Mixed Signals

[transatlanticism]

I've known her for almost 2 years. Over that time, we've had great chemistry where we have many similar interests and could hang out, talk for hours, make each other laugh and enjoy each other's company.....but it would never lead to any romantic physical contact between us.

 

There have been signs of attraction between us, especially early on when we first met....but several mixed signals have prevented me from making a move to being more than friends with her.

 

Things that she does which makes me question whether she likes me more than just a friend include:

 

-When we are sitting beside each other or in the car talking, she rarely looks directly at me while she's talking. Do women ever do that because they like someone and are too shy to look right at them?

 

-When we would say our goodbyes at the end of the night, we'll always hug. Sometimes she'll squeeze me in and hold me tighter, other times she'll hug quickly and let go. She's shy and has never shown any physical flirty signs (even if she's possibly interested) that would make me want to go for the kiss at the end of the night.

 

-I'm always the one to initiate contact and call her. She used to always pick up or phone back if she missed the call. Now, a lot of times.....she'll either let the phone ring many times before picking up or not answer. Then not return my call sometimes. Do women sometimes purposely not answer phone calls, then not return calls from people they like, just to see if the man will call them back?

 

-We haven't hung out often in person that much....where it would seem that we're too comfortable around each other to be anything more than just friends. We only saw each other about once every two months the first year, and about once a month this year....though not from a lack of trying on my part to see her more often. What's weird is that she always seems to have a great time with me and even tell me that at the end of the night, yet there's little continuity in being able to follow up and schedule something with her for the following week to build on the chemistry....rather it happens again one or two months later down the road that I see her again. I'm guessing that when a woman is interested, she'd definitely try to see the person more often than once every month or two despite her super busy schedule?

 

-She doesn't hang out with any other guy friends one on one besides me. Once she said to me something that sounded like "my boyfriend's dad's car...." and when I immediately asked if she said "her boyfriend's dad's car..." she didn't say anything. I later found out it was just her friend's dad's car... Do women ever lie and mention about having a boyfriend just to see if it makes the person they like jealous?

 

-I've tried to spend time with her this summer, but she seems busy all the time and doesn't try to reschedule. Even when I mention she can let me know when she's available and we'll go enjoy the summer, she'll sidestep the question. You'd think even if we're just friends, she would at least want to see me in person rather than just talking on the phone or having conversations through online messages.

 

I can pretty much see where this seems to be heading, which is nowhere.....but just wanted to hear some feedback and advice from people who have been in the same frustrating situation.

 

Thanks!

[banser123]

Its hard to say. Do you live far away from each other?

I guess the best thing to do is just ask her if she would like to go out on a date with you. Take her to dinner. Dont get your hopes high just ask her and see what she says. This way there is no more guessing.

[Charles1978]

The only sign I can see that she might want more is the innability to make eye contact, and/or acting nervous around you. Normally, I would see this as a bad sign. But from my situation... my current g/f is a girl who I was frustrated about and friends with for a year... she used to do the same thing. She now admits that she used to be very nervous around me because she liked me and always had a crush on me. So, you never know. However, she and I were always together... many times per week, and we spent alone time together, even on weekend trips.

 

The red flag here is her behavior... her flaky behavior. Not calling you back, sidestepping questions and plans, not spending much time with you, etc. My guess is that she is a dead end for you. But you won't know until you push the issue. I sure did, and I'm glad I did. Good luck!

[gregp]

-When we would say our goodbyes at the end of the night, we'll always hug. Sometimes she'll squeeze me in and hold me tighter, other times she'll hug quickly and let go. She's shy and has never shown any physical flirty signs (even if she's possibly interested) that would make me want to go for the kiss at the end of the night.

 

my crush does that, and im in the epi-center of the friend zone. Beware.

[Thaddeus]

I can pretty much see where this seems to be heading, which is nowhere...

Yea, that pretty much sums it up, I'm afraid. You're friend-zoned. Sorry, dude, but there's no escape.

[Charles1978]

The friend zone can be escaped. I escaped with two things working in my favor... 1) Her friend telling her she was an idiot for not dating me, and 2) I started dating an extremely attractive girl. That's all I have to say about that.

 

BTW Thaddeus, I just read your Myths, and that is a really good list. Above is the only one I disagreed with. However, 90% of the time, it probably is inescapable.

[gregp]

Hope dies last. But if you still don't succeed after re-inventing yourself and doing charles point number 2 the chances are probably slim