chezmozart Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I am now working in Hong Kong.. talked with my bf last week and he said he could not wait for too longer (it's very understandable). I have to work in HK till July next year since my contract is here, and breaching it will waste lots of money. Israel is very bad in foreign worker policy and no way i can get a work permit as a Chinese (since lots of Chinese there are illegal workers, so we are not welcomed, though i got master's degree). But i really understand him that he cannot wait for too long. (though during the period we will meet each other at least twice, over 20 days in all) the only way i go there is applying a school to learn hebrew (which is cheaper), but if i go there, i have to quit my job and go there as a student without any income and use up all my savings that i'm gonna save this year. The thing that i can gain is probably i will speak good hebrew after learning it for a year (since i've learned French in China for a year and now i can speak french fluently). Is it worth going? To give up everything that i have here, to borrow some money from parents, to Israel to study , as well as to meet him? Really need your opinion... and if any of you knows some funding that may give students who is non-jew, pls let me know (i just find as a non-jew I am totally useless there....bad) Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I am now working in Hong Kong.. talked with my bf last week and he said he could not wait for too longer (it's very understandable). I have to work in HK till July next year since my contract is here, and breaching it will waste lots of money. Israel is very bad in foreign worker policy and no way i can get a work permit as a Chinese (since lots of Chinese there are illegal workers, so we are not welcomed, though i got master's degree). But i really understand him that he cannot wait for too long. (though during the period we will meet each other at least twice, over 20 days in all) the only way i go there is applying a school to learn hebrew (which is cheaper), but if i go there, i have to quit my job and go there as a student without any income and use up all my savings that i'm gonna save this year. The thing that i can gain is probably i will speak good hebrew after learning it for a year (since i've learned French in China for a year and now i can speak french fluently). Is it worth going? To give up everything that i have here, to borrow some money from parents, to Israel to study , as well as to meet him? Really need your opinion... and if any of you knows some funding that may give students who is non-jew, pls let me know (i just find as a non-jew I am totally useless there....bad) Thank you! Why is it understandable that he can not wait? Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I don't think you should do it! Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I am now working in Hong Kong.. talked with my bf last week and he said he could not wait for too longer (it's very understandable). I have to work in HK till July next year since my contract is here, and breaching it will waste lots of money. Israel is very bad in foreign worker policy and no way i can get a work permit as a Chinese (since lots of Chinese there are illegal workers, so we are not welcomed, though i got master's degree). But i really understand him that he cannot wait for too long. (though during the period we will meet each other at least twice, over 20 days in all) the only way i go there is applying a school to learn hebrew (which is cheaper), but if i go there, i have to quit my job and go there as a student without any income and use up all my savings that i'm gonna save this year. The thing that i can gain is probably i will speak good hebrew after learning it for a year (since i've learned French in China for a year and now i can speak french fluently). Is it worth going? To give up everything that i have here, to borrow some money from parents, to Israel to study , as well as to meet him? Really need your opinion... and if any of you knows some funding that may give students who is non-jew, pls let me know (i just find as a non-jew I am totally useless there....bad) Thank you! Mozart, I livced in Israel for a while. I even posted my story on this thread recently to let everyone know what I had been through when involved in a LDR. Although my situation was an extreme case which I hope no one has to go though, I can tell you a little bit about living of there. I was living in Israel for about 2 months, I got offered a job teaching english for $4 an hour. Israel is always looking for jews to return to the country and they give them great benefits for doing so: Free hebrew lessons for 6 months, $600 a month stipend, free ticket to israel, free health insurance and no income tax for the first two years you are there. Do you know why they do all this? Because it is HARD to live over there. I don't know what kind of work you do but the biggest thing over there is IT and Computer Programming. I am the VP of a bank but I would have to work 20 years before I make even close to what I was making now. However, I really really loved her and was going to tough it out over there. Things happened but I will tell you that coming from America it was hard to adjust over there and you really need to understand that you will be like a little kid again. Having to learn a new langauage, go through the visa process, deal with the buerocracy is a very tough task. I dealt with it and came through the other end, but I was also engaged to this person. ] The toughest thing for me was being in a place where I had to rely so heavily on someone else at the onest to find my way. But you get past that and you make your own way. But for a non-jew the process is a lot tougher. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Is it worth going? To give up everything that i have here, to borrow some money from parents, to Israel to study , as well as to meet him? In my opinion unless you ARE married then you shouldn't do it.. You have no idea how many women I've known thru the years dropped everything in their life to move across the country to be with their BF and then some time goes by and they break up.. Some of those women gave up things such as you are considering.. Jobs.. careers.. degrees.. family.. all be be next to someone who after the breakup could give two shiots that they uprooted their whole life to be there. Don't do it.. your job and reputation is more important.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chezmozart Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 Well... our story is like this He used to be an exchange student at my University and that's how we met, like every couple our story is very sweet and romantic, but i know as a person even in love we should be very rational. We met each other December 6, it's already been 8 month,during the period i've visited him twice and stayed in israel about 5 weeks in all. I will say i love that country and it's culture. But unfortunately , i am not a jew. He's stil studying (since israelis they have to serve the army for at least three yrs after high school, he served for 4 years since he used to be an officer), so it's not realistic that he's gonna come to Hong Kong (though he really wants to ). He told me he could not wait for so long i think mainly for the physical reason... i know how men feel without intimate contact, i totally understand this, i try to think about things at his point of view... I know there is possibility that we will breakup (because nobody and guarantee anything) . I will not live with him there, i will only go there as a student to learn language at the same time I will try to look for a job (if possible), i learn maritime law and currently work for a marine insurance company in Hong Kong. The reason i will not live with him is that i want to study and i also need my personal space, i think in that way it's not gonna ruin the relationship (or not that fast) I do love him, at the same time i also know what lots of women do stupid things when their heads are too hot in love and i really don't want to make mistake since i am only 23 yrs old. At the same time i don't want to miss the one that i really love. I've tried to get some internships in israel (actually it's better because it can be count as work experience), but I couldn't find a way to stay there for one year other than learning hebrew there.. Maybe some of you will suggest the partner visa thing but i don't think it's good for us, we are loving each other, but too premature commitment is not a good thing, for both of us. It takes time to learn from a person, and if can be closer to him, can learn better as well. It's just my personal opinion... i am still very young but is facing to such a big decision. I don't know if i should talk with him again and what can i say to him. Love and career, seems always big conflicts. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 He told me he could not wait for so long i think mainly for the physical reason... i know how men feel without intimate contact, i totally understand this, i try to think about things at his point of view... Sorry but men can make choices just like we can. If a man loves YOU the way you love HIM then he can wait just as long as you have to. My husband has yearnings, etc. But he would not like it very much if I went off and slept with somebody else. So he has to abstain just as I do. Tough, yes. Impossible, NO. If a wife is in some horrible accident and she is unable to have sex it would be okay for him to leave her or vice versa? I think not. Commitment is just that. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health you stay with that person forsaking all others. If he can't wait for you then I would not be thinking of dropping my life to be with him. The first major problem he'll be gone and then where will you be. And you set a dangerous precedent by discarding your life because he pulls this type of selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chezmozart Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 thanks you for all of your concerns. Of course the best way is to get a job there, i just don't know how... that's really annoyed... Link to post Share on other sites
AnnPod Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Generally speaking I think it's worth the try. You are only 23, if it doesn't work out you have used up a lot of money, but you are clear that it's not gonna work, and you can use the time to learn another language and culture which is also nice on your CV. But - I can not make any judgement about your relationship, because I don't know you, but someone who writes you he's not gonna be faithful because of his male needs - this would not be acceptable for me. You would be the one making a huge commitment, and as it has been pointed out by a lot of people here, this is often the only way how things work out in LDRs. And for this I would require some respect by him. You must be sure the person is worth it. It will be a different language and culture, and it's not gonna be easy for you. For someone who is considering all this, he must not put this kind of pressure on you. And I mean, it's not all about sex. If it's for real, it must be deeper than that. Another thing I would think of: Are you happy with your life in Hongkong? Do you feel like staying there, or would you like to try out something new? Not for him, but for yourself. Because I would not want to depend on someone, and completely put a huge decision like that exclusively on him. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 i wouldn't recommend you drop your entire life and move to israel just for some dude. you'll most likely regret it fairly quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chezmozart Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 I've been to israel twice, i really liked there as a traveller. Well... i know not as a traveller it's gonna be different. I won governmental scholarship coming to Hong Kong and found the job by myself after getting master's degree. I do want to learn another language.. if i can obtain hebrew, i will speak Chinese (mandarine, cantonese, shanghaiese), english, french and (hebrew).. i also thinking living abroad for a while is good for me.. (i want to do something special, but not for man , when i am young...) of course if i move there i will not live with him, not even in a same city (israel is really small and connected by train). I don't want to move there 100% for him, i probably will get my lawyer's license in China if will pass the bar exam which i am preparing. if i got it , i can always have a nice job as a lawyer in China. and i can always go back to Hong Kong... i think what i need now is experience, and cannot work in israel is very very annoyed bcs i want to do sth there other than studying language only. Link to post Share on other sites
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