need to let someone down gently.. how?

[subtitled]

For months i was chasing after a guy who worked in the cd store near me (been posted about in numerous threads), but i gave up after his erratic behaviour was giving me mixed signals.

 

Since then, i found someone unexpectedly, and we get along famously. He has told my friend he intends to ask me out properly after i come back from holidays.. he is everything i'd ever wished for in a partner..

 

However, last night at about 1am, having talked to the new guy for about 2 hours on the phone earlier in the evening, i received some unexpected sms messages on my phone from the boy i had been interested in before (cd boy). He seems to want to get to know me better, and was flirting quite a bit, joking round.... quite contrary to his behaviour in person which is pretty flat, unemotional (for a while i thought he was schizophrenic...)..

 

he asked me to call him when i get back from holidays.

 

i hate myself for finding his enigma more attractive than the new guy's open romantic honesty... but i know that the new guy is right for me and the old one is just some sort of ideal music freak person i wish i was myself (i'm not good at apathy followed by enthusiasm... he does it amazingly well.. for some weird reason i envy this ability, as well as thinking he is a cool guy into the same music and stuff as me)

 

how do i let the cd guy know i just want to be friends, without seeming totally inconsistent (as up until this point i've shown lots of interest in him...) and without shutting him down, meanwhile not betraying the new guy who i really like?

[wiseOLDman]

subtitled, this is actually a pretty easy one in my book. Let CD guy know that you could never really figure out where he was coming from and didn't get the vibes from him that he was interested in anything other than a flirtatious friendship. Let him know that you're seeing someone, but you never know what will happen. If you can keep him on the friendship level, do that. In the meantime investigate this new relationship with Mr. Right.

 

It can be very flattering to be courted by 2 guys, especially when they have completely different personalities. Go with your heart and see where it leads, but do your best not to burn bridges.

[solitasviator]

Here is my advice: BE COMPLETELY HONEST.

Some girls seem to have a hard time with that, they seem to be so worried about "letting someone down gently", that they end up leaving the guy more confused then before he expressed his interest. I have experienced this, i became interested in one of my best friends, when i finally told her we had a very long conversation in which pretty much nothing of certainty was said. However the next day when she wouldnt return my phone calls, or emails and completely ignored me when i saw her on campus i figured the answer was no. so yeah i much would have preffered for her to be completely honest and straightforward, It hurts much worse when its handled the other way.

Anyways that my bit of advice.

[Karlise]

Right, honesty is the best policy.

 

"Letting someone down gently" is also known as "stringing them along"

 

I can't think of something more undignified than feeling like someone was being nice to me......just so that they wouldn't feel guilty.

[Girlie]

"Letting someone down gently" is also known as "stringing them along"

 

YES!! Sorry, but one of my friends has just never agreed with me on that issue. I say the longer you stay with them, the harder it is for them in the end. You're just stringing them along until you feel comfy wiggling out. Sorry...just had to get that out. lol.

[Curt]

Subtitled,

 

Since I encouraged you early on to let him know how you feel, I will also chime in now to say that you should be honest and lay it gently but honestly on the line.

 

Sometimes things don't work out. This may be just such a case.

 

No stringing along. Just be real with it.

 

Curt