redy2 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 nc for me has helped me see the relationship more clearly ao i can make betetr decisions. if that makes sense to anyone Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I broke NC again. Its just so hard! I emailed her and we exchanged a few words. She told me that we both need to stop pretending like we are still together. I asked her if she has any regrets about leaving me. The only thing that she could say was "I don't know". I told her that it feels like we aren't ready to move on. Again she replied with " I don't know". I'm so confused. I don't know what to do anymore if I try NC she ends up calling me!!!!!! I mentioned that it maybe easier if we didn't talk to each other. She said that time would be the only factor in making is less painful. HELP!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 nc for me has helped me see the relationship more clearly ao i can make betetr decisions. if that makes sense to anyone Yes, it does. It allows you to step back and see it more clearly for what it was, not what we "pretended" it to be. In other words, the rose colored glasses will come off Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 hey trueblue we really have to stick to our guns this time bro no BS. That goes to everyone too, dont break your NC. i will try. day four (AGAIN). i really dont like this. we actually have never gone more than a month or two not talking in all the years we have known each other. nc for me has helped me see the relationship more clearly ao i can make betetr decisions. if that makes sense to anyone yes that does make sense. I broke NC again. Its just so hard! I emailed her and we exchanged a few words. She told me that we both need to stop pretending like we are still together. I asked her if she has any regrets about leaving me. The only thing that she could say was "I don't know". I told her that it feels like we aren't ready to move on. Again she replied with " I don't know". I'm so confused. I don't know what to do anymore if I try NC she ends up calling me!!!!!! I mentioned that it maybe easier if we didn't talk to each other. She said that time would be the only factor in making is less painful. HELP!!!!!!!!! i guess it sounds like you ought to be doing what the rest of us are trying to do JV. and that is give it some room. no contact and if she wants to talk to you she will contact you. pure & simple. she knows how you feel. Yes, it does. It allows you to step back and see it more clearly for what it was, not what we "pretended" it to be. In other words, the rose colored glasses will come off rose colored glasses, lol. i really admire people who can just go no contact with the thoughts in mind that's it. dont get me wrong i have done it before. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 True, I've been tryin to NC but she always calls me to see what I'm doing, how I am etc. NC isnt working! I don't understand why she contacts me if she doesn't want to be with me...:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 True, I've been tryin to NC but she always calls me to see what I'm doing, how I am etc. NC isnt working! I don't understand why she contacts me if she doesn't want to be with me...:lmao: NC is about you. It doesn't matter if she contacts you or not. You don't have to respond to her. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Yea, I understand that NC is for ME. It seems as if I have to work twice as hard b/c she always contacts me (work phone) I have no choice but to answer. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 True, I've been tryin to NC but she always calls me to see what I'm doing, how I am etc. NC isnt working! I don't understand why she contacts me if she doesn't want to be with me...:lmao: She does it to make herself feel better. As long as she knows you still want her, it boosts her self-esteem at the expense of yours. It isn't because she wants you. It's because she is completely selfish. When you ignore her with NC she starts to wonder "Hey does he miss me?!" Not because she cares about you, but because she wants that self-esteem boost you give her every time you cave in to her breaking your NC. Remember, NC is about YOU healing and regaining your confidence and self-esteem. If you break NC (by her or you), you start right back to ground zero. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Ground zero again!! You sir are 100% correct. I've only gone two days w/o NC but I have to admit it was the best feeling. I noticed that I thought of her alot less even in that short period of time. Once I started talking to her again the feelings started to rush back. She was constantly on my mind. Thanks for all the input.NC is the way to go Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 i just received an unexpected email from her. venting that work is driving her nuts. (as it does with all of us!) i have not responded. i am going to have to pause and think about this. not sure what to do. i almost want to just let it go and see what happens. but at the same time this instant i just heard from her i have this up lifting feeling inside me. and i feel happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Just Ignore her! You should read what caliguy wrote:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 i know. it just confuses me. because we agreed to remain friends and there would be no crying. its only been 4 days. i still have not responded. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ Read section 3... Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 good point. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Yup yup, Hopefully we will overcome these obstacles and come out stronger with time. I refuse to remain weak. I will continue to fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 she just texted me asking me why am i ignoring her. i have not responded to that either. i feel like i should this time. maybe in a little while once i have time to think about a response. i just needed a little time to think about things from her email. i dont want her to think i am her safety net if she needs to get out there and see what else is around. i didnt expect to get a text, not in a million years! i mean its kind of obvious why i wanted to give her room right? because she is talking to someone? but at the same time we agreed to remain friends if she did meet anybody. so confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 true, Did you keep NC? Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 If your head is messed then you cant be friends. you will keep hoping that you get back together. you wil have to get over her if you want to be friends. you cant do that until you stop talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 last night i texted her back - i just said , hey, im not ignoring you. and that turned into several text messages back and forth. nothing about anything really. just bs'ing about work and joking around. then we had a brief conversation this morning, again, we were just kidding around. she was busting on me about taking so long to respond. i told her dont make me come over there and beat you. she said hmmmmm, i said i would enjoy it too much, the moral police would come get me. so i dont know. i am sure i will hear from her again at some point if i do not contact her. i am almost feeling like if she contacts me, than i will respond, but if she does not than i can let it go. right? i mean that is kind of sending a message right? i know that i could very well be getting 'strung' along while she see's what happens. but at the same time i feel like maybe i would be pushing her towards the guy if i just start ignoring her flat out. and i do not want to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 If your head is messed then you cant be friends. you will keep hoping that you get back together. you wil have to get over her if you want to be friends. you cant do that until you stop talking to her. i agree. and i am hoping that we will quite honestly. if she starts dating someone than there is going to have to be some time/space between us. i dont think i want to be around to see that. i may be a lot of things but being a sidekick is out of the question. it has been what? 2 or 3 weeks now since she met this new guy. and i am still hearing from her. i cant help but wonder how she feels about him. now if i think about me being in that situation, if i met someone new and was interested in them, would i still be contacting my ex who i know wants to be with me? im not sure that i would. i would respond if they contacted me, but i would probably not still be initiating communication to them. but than again everyone is different. so we will see what happens. all i know is that i hope the outcome works in my favor. and yes i know that is selfish. we will see if i am contactred again. now that our conversation from this morning is over, it has begun again, waiting for the next time. it could be this afternoon, it would be tomorrow, it could be next week, or even next month before i hear from her again. i guess the anxiety of no contact starts all over again Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 last night i texted her back - i just said , hey, im not ignoring you. and that turned into several text messages back and forth. nothing about anything really. just bs'ing about work and joking around. then we had a brief conversation this morning, again, we were just kidding around. she was busting on me about taking so long to respond. i told her dont make me come over there and beat you. she said hmmmmm, i said i would enjoy it too much, the moral police would come get me. so i dont know. i am sure i will hear from her again at some point if i do not contact her. i am almost feeling like if she contacts me, than i will respond, but if she does not than i can let it go. right? i mean that is kind of sending a message right? i know that i could very well be getting 'strung' along while she see's what happens. but at the same time i feel like maybe i would be pushing her towards the guy if i just start ignoring her flat out. and i do not want to do that. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I wish I wouldn't have made the mistakes that I did earlier during our seperation by textin her and responding to her, I would've been further along in my healing. But I hope you know what your doing because I'd hate for someone to feel the same way I felt by always contacting her. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 last night i texted her back - i just said , hey, im not ignoring you. and that turned into several text messages back and forth. nothing about anything really. just bs'ing about work and joking around. then we had a brief conversation this morning, again, we were just kidding around. she was busting on me about taking so long to respond. i told her dont make me come over there and beat you. she said hmmmmm, i said i would enjoy it too much, the moral police would come get me. so i dont know. i am sure i will hear from her again at some point if i do not contact her. i am almost feeling like if she contacts me, than i will respond, but if she does not than i can let it go. right? i mean that is kind of sending a message right? i know that i could very well be getting 'strung' along while she see's what happens. but at the same time i feel like maybe i would be pushing her towards the guy if i just start ignoring her flat out. and i do not want to do that. True, you were doing so well. She wanted validation, you just gave it to her. Now she'll feel great knowing you "still want her" while you'll be left feeling empty when she doesn't pursue you (and she won't). Her motivation for texting you was simply to boost her self-esteem. That's it. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 it has been what? 2 or 3 weeks now since she met this new guy. and i am still hearing from her. i cant help but wonder how she feels about him. She feels great because she has him now and you waiting in the wings if things don't work out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I wish I wouldn't have made the mistakes that I did earlier during our seperation by textin her and responding to her, I would've been further along in my healing. But I hope you know what your doing because I'd hate for someone to feel the same way I felt by always contacting her. thanks cali, i always appreciate the input. i dont really know what i am doing. you want to make a statement to someone that you arent going to be their safety net, but at the same time you want to keep the door open. it seems like its a fluid situation right now. no one knows what is going to happen. just three short weeks ago we were physically together. i guess everything would change for me in the event she started to date someone else. i guess i really would have to send a clear message if that happened - please give me some time. i almost want to ask directly if she wants to go with him so maybe that could help me make a decision about which way to go. im not sure if its too soon or if that is a good idea. opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 you know what? after thinking about it a little more i have decided that it is not a good idea to ask about it - at least not at this point. i hate waiting around to know something, but this is going to take some more perserverance and patience on my own behalf. i am sure in time i will find out simply by how she acts. in the meantime i guess i can not feel guilty for living my life. maybe i will meet some new friends : ) believe me i am not sitting around with the curtains drawn in the dark eating buckets of ice cream. i did that last time. Link to post Share on other sites
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