Dumper is begging. Wth?

[dreamygirl]

I hope no one hates me for saying this...(and I'm coming the point of view of the dumper wanting my ex back). But what if she really does regret ending things? Okay, except I guess I can't really add much to that because I did not cheat on my ex. I ended things when I was young and thought perhaps there's more out there....but now I really regret it and wish that I never because he is the only person I imagine myself settling down with. We haven't spoken for over 5 years now...He was my first love. I feel guilty sometimes because I'm in a serious relationship now, but cannot imagine myself with this guy forever.

 

My point is that perhaps she might really regret doing the things she did...doesn't everyone need a second chance? (Maybe I'm saying this to give myself hope?). But it is just something to think about. Have you lost all feelings for her??

[Sevenscars]

She's going to keep trying to contact you until you contact her. Then she'll stop. All she wants is validation. If you answer her, she wins.

 

After all of what you've told us about her, she doesn't deserve your time. And if she loved and respected you, she'd stop BOTHERING you.

 

(And the fact she said you wouldn't hear from her and yet she still continues to text, etc tells me that she is indeed full of herself!)

 

Indeed. She sent me another email today!

 

You said that you'll pay it forward,hmm i wish i was that strong,any advice for foolish keep in contact w/ex gals like me would be appreciated,really. But what you're doing is very inspiring,if u can do it why cant i?

 

If I had anything to give you it would be the strength to stay away, but that comes from within you. Your ex is not worth your time, don't forget what he did to you and how he is treating you now -- just a boost to his own ego. They may have treated you great during the best of the relationship, but forget about that, it's over. Remember what they did at the end and how they treated you. True human tendencies come out during the worst of times; that is the kind of person they really are. Do you want to be speaking to that kind of person? You are better than that... just remember that talking to them is NOT an option.

 

If she catches you in say you're on your way out, or don't answer the door in the first place. I'm sure you've got lots of real friends - who needs one like her?!

 

Not me, that's for sure.

 

I'm telling you man - she has you right where she wants you, and that is 'paying attention to her'. You have to find a way to block her texts and any other way she has of reaching you or you will not be able to move on.

 

I do not know how to block texts on my phone, or emails or anything. Would anyone know how? For now, I just have to settle with reading and ignoring.

 

Just was what I was thinking. Block her on your cell phone also.

Hopefully she will eventually get the hint.

 

Change her name on your cell phone to "DO NOT ANSWER" as a reminder of what to do when she calls.

 

I thought about doing that, but what if someone sees it and answers just for the sheer *******ness of it? "Don't press the big red button..." *click*

 

But what if she really does regret ending things?

 

My point is that perhaps she might really regret doing the things she did...doesn't everyone need a second chance? (Maybe I'm saying this to give myself hope?). But it is just something to think about. Have you lost all feelings for her??

 

She had her second chance already. And to tell you the truth, I do not care whether she regrets it or not. I hope it eats away at her slowly. I have lost all feelings for her.

 

She sent me an email around 4 AM, in response to the last message I ever sent her. She said that she read the entire message, as opposed to only part of it as she had read earlier (due to some computer error) and realized that she sounded like a bitch replying to it, and she is sorry.

 

I don't care. I do not care! It does not matter to me that she thinks it's funny, in fact, it's almost rather insulting. Why does she do this?

 

If she simply apologized FOR HER ACTIONS then MAYBE she would gain SOME kind of respect back from me.

[trueblue72ny]

my life would be easier if i could be this cut & dry. i admire that. i have felt like this before in a couple of past relationships. i was referred to one time as the "king of cold". but this last one has really thrown me for a loop. no matter whats happened so far the feelings just havent stopped. sounds pathetic i know. uggggg.

[Ingenue]

My point is that perhaps she might really regret doing the things she did...doesn't everyone need a second chance? (Maybe I'm saying this to give myself hope?). But it is just something to think about. Have you lost all feelings for her??

 

I don't think any one of us is denying the possibility that dumpers may regret their act of dumping a person and coming to realize that s/he meant much. But I think we need to take sevenscars' ex's message within context. If she does indeed regret breaking up with sevenscars and treating him that deplorably, she would have an ounce of remorse. She hasn't apologized or taken accountability for what she's done and how her actions have hurt sevenscars. Growing to be a better person in a relationship is learning from past mistakes, owning up to them and learning.

 

Rather than doing any of those things, sevenscars' ex is simply guilt tripping him in an attempt to minimize her own responsibility in the break up. And what's worse is that she's baiting him for her own edification. If she wants a second chance she needs to earn it by owning up to her own role and responsibilities. Life is about being accountable.

[Sevenscars]

my life would be easier if i could be this cut & dry. i admire that. i have felt like this before in a couple of past relationships. i was referred to one time as the "king of cold". but this last one has really thrown me for a loop. no matter whats happened so far the feelings just havent stopped. sounds pathetic i know. uggggg.

 

I disagree, it does not sound pathetic. Feelings for someone are hard to overcome, and with time and patience you may find that you will be long over someone even when they come back.

 

I don't think any one of us is denying the possibility that dumpers may regret their act of dumping a person and coming to realize that s/he meant much. But I think we need to take sevenscars' ex's message within context. If she does indeed regret breaking up with sevenscars and treating him that deplorably, she would have an ounce of remorse. She hasn't apologized or taken accountability for what she's done and how her actions have hurt sevenscars. Growing to be a better person in a relationship is learning from past mistakes, owning up to them and learning.

 

Rather than doing any of those things, sevenscars' ex is simply guilt tripping him in an attempt to minimize her own responsibility in the break up. And what's worse is that she's baiting him for her own edification. If she wants a second chance she needs to earn it by owning up to her own role and responsibilities. Life is about being accountable.

 

Your post, Ingenue, is a true masterpiece -- thank you.

[LisaUk]

Sevenscars

 

Good on you!

[Sevenscars]

Thank you, LisaUK!

 

It's tough holding back, especially with the tactics she is using. The last email she sent, from this morning, says she did not read the whole message I sent her months ago...yet in the email she sent before that, the long one telling how she was sorry we weren't friends and such, she mentions some things that make me absolutely 100% sure she read the whole thing.

 

So now, my ex is lying to get me to speak up. Typical, just makes me think everything else she sent is a lie. Who knows when I will hear from her next, and what it may bring...

 

I just want to reply quoting her own email to call out her bull****. But it's not even worth the energy to hit "send." Why can't she just own up to her actions without these silly games she is trying to play?

 

I won't even wait for the day she takes a good look at herself in the mirror and realizes what she is and what she has done. She showed me such a complete and utter lack of respect during the relationship and in the aftermath. Now she is still doing the same thing. She is a horrible person, I only wish I saw that much, much earlier.

[WiseOne1]

Even if she does apologize it still will be 100% BS. My last breakup with my ex GF went that way, she did the exact same thing that yours did, only she called me 10 times in 1 hour earlier that day, and then 15 times in the middle pf the night, from about 12:00am to about 4:00am "I counted".

 

My ex then went into another plan, and admitted that "the new guy" is not as great as me" and she misses our relationship and that she was not as happy as she was with me, so I was thinking, great this is what I wanted to hear!

 

WRONG!!! She then says that she can't leave him though, she says it wouldn’t be fair to him, I was like well you left me and I haven’t done anything wrong, but he’s done things wrong and you still wont leave him.

 

Basically I ignored her, ignored her, ignored her...Until she finally broke down and did what CaliGuy and other posters are saying, she was remorseful, cried, apologized, admitted her mistakes....

 

But you have to remember something, right now she’s doing and saying anything for attention right??? What makes you think she won't also cave in and act like she's remorseful, she'll even pretend that she wants you back, unless until she gets contact, and she has validation and then she'll disappear.

 

My point is, don't fall for her trick, because she will say anything to get validation.

[WiseOne1]

So since she is desperate for attention, as a last resort, expect her to throw all the cards down, but you go to make sure not to reply back to that either.

[alturrnababe]

Block her from your thoughts ,your phone, your computer....then get on with your life. It is what it is....and she really doesn't deserve any further thought on your behalf. Trust me, you are better off avoiding her. I wish you the best on this.

[Sevenscars]

It's tough holding silent like this. Sometimes, I can feel myself getting angry again and I just want to hop into my car, drive down to her house, look her in the eyes and ask, "How could you do this to me?"

 

Every day I realize more and more what a complete nothing I was to her, even when she would tell me over and over how much she loved me. Cheating or not, she should have just cut it off completely and let me save face instead of dragging it on and on...really putting me through the pain.

 

It makes me feel like an idiot, having gone through all of that. Even more so now that it's over and she thinks she got away with it. There are points in time I have actually had to sit on my hands or else I would have written her a very spiteful email.

 

I am still getting over it, sadly enough. There are times when it still hurts. I mean.. how can you tell someone you love them, you want to marry them, they are the only one for you, and they are the best thing to ever happen to you...all while sleeping with someone else behind their back? It does not make sense!

 

It does make me want to talk to her. Then I realize...it's not worth it. I have been getting better, I have gotten very far with my healing process. I'm not going to give my own healing heart up for a chance to stick it to her.

 

I have been on a few dates with a new girl recently, but she is so SHADY! I have already caught her in a few lies...but I let those go, because pursuing them won't lead to anything constructive. I'm going to end it with this one, she is too much of a taker and not enough of a giver.

 

Slowly, I am losing hope in womankind. Sorry, ladies -- I am off the market for now... none of you are worth it, I'm living life for myself now. I'll be back after I finish graduate school...

[gd26]

 

Slowly, I am losing hope in womankind. Sorry, ladies -- I am off the market for now... none of you are worth it, I'm living life for myself now. I'll be back after I finish graduate school...

 

It's very annoying when I see men or women posting these sorts of messages to the other gender. Look around here on LS and you will see broken hearts on both sides, men and women. Look at your own threads, how many empathethic nice women took the time to respond to you and give you support and constructive advice. So you going and dismissing a gender by slapping on a generalization like this is just not very cool.

[BackonTrack2]

women are the devil

[gorgio]

Everybody here has really given better advice than I ever could. I was in a similar situation, got the 'breadcrumbs' and got burnt for an additional final time.

 

It ended ugly on her part since she went back to her guy, I was just used for a few weeks. I then got a pathetic email how she was sorry for breaking up that way and that she will probably regret it. I never responded and I never will.

 

In a way I am glad I went for the 'breadcrumbs' cause now I know that I never want the biatch in my life ever again. Helped remove her from the pedestal.

[Dexter Morgan]

"I can't stand not knowing why things ended up this way"

"You deserve someone who can be there for you"

 

to which your response can be, "so maybe you should be far away from me since you aren't someone that CAN be there for me.....in other words sweetie...leave me alone."

 

 

 

"Please...just one phone call or message."

 

you could message and say, "leave me the hell alone.....there is your one message".

 

I can take this many ways. Has this ever happened to any of you? What did you do, and do you have any advice on what I should do?

 

I had an old girlfriend who I was suppose to marry long ago when we got out of college. Long story short, caught her in bed with another guy, I left, never looked back.

 

4 years after I left her, she was married for about 2 years and sent me a letter to express her condolences about one of my family member's dying. That pissed me off that she'd use that occasion to contact me.

 

So here she was, writing me a letter as a married woman telling me that she wished things would have been different for us.

 

So what did I do you ask? I put the letter in an envelope, addressed it to her husband(since I knew his name) and included a post-it note that said, "tell your wife to leave me alone". never heard from her again:cool:

 

 

I could easily send her a message back, telling her I do not talk to cheaters

sounds great to me!

 

 

Is it worth talking to her?

 

 

well, you might have to in order for her to leave you alone. Just as in my case, you might have to really put her in her place to get her to stop. Is she still dating this other guy, or any other guy? If so, contact him, maybe even show him the txt messages and do the same as I did...tell the new guy to "tell your girlfriend to leave me alone".

[CaliGuy]

I had an old girlfriend who I was suppose to marry long ago when we got out of college. Long story short, caught her in bed with another guy, I left, never looked back.

 

4 years after I left her, she was married for about 2 years and sent me a letter to express her condolences about one of my family member's dying. That pissed me off that she'd use that occasion to contact me.

 

So here she was, writing me a letter as a married woman telling me that she wished things would have been different for us.

 

So what did I do you ask? I put the letter in an envelope, addressed it to her husband(since I knew his name) and included a post-it note that said, "tell your wife to leave me alone". never heard from her again:cool:

 

Dude -- FREAKING AWESOME! You didn't do it in a "revengeful" way, you just let the RIGHT person know that his "wife" was bothering you.

 

Classic. Nearly spit my soda on the screen laughing!

[Dexter Morgan]

Dude -- FREAKING AWESOME! You didn't do it in a "revengeful" way, you just let the RIGHT person know that his "wife" was bothering you.

 

Classic. Nearly spit my soda on the screen laughing!

 

I seriously thought about not sending it, but I thought her husband deserved to know, and it pissed me off about the circumstances in which she chose to contact me

[001bh]

this is too awesome!

[JimmyB26]

Hey Sevenscars, have the texts/calls subsided?

 

I've been broken up for ~4 months, tried to be her friend, wound up on the back burner, and have been NC for 11 days now. Luckily I had an opportunity to leave her ass with some great, charismatic, awesome memories of me just before I put her ass in NC (a couple awesome, fun, evenings, the knowledge of me with different women on dates, etc.). She saw the powerful, confident, fun guy I was when we met, and then I disappeared.

 

I've tried the NC before, but she would always pull me back, acting like a victim, like I was avoiding her on purpose. Telling me sob stories about her absentee father who she tried to get in touch with over and over just to hear nothing, and how I was doing the same thing. Not going to work on me anymore, my friends are telling me she sees in me someone with a good heart who she can eventually manipulate into giving her a ring on her finger.

 

Anyway, she's got this puppydog doormat of an LDR boyfriend, completely whipped - better him than me. Every time she would go to see him or vice versa, I'd hear from her immediately before and after they saw each other, just to check in, make sure I was still on the hook. But I didn't respond this last time, before or after she saw him. A week later, yesterday, I get a text saying:

 

"How come I haven't heard from you?"

 

Take a friggin' guess. The more I think about it, the more it infuriates me that I didn't see this girl for who she was. Taking me for granted, as if it's a guarantee she'd hear from me again. Rude awakening.

[madhatter]

[quote=Dexter Morgan;2349001

 

I had an old girlfriend who I was suppose to marry long ago when we got out of college. Long story short, caught her in bed with another guy, I left, never looked back.

 

4 years after I left her, she was married for about 2 years and sent me a letter to express her condolences about one of my family member's dying. That pissed me off that she'd use that occasion to contact me.

 

So here she was, writing me a letter as a married woman telling me that she wished things would have been different for us.

 

So what did I do you ask? I put the letter in an envelope, addressed it to her husband(since I knew his name) and included a post-it note that said, "tell your wife to leave me alone". never heard from her again:cool:

 

Brilliant!! Simply brilliant! :bunny::bunny: