jv032889 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Good Attitude! Don't wait for her. Go out meet new ppl, enjoy life, and continue to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ Read section 3... Yeah, I wrote that thanks cali, i always appreciate the input. i dont really know what i am doing. you want to make a statement to someone that you arent going to be their safety net, but at the same time you want to keep the door open. it seems like its a fluid situation right now. no one knows what is going to happen. just three short weeks ago we were physically together. i guess everything would change for me in the event she started to date someone else. i guess i really would have to send a clear message if that happened - please give me some time. Why would you keep the door open? As long as she knows it's open, she has no motivation to walk through. She has another guy right now. You are simply boosting her self-esteem through the roof. Remember what I told you? If someone REALLY wants to be with you, if they truly love you, they are WITH you. They're not boning someone else. Leaving the door open for her is essentially being her "chump." You are saying "I'll take whatever breadcrumbs of attention you'll throw at me because I have no love and respect for myself." Bah. That's a terrible attitude to take. i almost want to ask directly if she wants to go with him so maybe that could help me make a decision about which way to go. im not sure if its too soon or if that is a good idea. opinions? Why are you leaving the decision to her? She's ALREADY MADE IT. She's with another guy. Be a man and make a damn decision for YOURSELF. You don't need this tramp in your life. You can do better. But you won't until you BELIEVE it first. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Completely true. IDK how I would feel if after almost 3 months she came back. I truly don't. But I know what she did would weigh VERY heavily on whatever decision I would make. I, however, have no hope she will come back. And honestly, that doesn't bother me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 OK Fellas and if there's some ladies on this post you can chime on this to, I got a text from my STBXW checkin to see how I was doing..... So my question to you is should I respond by just a simple "DOING GREAT," and that's it. Or should I just not say anything, because as of now I haven't respond and right now I might not want to respond. Oh and before I forget my birthday is in a couple of days and I know she's gonna either call or text me, how should I handle this??? Opinions are much needed, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I would not respond on any of those things. If you she rings i would not answer and let it go to voice mail. If you pick it up by mistake just keep things brief, dont mention the relationship and make out you are keeping yourself busy and enjoying life. In the end, it is not going to fix things and change the situation if you respond Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 so it's 5: 48 in the morning... just got home from work and i figured i'd go ahead and clear my head--- things are different now. sometimes in life you think you have everything figured out. your career, family, significant other... and we as human beings tend to get comfortable. you go about your daily life. without thinking. thinking that one day u may find yourself alone. or without something that you've had everyday, and can almost count on will be there. we look around with a confused look... like what went wrong? that's what i find myself asking quite a bit? what went wrong? yeah we had our disagreemnets. we shared good memories. but in the midst of it all now i find myself with that confused look. i had always hoped that i wouldnt get hurt in a relationship.. i always tried to play it smart during my relationships. i guess sometimes we get blind sighted by all the things the relationship has to offer. whether u admit it or agree to it i think that you intentionally tried to hurt me when u did what u did with corey. i may be wrong. maybe you were trying to grasp my attention...? i really don't know. i even hate talking about this. as much as i hate it this is the reason why we aren't together. as much as i love and care about you.... my pride won't let me. it won't let me give u another chance. i truly believe the saying "money is the root of all evil" i fell in love with such an innocent, shy, beautiful girl... looking at you now- you're not that girl anymore. you're not innocent and shy. i always saw myself as the strong one in my family after my dad died. sometimes i fail at doing that. at times i myself am weak. i've realized that i am strongest when i am weak. when im at my lowest is when i realize that i am strong and that that particular problem that i may be facing had made me stronger. i want you to know that i don't hate you. and i never could. you've done a lot for as i have done for u. we've seen eachother at our lowest and highest points... i don't want our relationship to be just a memory but a learning experience... just know that i love you. and whatever is supposed to happen between us and life itself will happen. but at life's and God's timing. Hope this hasn't bored you. I got this email this morning and I don't know if I should respond?? She thinks I hurt her intentionally? NEVER...Pride? Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I would not respond on any of those things. If you she rings i would not answer and let it go to voice mail. If you pick it up by mistake just keep things brief, dont mention the relationship and make out you are keeping yourself busy and enjoying life. In the end, it is not going to fix things and change the situation if you respond Yeah I wasn't gonna say anything about the relationship and just keep the convo brief, but then again I don't know if I do wanna respond because I wanna keep my streak going because I'm on Day 12...... Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 Hey is it breaking NC when the other person sent u an email, and you respond a few days later with a small reply like "doing great thanks?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Yeah, I wrote that Why would you keep the door open? As long as she knows it's open, she has no motivation to walk through. She has another guy right now. You are simply boosting her self-esteem through the roof. Remember what I told you? If someone REALLY wants to be with you, if they truly love you, they are WITH you. They're not boning someone else. Leaving the door open for her is essentially being her "chump." You are saying "I'll take whatever breadcrumbs of attention you'll throw at me because I have no love and respect for myself." Bah. That's a terrible attitude to take. Why are you leaving the decision to her? She's ALREADY MADE IT. She's with another guy. Be a man and make a damn decision for YOURSELF. You don't need this tramp in your life. You can do better. But you won't until you BELIEVE it first. its been a few days since ive been on here. i always appreciate my friends on here looking out for me! in the last few days i have heard from her every single day except saturday when she was out school shopping with her daughter for cloths. now her daughter is spending a few nights at her friends. so we have plans to meet up tonight. she leaves work before me and is going to my house and waiting for me to get home. maybe that is kinda beating down my door?? not sure. we havent spoke about anything. i havent asked her about that new guy. and i am not going too. i know that with enough time she will tell me on her own. but my gut feeling tells me that it's not happening. because she would not be waiting for me to come home if she was. my gut feelings tell me nothing happened with that other guy. she seems genuinely interested in being around. you know that feeling you get when you can tell someone WANTS to be around. that is what i am feeling. and the vibs have been good. so we will seee what happens. believe me tho i am not entirely convinced of anything at this point!!!!! so my guard is up. all i hope is if the Ex WANTS to be around she will this time. and i dont want to have to worry about it again for quite awhile, if at all. i dont enjoy going back and forth. i have already proved to myself that i can meet other great women. if i get ditched again i will not hestitate to look for someone else. if it happens you will hear about it! in the meantime i think i will just enjoy things and see were they lead! i guess i dont feel that this is beyond reconciliation at this point. i think i would feel differently if she was with the other guy and then wanted to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
redy2 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 well in the last week ive had mine contact me 3 times. and seen her once. she still tell lies. lol if she is talking she is lieing. but she has lost her job for missing work from running around with some guy that didnt have a job either. lost her cell phone(not paying the bill) disappeared on the guy that she was running around with. he wound up gettin my number from her friend and callin me looking for her . by the way she didnt bother to tell him she was pregnant her best friend did. so she was out running around on him. so he kicked her to the curb. so she had to move back to her mom's which is when she started buggin me again. so now she isnt talking to her best friend. lol and yesterday i found her profile on a dating site online again. i should write soap operas. so i blocked her screenames phone numbers i know and back to nc again Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 its been a few days since ive been on here. i always appreciate my friends on here looking out for me! in the last few days i have heard from her every single day except saturday when she was out school shopping with her daughter for cloths. now her daughter is spending a few nights at her friends. so we have plans to meet up tonight. she leaves work before me and is going to my house and waiting for me to get home. maybe that is kinda beating down my door?? not sure. we havent spoke about anything. i havent asked her about that new guy. and i am not going too. i know that with enough time she will tell me on her own. but my gut feeling tells me that it's not happening. because she would not be waiting for me to come home if she was. my gut feelings tell me nothing happened with that other guy. she seems genuinely interested in being around. you know that feeling you get when you can tell someone WANTS to be around. that is what i am feeling. and the vibs have been good. so we will seee what happens. believe me tho i am not entirely convinced of anything at this point!!!!! so my guard is up. all i hope is if the Ex WANTS to be around she will this time. and i dont want to have to worry about it again for quite awhile, if at all. i dont enjoy going back and forth. i have already proved to myself that i can meet other great women. if i get ditched again i will not hestitate to look for someone else. if it happens you will hear about it! in the meantime i think i will just enjoy things and see were they lead! i guess i dont feel that this is beyond reconciliation at this point. i think i would feel differently if she was with the other guy and then wanted to see me. Too bad I didn't see this in time. My hope is that you canceled on her and continue in very LC mode and just say hi and do your thing. I have a feeling she is the kind that craves your attention, just not you... Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 its been a few days since ive been on here. i always appreciate my friends on here looking out for me! in the last few days i have heard from her every single day except saturday when she was out school shopping with her daughter for cloths. now her daughter is spending a few nights at her friends. so we have plans to meet up tonight. she leaves work before me and is going to my house and waiting for me to get home. maybe that is kinda beating down my door?? not sure. we havent spoke about anything. i havent asked her about that new guy. and i am not going too. i know that with enough time she will tell me on her own. but my gut feeling tells me that it's not happening. because she would not be waiting for me to come home if she was. my gut feelings tell me nothing happened with that other guy. she seems genuinely interested in being around. you know that feeling you get when you can tell someone WANTS to be around. that is what i am feeling. and the vibs have been good. so we will seee what happens. believe me tho i am not entirely convinced of anything at this point!!!!! so my guard is up. all i hope is if the Ex WANTS to be around she will this time. and i dont want to have to worry about it again for quite awhile, if at all. i dont enjoy going back and forth. i have already proved to myself that i can meet other great women. if i get ditched again i will not hestitate to look for someone else. if it happens you will hear about it! in the meantime i think i will just enjoy things and see were they lead! i guess i dont feel that this is beyond reconciliation at this point. i think i would feel differently if she was with the other guy and then wanted to see me. Hey bro just be prepared for anything and please don't get ur hopes up to high. I wish you nothing but the best!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Too bad I didn't see this in time. My hope is that you canceled on her and continue in very LC mode and just say hi and do your thing. I have a feeling she is the kind that craves your attention, just not you... i would like to think thats not the case obviously, but i have to be aware of all possibilities, and i thank you and everyone else on LS for bringing these things to my attention i would be more prone to think that if i only knew her a short time, because i dont think those relationships last long at all, but our off and on relationship has lasted longer than some peoples marriages. it could however just be protracted in this case. not sure yet. i have not got my hopes up too high at this point. right now there is a feeling of wanting to reach out to each other. if it becomes physical i may then feel a little more at ease. we both (so far) respect each other when it comes to that, and if either one of us is interested in someone else than the physical part stops between us. our date went well last night. we went to dinner. rode around on the bike, and then just watched some tv for awhile. nothing else happened. there were no discussions about relatioships or whats going on. it was enjoyable. we may do dinner again tonight. not sure yet. we will see. i dont know were things will go at this point, but i do know that i do not want this to go on forever like this. not knowing/ just pals, because its not fair to me, to keep me distracted from meeting someone else. i know that could be on me, but its tough when you still have the hots for someone - you want it to work out. usually from my experience tho if there is an interest things seem to move pretty quickly to something. i was not going to ask whats up with the other guy. but i am kind of thinking maybe i should. i feel like i have a right to know. i dont want to become filler material! there are a lot of other great women out there that are intersted in a great guy like me! and it wouldnt be fair to me to be plan b. the key word here is ME. that is what i am starting to feel like. im worried about ME now. and i have not felt like that before. but ion order to find out what's up i have to take the chance and see. i am willing too. but at the same time i have to arm myself with sensibility!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Hey bro just be prepared for anything and please don't get ur hopes up to high. I wish you nothing but the best!!! thanks CM!!!!!!!! thank you so much!!! Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Eventually you're going to have to ask about the other guy. If he's still around, you're wasting your time with her. If he's still in the picture, she's playing both of you. If that's the case Run Forest, Run. She has a serious character flaw. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 CM, I wouldn't reply to my STBXW. I remember your thread and what you've been through. Time to move forward, not back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Eventually you're going to have to ask about the other guy. If he's still around, you're wasting your time with her. If he's still in the picture, she's playing both of you. If that's the case Run Forest, Run. She has a serious character flaw. i agree the issue needs to be addressed at some point. i am HOPING that she will just tell me herself. i feel like its something she should be telling me. not me asking. so i am giving her the chance to tell me first. i just have to have a little patience. i dont want wishy washy answers, or i dont knows. i want to feel completely confident that i dont have to think twice about it. if it winds up that he is in the picture than i will have to do my best to try and put some space between us. i will probably be mad anyway if that's the case and will want some space myself, not because she wants it. i am hoping that doesnt happen, but i do have to think about those possibilites. i honestly dont believe she is the type of person who would do that anyway. if you knew her you would understand. but hey i have been surprised before... Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 CM, I wouldn't reply to my STBXW. I remember your thread and what you've been through. Time to move forward, not back. True, well i kinda messed up and just sent a small email "I'm good, thanks" I know she'll hit me up on my bday tomorrow...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 True, well i kinda messed up and just sent a small email "I'm good, thanks" I know she'll hit me up on my bday tomorrow...... dont be too hard on yourself over it. by the looks of things (and i know i am totally guilty of this too) lots of us seem to go back and forth. i think its ok to repsond /reply as long as oyu keep it friendly and short. and dont let on to anything about how you are feeling just like oyu are doing. come across as happy, busy, enjoying your life without them, which is were you want to be anyway. fake it till you make it. after awhile your heart will catch up to what your head already knows. and if she hits you up on your bday, same thing, keep it short and sweet if you want to reply with just a "thank you". sometimes i think if you ignore people they will think wow am i glad i ditched him he is a jerk. so i dont want to give them any reason to think that. i want to be the better person over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 i was contacted again for dinner last night. two nights in a row! so we went out again. the subject about the other guy did come up... she hinted at it (thats the way she is)... so i asked... whats up with your friend. apparently its not happening. as of last night, its been weeks since they spoke. just as my gut told me. cant say that i am upset to hear about that. but at the same time i am thinking it will be very wise to keep my guard up. i notice people have a strange habit of popping back into your lives after some time. so it will take more than a couple dinners and a few phone calls to feel confident again. and even if he does pop back into the picture i guess i am not against that as long as there is no interest other than friends. ive never been the type of person to prohibit or dictate who someone elses friends are (as long as i am confident of their intentions). i have no right to do that. she is not my property, and i dont want to create any kind of resentment down the road. i can say i do trust her when it comes to being honest about things like that, and vise versa. we both have been honest about things since day one. and i think that has helped a lot. we discussed us a little bit. i guess we will take it slow. right now we both decided that it is best to proceed under a friendship status so we are not under any false pretenses. i actually think that is a good idea at this point. we need time to feel good about everything. and the only thing that helps with that is time. it cant happen over night. just as in any relationship i believe. it took time to let those feelings grow when we first met. and i think it would actually be hurtful to just jump right into it. just go with the flo. soooo we will seeeeeeee, i dont know what is going to happen, nothing physical has happened at this time, besides some hugs. but right now it seems that someone might be knocking at my door. again, not goign to get my hopes up tremendously high at this juncture. i dont want to be negative, but it could fall apart in 2 days for all i know. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Well good luck with this. I think you're better off giving someone new a chance than giving your ex a second, third, fourth...etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 Well good luck with this. I think you're better off giving someone new a chance than giving your ex a second, third, fourth...etc. thanks cali. you know i have had the same thoughts. why not just give someone else a chance. but i seem to be a creature that likes the familiar. and i find myself sticking to something that i like. i realize that can be good and bad. but i can say she has been honest with me so far. which has been a big factor in my decisions. honesty seem to be in short supply these days. and these boards are a testiment to that. i can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that if there was some kind of cheating going on i would not be open to this. we will see what happens. like i said - not going into this blindly thinking this is it. this could last years, it could last months. i just dont know. but im just going with the flow for now. right now things feel pretty good. i am the one being contacted. she is knocking on my door... actually she just walks right in lol. and that is the way it should be i think. im not going anywhere from here tho. i plan on sticking around. all you guys are really great! you learn sooooo much on here about people. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hope all is well over there true... I've told my ex multiple times I do not want to talk to her, see her etc. She continues to call me every few days. It makes it difficult for me to move on when shes around. Today she comes to work and just walks in my office. We talked for a few mintues and she leaves... I don't understand why she does this. I made my point clear I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER. She has told me thru email that she loves me and cares about me but a mistake I made interferes with her ability to b/w me. I'm so confused... Link to post Share on other sites
Author trueblue72ny Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hope all is well over there true... I've told my ex multiple times I do not want to talk to her, see her etc. She continues to call me every few days. It makes it difficult for me to move on when shes around. Today she comes to work and just walks in my office. We talked for a few mintues and she leaves... I don't understand why she does this. I made my point clear I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER. She has told me thru email that she loves me and cares about me but a mistake I made interferes with her ability to b/w me. I'm so confused... hey jv, not fun. she says to you that she loves you and cares, comes around all the time after you have asked her not too, but than says she cant be with you. that would drive anyone crazy. she did tell you that you both need to stop pretending like you are together right? And so you have. I guess I would say that if you really are not into seeing her on the outside than you have no choice but to at least be polite at the office. Be nice. Be the bigger person. Because you cant escape working with someone. You may be making the situation worse by telling her you don’t want to talk to her. Not sure. Every situation is different. If you are just polite and respond appropriately hopefully after a little time it will start becoming less and less. She might just lose interest and find someone else after awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
jv032889 Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 I love her and of course I want to be with her. She's the one who doesn't want to be with me... I just don't see why she has to continue contacting me. She wasn't even working today and still she comes to chit chat. I'll wait and see what the future holds:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
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