something stupid like...contacted her. called her. still been heartbroken. The support these forums give is unbelievable. I wish I could pay it back; instead, I will pay it forward.

 

I feel almost...guilty for enjoying this as much as I am. You see, I am a human being who cares for and about other human being's feelings -- after all, we all drink from the same water, breathe from the same air, find love under the same moon. Though...the guilt is like a pinprick to a giant.

 

Dude she wrecked you, she didnt care about your feelings, so you dont have to care about hers.

 

Before i found this board, I actually did get sucked in mby my ex doing just the same things, I didnt know. So put it this way, you learned by proxy of me. You didnt have to go thru the torture. Now I can live by proxy of your ego boost, because your ex is an ass.

 

Shes gonna keep trying, and its gonna get more pathetic. But it will help you move on.

[CaliGuy]

Honestly, as soon as you reply to her, she will get the "validation" she is seeking and then not contact you for weeks/months until she needs another injection of self-esteem.

 

Remember, at this point, she is just sucking your self-esteem to feed herself.

[Quest]

 

Nope. Read, delete and move on. DO NOT ANSWER HER. Unless they show up LITERALLY BEATING YOUR FRONT DOOR DOWN it's all talk, all pointless and only meant to boost their confidence.

 

 

Having been in this situation I was trying to think of a way to say what CaliGuy has said but he's done it better than I could. If someone really cares about your feelings and really regrets what they've done they'd be DOING SOMETHING about it ... as CaliGuy says, she'd be on your doorstep, demanding the two of you talk, that you hear her out etc. Just ignore her and keep ignoring her.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Block her AIM, her emails, etc. There is no reason to allow her to continue doing this to you, or allowing yourself to let it keep happening.

[Ingenue]

I would absolutely ignore her emails, texts and phone calls. She has the temerity to guilt trip you given her deplorable behaviour? Given how she ended things, you owe her nothing.

 

A similar thing happened with my ex. After 5 years together, he dumped me by email. I implemented NC despite his emails wishing me a happy birthday or offering a phone call to talk about it. After almost 6 months of NC, we spoke and he attempted to guilt trip me saying that the reason I wasn't ready to date wasn't because of his cowardly behaviour, but because I opted not to speak to him. He had regrets because we weren't friends, not because of his behaviour.

 

Your ex sounds like mine. Her regrets of not responding to the last email are attempts to assuage her own guilt without taking responsibility for her actions. What she did was inexcusable and disrespectful, period. Her excuses fall flat. Her lack of a sincere apology and her refusal to be accountable for her actions is exactly "why things ended up this way". She's a narcissistic, self-centred individual who has absolutely no sense of human decency.

 

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they act in times of difficulties and personal struggle. What she's saying and doing, reeks.

[Sevenscars]

Shes gonna keep trying, and its gonna get more pathetic. But it will help you move on.

 

She tried again today. I got three very strange text messages from her.

 

as CaliGuy says, she'd be on your doorstep, demanding the two of you talk, that you hear her out etc. Just ignore her and keep ignoring her.

 

You know, the thought of her coming over unexpectedly has crossed my mind, if she attempts it my plan would be to deny her.

 

He had regrets because we weren't friends, not because of his behaviour.

 

My ex sounds as though it is the same with her. That disgusts me.

 

Your ex sounds like mine. Her regrets of not responding to the last email are attempts to assuage her own guilt without taking responsibility for her actions. What she did was inexcusable and disrespectful, period. Her excuses fall flat. Her lack of a sincere apology and her refusal to be accountable for her actions is exactly "why things ended up this way". She's a narcissistic, self-centred individual who has absolutely no sense of human decency.

 

I could not agree more. Especially after the text messages she sent me.

 

Some friends and I went to the gym today and had a great time. Fresh out of the shower and feeling good, I look to my phone and discover two text messages from my ex. The first one told how she was reading old messages between us. She wrote, "If any of what you said was true, you would have the decency to respond to me."

 

Funny how she speaks of decency, especially after her conscious choice of actions to cheat, to drag me on, and to drop me as though I meant nothing. Hardly decent actions -- which makes me wonder what gave her the right to ask what she did in the next text message.

 

"I don't understand what changed between the last one [message] you sent and now. That is all that I want to know, why won't you give me that?"

 

What changed: your feelings towards me, your attraction to me, the lack of respect and decency you gave me.

 

What else changed: my self-esteem, my confidence, my realization of what you truly are. My whole paradigm about you.

 

Why won't I give you that? Because it is what you asked for. What you want is what you're getting.

 

...

 

A few hours later I checked my phone to find another text message from her. It made me stop for a moment; just a breath.

 

"watch the skies tomorrow night, after midnight. tomorrow and the day after are supposed to be the best nights for the meteor shower. Enjoy!"

 

She knew I would enjoy that.

[boogieboy]

This is actually getting better as the days go on, keep updating her texts. This is great!

 

The more she does, the more I can come to expect from cutting off a woman at the right time, and the things she will say to try and rope me in.

[Sevenscars]

This is actually getting better as the days go on, keep updating her texts. This is great!

 

The more she does, the more I can come to expect from cutting off a woman at the right time, and the things she will say to try and rope me in.

 

If anything, I am more than happy to share with you and anyone else who is trying to avoid this kind of situation. At first you think it is what you would want, but when it actually happens what you really want is to stay far away. And yet they try to pull you back, using cards they think will make you show your hand, since usually they know what buttons to push.

 

I do not know whether she will text again. From the last email she sent, I would wager that they will keep coming. In that email, my ex said no longer would she bother me, and yet after that email she has IMed me and texted me three times.

 

The last text message is quite strange. Who knows why she would send something like that! What was her purpose; what was she trying to achieve?

[CaliGuy]

If anything, I am more than happy to share with you and anyone else who is trying to avoid this kind of situation. At first you think it is what you would want, but when it actually happens what you really want is to stay far away. And yet they try to pull you back, using cards they think will make you show your hand, since usually they know what buttons to push.

 

I do not know whether she will text again. From the last email she sent, I would wager that they will keep coming. In that email, my ex said no longer would she bother me, and yet after that email she has IMed me and texted me three times.

 

The last text message is quite strange. Who knows why she would send something like that! What was her purpose; what was she trying to achieve?

 

She's going to keep trying to contact you until you contact her. Then she'll stop. All she wants is validation. If you answer her, she wins.

 

After all of what you've told us about her, she doesn't deserve your time. And if she loved and respected you, she'd stop BOTHERING you.

 

(And the fact she said you wouldn't hear from her and yet she still continues to text, etc tells me that she is indeed full of herself!)

[selena_cat]

If anything, I am more than happy to share with you and anyone else who is trying to avoid this kind of situation. At first you think it is what you would want, but when it actually happens what you really want is to stay far away. And yet they try to pull you back, using cards they think will make you show your hand, since usually they know what buttons to push.

 

I do not know whether she will text again. From the last email she sent, I would wager that they will keep coming. In that email, my ex said no longer would she bother me, and yet after that email she has IMed me and texted me three times.

 

The last text message is quite strange. Who knows why she would send something like that! What was her purpose; what was she trying to achieve?

 

I have been following your post and love your name,fits perfectly.

I applaud you,if only I was that strong and cut him off immediately,that was 2 years ago,you dont want to be like I was,stick around for breadcrumbs,similar to what Cali guy says,she'll keep txting you hook u in and dissapear once she gets you hooked in.

You said that you'll pay it forward,hmm i wish i was that strong,any advice for foolish keep in contact w/ex gals like me would be appreciated,really. But what you're doing is very inspiring,if u can do it why cant i?

Don't worry,seems her last txt or e-mail,she was trying to be friendly,but dont get hooked, what happens when she tricks you and just stopped contacting you,then you'll try to respond and be back here kicking yourself.

If you do respond do what a friend of mine does, he does this all the time,he'll call you maybe once a month and if you miss his call thats it,you can call him till the cows come home and he wont respond till he decides to contact you again,some friend,but thats another option if you do slip.

[Quest]

She tried again today. I got three very strange text messages from her.

 

 

 

You know, the thought of her coming over unexpectedly has crossed my mind, if she attempts it my plan would be to deny her.

 

 

 

 

As others have said, all she wants is to feel better about herself. She's not interested in you, in terms of wanting to give you the relationship you deserve. If she comes over unexpectedly it will just be another attempt to try and be 'friends' so that she feels better. Keep busy and be out. If she catches you in say you're on your way out, or don't answer the door in the first place. I'm sure you've got lots of real friends - who needs one like her?!

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm telling you man - she has you right where she wants you, and that is 'paying attention to her'. You have to find a way to block her texts and any other way she has of reaching you or you will not be able to move on.

[seibert253]

Block her AIM, her emails, etc. There is no reason to allow her to continue doing this to you, or allowing yourself to let it keep happening.

 

Just was what I was thinking. Block her on your cell phone also.

Hopefully she will eventually get the hint.

[CaliGuy]

Change her name on your cell phone to "DO NOT ANSWER" as a reminder of what to do when she calls.