john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 My ex is stringing me along by occasionally getting in touch after various spells for no reason, my question is why? Is it incase their current situation goes up in smoke in which case they can go back to you? or is it they will always string you along so that you are constantly the back up to every guy in their life without ever getting back with you? What are people's experiences of this please? Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I've lived this a couple of times and it's no fun. While it's impossible to truly define what's going on in someone else's head, in my cases it was clear that the women in question wanted to 'remain friends' (translation = be their emotional tampon and get nothing in return), expect favors and to help buck up their ego. It's all just background noise. You can ignore them and they'll eventually go away, or you can send them one - and ONLY one - strongly worded message: Do not contact me again. Ever. That means no texts, no calls, no emails, no letters, no smoke signals, no messages through friends... Nothing. I've done both. Frankly, sending the strongly worded message made me feel better and her attempts to contact me ended shortly after that (following a teary and weepy attempt at manipulation over the phone - but hey, it was her that cheated on me. I wasn't about to tolerate that). Link to post Share on other sites
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 My ex is stringing me along by occasionally getting in touch after various spells for no reason, my question is why? Is it incase their current situation goes up in smoke in which case they can go back to you? or is it they will always string you along so that you are constantly the back up to every guy in their life without ever getting back with you? What are people's experiences of this please? Women do this crap all the time. Like Thad said they want to keep you around because now that you are broken up they think they can go to you and talk about their problems because they have a comfort level with you because they know you will be there for them. The translation to this isn't necessarily being strung along but it is you are now a girlfriend to her with a set of balls. Whenever a woman does this the only thing that will work is to not be available to them when they want you to be. I'm not saying out right ignore them but if they contact you tell them your busy or that you are out and you will get back to her when YOU have time. And yes women will ensure that an ex is still "around" to see if they have something to go back to if their current guy doesn't work out and the more you let her string you along and the more you let her take advantage of you the less likely she will consider wanting to come back. Simply put...don't put up with this behavior or it will just continue and you will be frustrated and pulling your hair out of your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 I've lived this a couple of times and it's no fun. While it's impossible to truly define what's going on in someone else's head, in my cases it was clear that the women in question wanted to 'remain friends' (translation = be their emotional tampon and get nothing in return), expect favors and to help buck up their ego. It's all just background noise. You can ignore them and they'll eventually go away, or you can send them one - and ONLY one - strongly worded message: Do not contact me again. Ever. That means no texts, no calls, no emails, no letters, no smoke signals, no messages through friends... Nothing. I've done both. Frankly, sending the strongly worded message made me feel better and her attempts to contact me ended shortly after that (following a teary and weepy attempt at manipulation over the phone - but hey, it was her that cheated on me. I wasn't about to tolerate that). Got to say bro "emotional tampon" made me laugh that's a classic, don't fancy sending an email I think I will keep ignoring her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Women do this crap all the time. Like Thad said they want to keep you around because now that you are broken up they think they can go to you and talk about their problems because they have a comfort level with you because they know you will be there for them. The translation to this isn't necessarily being strung along but it is you are now a girlfriend to her with a set of balls. Whenever a woman does this the only thing that will work is to not be available to them when they want you to be. I'm not saying out right ignore them but if they contact you tell them your busy or that you are out and you will get back to her when YOU have time. And yes women will ensure that an ex is still "around" to see if they have something to go back to if their current guy doesn't work out and the more you let her string you along and the more you let her take advantage of you the less likely she will consider wanting to come back. Simply put...don't put up with this behavior or it will just continue and you will be frustrated and pulling your hair out of your head. "A girlfriend with a set of balls" again that's brilliant haha, no one wants to be the homosexual mate but I still want to know does this go on for years if you let it I take it? or does it only happen with the rebound boyfriend? Then does she use that sucker for when she moves on to the next one after him? Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 "A girlfriend with a set of balls" again that's brilliant haha, no one wants to be the homosexual mate but I still want to know does this go on for years if you let it I take it? or does it only happen with the rebound boyfriend? Then does she use that sucker for when she moves on to the next one after him? Depends on he girl, my ex did it for months until I ignored her. They want to have someone that they can call or text once in a while, and when you answer, they know you are still after them. One woman wsaid it on here "its nice to have someone want you, even if you dont like them". oOme people with low self esteem need validation by hanging onto people like that, despite how awful it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Got to say bro "emotional tampon" made me laugh that's a classic, don't fancy sending an email I think I will keep ignoring her.Don't thank me, thank the deceased Sam Kinison. “About breaking up: “She says, ‘Can’t we be still like see each other once in a while and have lunch or see a movie? Just to be friends?’ I said ‘Yeah, friends, I think I know what you mean. I’ve become some kind of emotional tampon that you need four or five days a month when no one else will take your F—ING bull****. But we don’t F–K, right? Isn’t that what friends is, we don’t F–K, right? Link to post Share on other sites
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Don't thank me, thank the deceased Sam Kinison. LOL damn straight I loved that bit he had. Link to post Share on other sites
NightLord1 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 "A girlfriend with a set of balls" again that's brilliant haha, no one wants to be the homosexual mate but I still want to know does this go on for years if you let it I take it? or does it only happen with the rebound boyfriend? Then does she use that sucker for when she moves on to the next one after him? It can go on for as long as you allow it to go on. Like Boogie said his didn't stop doing it until he had to ignore her. Depending on where you want to go or what you want from this chic do NOT let her do this. Next she contacts you tell her your "busy" or that you are "out" and you will "get back to her when you have the time." Your already split up and know it and shes seeing someone else. Don't be afraid that doing things like that will make her disappear. She only will if you tell her you do not want to talk to her again or if you ignore her everytime she contacts you. Ignoring her and there is good but all outright ignoring will make her give up and stop contacting you all together. Just depends on what you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Someone in an old thread said "it's their string, but your choice to hold onto it", and it's true. My ex would write back to my emails, told me she wasn't in love with the new guy she's with, and I fell for it all, because I wanted to. Now I've gone NC and I feel so much better, because that "string' was starting to wrap around my neck and slowly kill me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Someone in an old thread said "it's their string, but your choice to hold onto it", and it's true. My ex would write back to my emails, told me she wasn't in love with the new guy she's with, and I fell for it all, because I wanted to. Now I've gone NC and I feel so much better, because that "string' was starting to wrap around my neck and slowly kill me. But why tell you she wasn't in love with this guy, when she knows fine well you like her? See it all seems like a sick game to me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Sick people play sick games and, IMO, it should be a girlfriend with a penis and *no* balls. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 But why tell you she wasn't in love with this guy, when she knows fine well you like her? See it all seems like a sick game to me. Don't waste your time asking why. We will never understand why they choose to do what they do. Those are the things that kept me hanging on, "why would she tell me she doesn't love him, if she wanted me to go away she would say she's madly in love and never wants to hear from me again". "WHY" is a dangerous word that will keep you stringing YOURSELF along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john1988 Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Sick people play sick games and, IMO, it should be a girlfriend with a penis and *no* balls. Too too true Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 But why tell you she wasn't in love with this guy, when she knows fine well you like her? See it all seems like a sick game to me. Because thats how they had it done to them at one time, and they get a boost out of getting to do it with someone else. So all the lies work that you like to hear to keep you hanging on. You think you would hang around if they said "Im so in love with this new guy, and I could NEVER see myself going back to you in a million years"? They know this, so they tell whatever lie they could to keep you hangin on. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 You think you would hang around if they said "Im so in love with this new guy, and I could NEVER see myself going back to you in a million years"? They know this, so they tell whatever lie they could to keep you hangin on. Yup. This is again an example of how asking yourself "why" is a dangerous game to play. We look at things from only two perspectives, either they're in love and they moved on, or they are dying to get back with us. So we try to categorize "why" they are behaving a certain way into one of those two categories. But guess what, the answer is neither. They don't want you back, nor are they completely happy with losing you for good. They want you stuck somewhere in between, still loving them, still chasing them, but it has to be your choice to move on. If they keep tossing you crumbs and you show them that that's enough to keep you in love, that's all they'll keep giving you. Walk away and show them that it's all or nothing. I know my ex wanted to stay friends, so it gives me satisfaction going no contact. If she wants me in her life, she'll have to ask herself why she got rid of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 but find this subject very interesting. The same thing has been going on with me and my ex who dumped me last year, on my birthday mind you. He tries every few months to start a “friendship" with me. When I ask him why, he says that he still cares about me and still likes to talk to me, which in truth means absolutely nothing to me. It's such a general and generic statement. Anyways every time he does this it pulls me back into having hope of a reconciliation even though he has a new girlfriend and truthfully I don't want to be with him because as a boyfriend he really was awful. Of course now he’s as sweet and perfect as pie and will do anything I ask. I don’t get that because he sure wasn’t that kind of boyfiend. I get mad because this so called friendship never goes anywhere I want it to go so then I tell him we need to stop talking which we do, until a few months later he contacts me again to see if “I’m over it yet”. I started looking for information on the internet as to the psychology behind that sort of behavior and actually found a great answer that helped me put perspective on the whole thing. This article states that there really is never a good pure reason for an ex to be your friend: When an Ex Wants to be Friends Sometimes it’s great when an ex wants to be friends but mostly it’s not. Maybe you want nothing to do with your ex anymore – it’s over – or maybe you want to be much more than friends with your ex. Whatever your feelings, you need to know why your ex wants to be friends before you agree to be friends. As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think. If you still care for your ex you could be setting yourself up to get used and hurt. If you don’t, you could be setting yourself up for a whole lot of trouble by giving your ex false hopes or allowing them into your life, as “your friend.” Got a minute…? Take our quick and anonymous Being Friends With an Ex SURVEY and help us to help you! So, to help you make up your mind about whether or not it is a good idea to be friends with your ex here are possible reasons why they think it is. To make sure you identify the real reason, be very honest about your ex – what type of person they are. Is it really possible your ex still cares for you, are they possibly vengeful and spiteful, or is your ex stringing you along? One of the more harmless reasons why an ex wants to be friends is they think it is a kinder, gentler way to end your relationship. They have had a hard time deciding to break up and an even harder time doing it. They feel guilty about hurting you and want to do what they can to make you feel good about yourself. In practice, being downgraded from lover to friend – “You’re a great person and I’d like to stay friends” – can be more of an insult than a comfort. Another possibility is that your ex wants to be friends because it makes life easier. You still mix with the same people, hang out at the same places, and so on. They don’t want you to cramp their style by getting get jealous, angry or creating a scene. In other words, by asking you to be friends your ex is basically asking you to guarantee you’ll “act nice.” That way they won’t have to hide out and miss out on the action. It’s possible your ex wants to be friends because they still love you. If it has been a while since you broke up you may be thinking quite the opposite – that wanting to be friends is a sign they have finally accepted the break up. Don’t be fooled. It’s more likely a sign they want you back. Remember, it can take time for a hurt and angry ex who still loves you to realize they need some kind of contact – such as being friends – to have a chance of winning you back. If your ex ended the relationship, they may want to be friends to keep their options open. They want to try life without you but keep you “on ice” as a back up option if it doesn’t work out. One of the biggest dangers is that they don’t necessarily intend to get back together. They may only be interested in stringing you along for sex. Either way, this brand of “friendship” will usually include a healthy dose of flirtation designed to keep you interested and available. Sometimes an ex wants to be friends to keep tabs on you. They don’t want you anymore but they’re not happy with the idea of you being with someone else. This is not because they still care but because they are vain, selfish and controlling, and afraid of looking a fool if you quickly meet someone new and better than them. As “your friend,” they can be where you are and perhaps say or do things behind your back to spoil your chances with someone new. As you can see, when an ex wants to be friends there are good reasons to think very carefully about whether or not it is a good idea. Remember, there is no obligation to be friends with an ex. If you decide it is not a good idea, it does not mean you are choosing to be enemies. You can be civilized and polite without giving your ex the privileges that come with friendship. This is why, when an ex wants to be friends, you need to wonder why this is not enough – what they are hoping to gain. Copyright © 2007 Caroline Mackenzie All content at this site is original and copyright protected [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
manaja Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 My ex is stringing me along by occasionally getting in touch after various spells for no reason, my question is why? Is it incase their current situation goes up in smoke in which case they can go back to you? or is it they will always string you along so that you are constantly the back up to every guy in their life without ever getting back with you? What are people's experiences of this please? totally ignore her, i found out after 2 an half yrs of bein strung along we got back together, she dumps me an goes back to the guy who she dumps me for in the first place.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author john1988 Posted August 14, 2009 Author Share Posted August 14, 2009 totally ignore her, i found out after 2 an half yrs of bein strung along we got back together, she dumps me an goes back to the guy who she dumps me for in the first place.. Man thats harsh, she strung you along all that time to go back with him? Convinced the same thing would happen with me too Link to post Share on other sites
manaja Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Man thats harsh, she strung you along all that time to go back with him? Convinced the same thing would happen with me too Yeah stay away, nc..all the way, it wont happen to me again... Im 43 and thought I knew it quite well, ...not well enough lol ! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts