mortensorchid Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 This is a story about someone I met online a few years ago. I can assure you, this is all true, despite how weird all of this sounds ... A few years ago, I met someone online. He had given me his phone number and left it open for me to call him. A few days later, I called him. He apologized to me saying that his voice was a little horse. He had spent the night in the hospital, saying that he had had an asthma attack two days before. After he assured me that he was alright to talk, he said that he was staying at his old girlfriend's house with his C-PAP machine and that she was monitoring him for at least another day to be sure that he won't have another attack. He was then quick to assure me that there was nothing going on with him and his ex girlfriend, they were just friends. I said it was none of my business what was going on with him and his old girlfriend, and I wondered why he felt he had to tell me these facts about himself within the first five minutes of our conversation. But I digress ... At some point, I said something about TV shows. Jeff Foxworthy's name came up, and he said that he hated Jeff Foxworthy. He claimed that he had stolen the "You Might Be A Redneck" routine from him. I asked how this came to be. He said that years ago he used to do comedy, was practicing his routine once, and that his routine was "You Might Be A Hillbilly If ___". He claimed Jeff Foxworthy overheard it, and changed it to Redneck. I said that story may very well be true, but I have a hard time believing that. He then got snippy with me, saying that I was welcome to call his ex wife and get the paperwork from the lawsuit he filed against him. He lost, as the material wasn't copyrighted or something, and he had no claim. I said I didn't need to call his ex wife for any reason. But wait, there's more! He said he hoped that his asthma attack did not deter me from him. I asked what he meant by that, as ashtma is not something that would cause me any worry. He then said that he would be up for neck breaking sex anytime and he has no problem in that area. I asked him "Why are you telling me this?! I don't even KNOW you!" He replied with some smart answer. I hate guys like this, incidentally, who think they are so funny when they are really being quite offensive with sex humor like this. But wait, there's STILL more! Just before I hung up on him, he said that he was also feeling rather depressed that day. I asked why. He said that he and his ex girlfriend (whose house he was staying at), had waited for many months to have sex, and when they finally did, it was aweful. They tried again a few other times, and it was not an isolated instance, they had nothing but bad sex. I was in shock, wondering why he would bring something like this up to me, a complete and utter stranger, and why he would be depressed about this. He said he would be very depressed if and when that happened to us. To US?!?! I said "What kind of a psycho are you?!" and hung up on him. Fortunately for me, he never tried calling again. People are weird. As for Jeff Foxworthy, it would make for a good fan letter to send to him. Wonder if he'd find the humor in this. Link to post Share on other sites
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