What's there to do?

[Nice Guy]

I know this girl that I'm a really good friend of, but not romantically involved with. Our relationship is at a high level where it is beyond just sexual; it is trusting, open, honest and deep, but without the physical part. What can I do with her to get to know her better and to really connect on a deep level with her? What sort of games, or trust-building activities can we do to become closer without being sexual? I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of interpersonal communication games or drama exercises. Please help me out.

[Tony T]

It is not necessary to complicate this so much. I think that may be your problem.

 

You need to get together with her...grab a bite to eat...and take her for an evening walk in a (safe) park, downtown area, or some other romantic place. Sit on a bench with her and give her some hints about how you feel about her. Read her face and body language. Then you need to go for a kiss.

 

You need to do this now. By this time in the relationship, she may be wondering when this kiss is going to come. It sounds like you have built a pretty good bond.

 

If you REALLY have the kind of relationship you describe in your post, trusting, open, honest and deep, you have a lot more going for you that many romantic and/or sexual relationships. You just need to put on the frosting. You say in your post you want to get closer without getting sexual. Well, in my opnion you have accomplished that. And what is so bad about getting sexual? If she really likes you, she is waiting for you to make the move, bud.

 

I am assuming she is not seeing other people and the two of you spend a lot of time together.

 

If she sees you ONLY as a friend, she will tell you at this time. If she is a GOOD friend, she will not let this be awkward for you. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by going for it.

 

Interpersonal communication games and drama exercises you refer to would make most ladies barf, if they thought you were using this as a way to upgrade a relationship. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line...from your lips to hers...and from wherever else to you know where!!!

[Alissa]

Unless she has a boyfriend the chances are pretty high that she has serious feelings for you if your relationship is really as close as you describe it.

 

Try to be a bit romantic, but not too much. Give her the feeling that she is special to you, and that you don't only see the mate and good friend in her, and that she is beautiful .

 

Take her out for dinner, or take her to a picnic in some park.

 

Try to get body contact, like let your feet or hands touch. But give her space ot move away if she doesn't feel like it. If she keeps the contact for a while try a bit more, and try to go for a kiss at the end. But always leave her the oportunity to move away if she does not want the same thing.

 

But you really have nothing to loose. Sometimes you have to try your luck if you want to achieve a higher stage in your relationship.

 

But always stay honest with her and respect her wishes. Then nothing can go wrong!

[LT]

Great advice from Tony and Alissa. Just wanted to add something in case you try it and the "worst case scenario" happens...that is, she doesn't return your feelings at all.

 

I had a really close guy friend who tried to change the relationship by surprising me with a kiss. I liked him a lot as a friend but had absolutely no romantic feelings toward him at all, mostly because I was recovering from a another relationship and still had feelings for someone else. But when he kissed me I felt shocked and betrayed and wanted NOTHING to do with him. See, I thought he was "safe" and I wasn't looking for anything with anyone at the time.

 

If this happens to you, you should do what this wonderful guy did...he backed off the physical part all together, first thing. Then he absolutely refused to let go of me as a friend...he went to great pains to call and "chat" with me as sort of a girlfriend, telling me about other girls he'd started to date, asking me for advice. He pretended the kiss never happened and would not let me avoid him (we shared mutual friends). He absolutely endeared himself to me because he made me feel like my friendship to him was VERY important him. He ignored my initial hostility and never showed me his own hurt about the situation. He ended up dating someone else and getting very serious with her (4 years now with her!) so we stopped seeing each other much but I miss him, though I'm happy for him.

 

Anyway, it takes an extraordinary man to pull off something like that with an old cynic like me, but if the worse happens to you, try to be like this friend of mine. Trust me, if he ever breaks up with his girlfriend I'd be happy for another chance with him!

 

LT

I know this girl that I'm a really good friend of, but not romantically involved with. Our relationship is at a high level where it is beyond just sexual; it is trusting, open, honest and deep, but without the physical part. What can I do with her to get to know her better and to really connect on a deep level with her? What sort of games, or trust-building activities can we do to become closer without being sexual? I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of interpersonal communication games or drama exercises. Please help me out.