Author NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Nightlord, if Angelface's ex had texted her 'I miss you' would your advice be the same? It's not exactly a question that she can reply to...just wondering what you'd suggest her to do then. (There is a very similar situation I know of here which is why I'm asking) Thanks Yes my advice would still be the same. A text message is an informal way of communication as is e-mail. Sending a text with "i miss you" or "i love you" is just like sending "how are you?" it doesn't matter. Its not like they are making the effort of driving over to your house and saying i miss you to your face or even picking up the phone and doing the same. If it were me and my ex texted me with "i miss you" my response would be "i would miss me too." as I would not say it back because then they will get their validation and their "fix" of knowing you do miss them. So yes I would tell her the same thing as before. Text messages are NOT serious forms of emotional communication.
caramel c Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Yes my advice would still be the same. A text message is an informal way of communication as is e-mail. Sending a text with "i miss you" or "i love you" is just like sending "how are you?" it doesn't matter. Its not like they are making the effort of driving over to your house and saying i miss you to your face or even picking up the phone and doing the same. So yes I would tell her the same thing as before. Text messages are NOT serious forms of emotional communication. I agree, which is why my advice would be to ignore it, even if she wanted to get back together with him. If his intention is to get back together then he would be making more of an effort than that. He'd be calling asking her to see him in person, to admit his mistake of breaking up with her and straight up saying he wants her back. So, in this case do you still think she should write something back or just ignore until there is a realistic attempt at reconciliation? I am asking because you said that you do not agree with ignoring the dumpers' contacts...
caramel c Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Nightlord is probably sick of us all by now...lol
caramel c Posted August 13, 2009 Posted August 13, 2009 Ok, I just read the rest of your reply, maybe you edited it, but anyway that answers my question...thank you so much.
Author NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Ok, I just read the rest of your reply, maybe you edited it, but anyway that answers my question...thank you so much. Ya I did edit it because I forgot to put in a part originally. I don't believe in ignoring exes because it really is an immature way of dealing with things. If you can let them know that you are not going to be bothered or effected by their actions that shows strength of will and a lot of fortitude. I personally would not have any respect for someone who ignored me and would find them weak and incapable of handling their problems or emotions. So my answer is to still respond but to do so with indifference and lack of emotion.
Author NightLord1 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 Thanks again! Any time that is why I posted this thread. If anyone finds that my words or advice helps them in some way all the better.
Pfiend101 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 what do you think about someone who dumps you through a text? My ex lady dumped me through a text. 5 days after telling me I was everything she wanted in a man. That I was too good to be true etc....
Author NightLord1 Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 what do you think about someone who dumps you through a text? My ex lady dumped me through a text. 5 days after telling me I was everything she wanted in a man. That I was too good to be true etc.... I think that is cowardly and it shows how much they valued that relationship which was ZERO. Doesn't matter what they say prior to that because people say a lot of things just to say it because it sounded good at the time.
carnegie Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I don't believe in ignoring exes because it really is an immature way of dealing with things. If you can let them know that you are not going to be bothered or effected by their actions that shows strength of will and a lot of fortitude. I personally would not have any respect for someone who ignored me and would find them weak and incapable of handling their problems or emotions. So my answer is to still respond but to do so with indifference and lack of emotion. It's not easy to let them know that i m not going to be effected by their action. I think NC is avoid talking to them, never reply the sms, email,or answer a call, never let them hear about you...And i think NC will be great if it is done correctly. So do i break NC if i reply them such "i'm fine" or "everything is okay"?
Author NightLord1 Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 It's not easy to let them know that i m not going to be effected by their action. I think NC is avoid talking to them, never reply the sms, email,or answer a call, never let them hear about you...And i think NC will be great if it is done correctly. So do i break NC if i reply them such "i'm fine" or "everything is okay"? Everyone has their own view of NC. I believe NC is NC unless THEY contact you. Others think NC is ignoring them all together and again I don't agree with that. But it all depends on your intentions. If you want to try again with an ex I think ignoring them is just plain pointless. If you want them out of your life all together then ya that is one way to do it. If they contact you first and ask what is going on or how you are doing just reply back "i'm good." or "everything is cool, thanks." Thats it nothing more and don't ask how they are doing either.
carnegie Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Everyone has their own view of NC. I believe NC is NC unless THEY contact you. Others think NC is ignoring them all together and again I don't agree with that. But it all depends on your intentions. If you want to try again with an ex I think ignoring them is just plain pointless. If you want them out of your life all together then ya that is one way to do it. If they contact you first and ask what is going on or how you are doing just reply back "i'm good." or "everything is cool, thanks." Thats it nothing more and don't ask how they are doing either. I see what you mean, NightLord1. Your advice is excellent, you might have much experience in this problem. Thank you very much!
mmk1 Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 NL, I called my ex with whom I'm trying to reconcile two nights ago and got this email the next morning: "Hi! I got your message this AM. How was your trip? Sorry for not calling back. I have a sore throat and a headache and this is all I can manage right now. :(" She never calls and now is rarely returning my phonecalls. However, she will email back instantly and will meet me out for drinks or lunch whenever I want, but only platonically. It pisses me off that she emails back instead of calling and I told her this before. So I emailed back to call when she feels better and pick a date for us to go out for martinis, which we talked about doing before my trip. NL, any idea why she refuses to use the phone to communicate? My thought is to only use the phone to communicate with her. I may be wasting my time trying to get back together with her. It seems like a bad sign but any thoughts?
silic0ntoad Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 mmk1- Sounds like it could be a few things- first, I'd think she isn't using the phone because someone there doesn't know she is talking to you. Second, it could be too personal for her at this point.
Thaddeus Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 She never calls and now is rarely returning my phonecalls. However, she will email back instantly and will meet me out for drinks or lunch whenever I want, but only platonically.Mmk1, you're friend-zoned. There's no escape. Sorry, dude, but you have zero chance with her. Zero.
silic0ntoad Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 Mmk1, you're friend-zoned. There's no escape. Sorry, dude, but you have zero chance with her. Zero. Agreed. There is an escape. NC. Ditch her. Cut her off completely. Friend zoning is horrid. Any time I see it going that way, I cut them off like a cancerous growth. I'll find FRIENDS on my own time.
Author NightLord1 Posted August 14, 2009 Author Posted August 14, 2009 NL, I called my ex with whom I'm trying to reconcile two nights ago and got this email the next morning: "Hi! I got your message this AM. How was your trip? Sorry for not calling back. I have a sore throat and a headache and this is all I can manage right now. :(" She never calls and now is rarely returning my phonecalls. However, she will email back instantly and will meet me out for drinks or lunch whenever I want, but only platonically. It pisses me off that she emails back instead of calling and I told her this before. So I emailed back to call when she feels better and pick a date for us to go out for martinis, which we talked about doing before my trip. NL, any idea why she refuses to use the phone to communicate? My thought is to only use the phone to communicate with her. I may be wasting my time trying to get back together with her. It seems like a bad sign but any thoughts? Silic and Thad pretty much said it right there. Here's the thing...if your ex doesn't come right out and tell you they want to be back with you they are going to just string you along endlessly because they know you are going to be there for them. I would go right back to NC and if they do contact you respond but again just keep it indifferent. If your ex wanted you back there wouldn't be anything that would stop them from coming back to you. They would definitely let you know they wanted to be back by flat out saying they do. Anything else is just a pointless and endless go around. Sometimes it has to take people to realize what they don't have to appreciate what they had when they did have it.
borbiusle Posted August 14, 2009 Posted August 14, 2009 I did NC, she contacted me 2 weeks later(texting), she asked me how I was doing, I told her I was doing good and I've been busy lately. Now she's asking if we can be friends, she misses talking to me, claims another guy was never involved when she broke up with me, etc. I haven't said anything to her except that one text I mentioned since she broke up with me. My gut tells me she's giving me BS, but I don't feel like feeding into this charade with her. I'm most likely going to go back to NC until she can do something more sincere, or I'm just calling it quits on this chick.
MrFun Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Say you've been dumped many times in a row by women you've been together with for weeks, months and even years. And once they leave you never hear from them again, even though you're really good with the NC thing. Does that mean you're just a crap person that noone is even slightly curious about? All through my life not a single person that has dumped me has tried contacting me *at all*. After they walked out, I never contacted them again either, but then again I was cheated on and dumped. What is the pattern there? ** NC means to me to get myself sorted out btw. Not to manipulate them into running after me. Just odd, that noone has ever bothered.
mmk1 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 NL1, Silic and Thaddeus, thanks for the advice! Still no response to my email or a return call. You guys are on the money. I thought the same but hoped others mights see it differently. Thanks again!
carnegie Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Day #4 NC! I feel better! I cant image that there is a useful forum like loveshack. Thanks to many good people like NightLord1, Devil Inside, Thadder, Caliduy, Hoping2heal,...your advice is really teaching me a lot. You helped me to be mature in love! I didnt know how to get my ex back, but i realize that there is only her mind can take her back. There is no need to do anything...wella, my feeling right now is, missing the person i loved, missing the love she gave me. But she has changed, and her love has change too...
northstar1 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Could be a few things She's seeing someone new and doesn't want to talk to you while she is with them. She isn't ready/doesn't want to get into a serious conversation over the phone, so she uses a one sided medium to respond.
MrFun Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I didnt know how to get my ex back, but i realize that there is only her mind can take her back. There is no need to do anything... That should be the subtitle of this site. The sooner people accept this, the sooner they'll have their heart unbroken.
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