sniffles Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 I have been seeing BF for about 6 mos. Known each other since 2nd grade. He broke up with his 50 yo GF almost a year ago. There was contact w/her while we were seeing each other. The whole time he did nothing but bad-mouth her and say she was to controlling and told me how they never got along and always fought. All the time he was telling me that he loved me and that he's never loved anyone as much as he loved me. We got along perfect. He has a 16yo son that this woman wouldn't even let in her house or even call her house. When it was his WE with son, she mae him take son to his mothers for the weekend. He is living in his apt. and even let me stay until I could get moved into my house. He helped me move and stayed over every night up until last Wed. I couldn't find him and finally caught up with him and he told me he went to talk to his ex. I told him that his son and I were trying to call his cell and he said it wasn't working. Well, I checked his cell and my calls were on there. I got mad at him for lying to me. I told him he had to make a decision--her or me. And I left. Never saw or heard from him til this past Mon. I finally went to his apt. and had to know what was going on. He told me to hang in there, that we would be together and that he knew what he had to do and to just give him a week to get things straightened out. Then he told me how much he really misses me and could I please give him a kiss before I go. Last night I had to go to a friends' fathers calling hours and he was there standing outside. He said hello and that I looked nice. I told him the same. Then he told me that his ex was standing in the doorway. I was floored! this woman HATES his friends. Wouldn't letn him go to their house when they were together. So I said I see youv've made your choice. He told me he was sorry and that he didn't want to hurt me anymore. I tried to understand but can't after all the things he said to me and the way he talked about her. He said now was not the time or the place to talk and that he would talk to me this weekend. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him goo luck with her and I wish you the best. Then I told him to tell our friend I was sorry but couldn't go in there with his ex standing there. And I walked away and didn't look back. I could feel him watching me walk away. I went home and his son came over.(This boy is at my house every day after school because he can't get ahold of his father) He stays til 10pm when I leave for work I take him home. He's been into some trouble and his mother just recently died. I was there through the funeral and all the court trouble with him and his son. Where was his ex??? I was there for him and still am. Why is he interested in trying again with his ex who is 50 and if things didn't work out with them before, why give up a good thing for something you know isn't going to work?? Last night I gave his son a note to give to him telling him if this is what he wants, then lets get it over with as soon as possible. Told him to come over get his things and give me his sorry explanation and be done with me. He never showed. His son is planning on staying at my house for the weekend. Son called me and said his father is planning on coming over this weekend (sometime) to talk to me about everything. How should I react to whatever excuse he decides to give me? What should I do about his son? Hate to just cut the kid off, but his dad maybe needs to get his new/ex or whatever she is more involved. Don't you agree?? sorry this was so long.....but I'm at my wits end. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 It sounds as though you may be better off without this guy. You want someone who is sure he wants you, not someone who waffles back and forth between you and someone else. No matter what he said about her, he's back with her now so it's all moot. The boy is another story. It sounds like he badly needs someone in his corner and that you've been there for him. The ex is unlikely to take up her role in the boy's life, I fear. If this young fellow has nobody else to turn to, you could well make the difference for him in terms of how he lives the rest of his life. Obviously, you aren't obliged to have any further contact with this kid, but if you care about him and would like to help him out, I don't see why you should not. I've known some grown men who had little parental support or help - they suffer their whole lives. You could make an important difference in this boy's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sniffles Posted November 14, 2003 Author Share Posted November 14, 2003 His son has called me 4 times today to find out how I was doing. If only his father cared that much! Anyway, his son has a wrestling match tomorrow. He told me that his father is going and bringing his new/exgf. (he said she's only going because she knows I am). So my question is, should I go or just stay home and let her take over from here? I want to go, but the pain of seeing them together would be unbearable. What should I do??? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 At least the boy will have someone there. Explain to him that you'll be happy to see him but it will be a while before you can be in the same location as his dad and the gf. He sounds like a good kid - lucky you Link to post Share on other sites
Author sniffles Posted November 15, 2003 Author Share Posted November 15, 2003 His son thinks I should go anyway just to show that I'm not sitting around moping about his dad. He told me that his dad and new/exgf got into a fight yesterday and today. So, I just might go anyway to not only be there for him, but to make it clear that I'm still alive and well and carrying on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sniffles Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 Yep 6am this morning, he shows up and asks me if I want to go with him to sons wrestling match. I said I thought your new gf was going? He says they're done and would I give him another chance. I decided to listen to his side of things and he seems sincere about everything and knows that he hurt me and doesn't want it to happen again. He says he knew he made a mistake and that things between them would never change. He also said he knows that he never wants to lose me again. So I guess the space and no contact thing did work. We'll see how long this lasts. I told him if it EVER happens again...I'm better off alone. I realized that I would be just fine by myself if he did make that choice. And he knows the lies have got to stop. He knows that he really messed up. Time will tell. Wish me luck. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I hope everything works out for you ! he may have had a case of 'grass is greeneritis' which was quickly cured by a dose of reality. This happens once in a while - glad it happened to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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