please help, im in desperate need of advice.

[Syndikate_69]

Well, im a 16 male. And I have realized that i am in love with this woman that works at my school. She is a Cafeteria lunch lay. She is about 40, maybe 5'5. blondish red hair, and to me, the most attractive woman ever.

 

i recently told her, in a love poem, how i feel of her. She contacted the guidance counseler at my school, because she was worried about me. I should like girls my age. I have always had a thing for older women. My guidance counseler, and i talked and and ruled that i have a crush on her. I know this isnt true. I find myself thinking of this woman all the time. well, her , and that woman on the sprint commercial about nickle minutes, but i know i have a crush on the nickle lady.

 

ok, so most people say im young, that i have a crush on the lunch lady. Thats not true. I know she is the woman of my dreams. I would gladly be a slave to her beckon call. I dont ask sexual contact with this woman, thats againt the law, well till im a bit older. all i care about is spending all my time with her. now i expressed this in the letter, and we both kinda felt uneasy about it. she was overwelmed im sure. Im very shy and dont know how to talk to her. what do you think? being you took the time to read this plea for help, im willing to listen to your judgment. It cant hurt. thank you very much, my email is

 

<e-mail address removed>

 

im hoping to hear a reply from someone with some help.

[Tony T]

If you have such strong feelings for this lady, leave her alone and don't send her any more letters.

 

I'm sure that while she was very flattered, she felt very uncomfortable. There are many legal ramifications to this type of exchange. Do your love a major favor and beg off for now. The chances of this lady seeing you as more than a very immature young person are extremely remote.

 

There is no way to reason why we are attracted to different people. Your attraction to women much older than you may indicate that either your mother abandoned you at a young age or was not emotionally available to you. You may be looking for a mother substitute. You can get this through certain organizations such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

 

There is very little right now you can offer a much older woman. You are not even remotely close in intellectual or emotional stability. You lack life experiences. You do not have commonality of historic events to reflect upon. You are one or two generations apart and your values are likely to be very different. If this lady was retarded and decided to interact with you in a personal way, you would be very disappointed.

 

I hope you will continue in counselling and learn to become attracted to ladies your own age. You will never be young again and have access to the wonderful ladies in your age bracket that are available to you now.

 

I am answering this post in a serious way, assuming this is not a put-on. But a big part of me wonders if this is a joke. My sincere hope is that it was posted as a joke because if this situation actually exists, you have some very serious issues to deal with.

 

STOP GOING AFTER OLDER WOMEN. IF YOU CARE ABOUT THEM AT ALL, YOU WILL NOT WANT TO PUT THEM IN SUCH AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION OR IN A PLACE WHERE THEY COULD BE INVESTIGATED AND, EVEN WORSE, GO TO JAIL.

[D.]

Dear Syndicate, Please tell me more about this 40 yr. old woman of "your dreams". Is she married? How many children does she have? What is her dog's name? How much is her mortgage? What is her favorite music, perfume? What kind of movies and books does she enjoy? Does she like sports, if so what kind? What is her bestfriend's name and what is she like and where does she work? What are this woman's future plans and goals for her life? What is her favorite color? Favorite food? Where did she take her last vacation and did she enjoy herself? Etc., Etc., Etc.,

 

Are you getting the picture here? I don't mean to be harsh, really I don't as I DO feel for you, however, you really don't know this woman at all, do you? You are basing everything that you feel for her upon her looks, how you see her behave IN PUBLIC towards you and the other "kids" at her place of work (where she is certainly on her best behavior ... I assure you).

 

It may not seem that it is a "crush" to you, but it is, in fact feelings of infatuation. How do I know this? If you were in "true love" with this woman, you would not only know the answers to most of the questions I have asked above, but you would also be apprecitive of all these aspects of her life.

 

It is obvious that you believe you have deep feelings for this woman. It is possible that these are feelings of "transference" as this is very common. Please be sure to take a moment to look up "transference" in a dictionary. In essence, you take the emotional and personality makeup of a person who you love (or would want to love) and attribute (or give) all those traits to the person you do not even know and feel that you do. You feel that you know her so well that you imagine that you know everything about her. YOU DON'T! This is not good.

 

Before you can truly love another person, you must get to know so very many things about them, their personality, their lifestye, their goals. THEN, after that, you must share most of those things in common. Sir, you DO NOT have any of the qualifications I have listed. You are enamoured, infatuated ... not in love.

 

You do have issues here as you say you fall for older women all the time. Could this mean that you are looking for a mother figure? That, too, is common. There are a lot of girls out that that never had a dad or had a rotten dad that date only men twice their age as they are looking for a father figure. I am sure you have heard of this.

 

Please, do yourself a favor. Get help as these fantasies can get you into a lot of trouble later in life. It looks as though you have already made life uncomfortable for this woman and yourself by your attentions and advancement towards her by way of a love poem as that was completely inappropriate.

 

Find out why you "fall for" these women instead of girls your own age. I advise counseling and you being honest to YOURSELF as well as to your counselor. Again, I repeat, Be HONEST TO YOURSELF as well as your counselor.

 

Leave this woman alone. You are treading in dangerous territory. I hope this post is not a joke, as this is NOT a joking matter. Again, leave this woman alone!

 

Good luck!

[James]

STOP going after this women. You are 16 you're life is still ahaed of you and one reason why you go for older women may be ( - leaving aside the things about every boys dreams to get an experienced woman to show him the secrets of love -) that in real you are not ready yet to have a "normal" relationship but you wish you were!

Well, im a 16 male. And I have realized that i am in love with this woman that works at my school. She is a Cafeteria lunch lay. She is about 40, maybe 5'5. blondish red hair, and to me, the most attractive woman ever. i recently told her, in a love poem, how i feel of her. She contacted the guidance counseler at my school, because she was worried about me. I should like girls my age. I have always had a thing for older women. My guidance counseler, and i talked and and ruled that i have a crush on her. I know this isnt true. I find myself thinking of this woman all the time. well, her , and that woman on the sprint commercial about nickle minutes, but i know i have a crush on the nickle lady.

 

ok, so most people say im young, that i have a crush on the lunch lady. Thats not true. I know she is the woman of my dreams. I would gladly be a slave to her beckon call. I dont ask sexual contact with this woman, thats againt the law, well till im a bit older. all i care about is spending all my time with her. now i expressed this in the letter, and we both kinda felt uneasy about it. she was overwelmed im sure. Im very shy and dont know how to talk to her. what do you think? being you took the time to read this plea for help, im willing to listen to your judgment. It cant hurt. thank you very much, my email is

 

<e-mail address removed> im hoping to hear a reply from someone with some help.