Haven't used condoms in 6 mths...now he brings 2 over and doesn't tell me he has em

[imjustagirl]

My s/o and I decided to give it one more try a few days ago.

 

Last night, he came over to watch a movie. During the movie, there was the normal cuddeling and such...

 

When he was ready to leave, he put his coat on (like normal) and I gave him a hug. In doing so, I felt something in his pocket. I asked him what it was and he goes..."ooh just the cell phone and condoms."

 

I looked at him and went "condoms" and he goes...yeah, just in case, you know.

 

Now, let me point out here, that we haven't used condoms since month 3 and we will "technically" be together 10 months at the end of the month.

 

So I ask why all the sudden the need for condoms and he mentioned the "scare" we had a couple weeks ago.

 

Yes, I was late, only because we had broken up and I got stressed. This always screws with my cycle, even tho I'm on the pill.

 

So anyways, I reach into his pocket, thinking I'd find the entire box of condoms...nope...just 2...already ready to go...they had been torn apart.

 

So now I'm wondering...is he really being sincere with the whole condom thing...or is he screwing around. There was no mention of us using condoms for awhile due to the "Scare"...we've had "scares" before, before I was on the pill, when we were using condoms...and those times where...well, nothing was used.

 

Anybody have any thoughts on what I should do?

 

thanks!

~Justa~

[LadyX]

I don't know what he's up to, but from now on I would use condoms with him....just in case. Look for other signs of cheating.

[Travelin gal]

It seems like a good sign that he admitted they were in his pocket. If he'd have just said it was his phone, and you reached in and found two loose condoms, that would be more worrisome.

 

Having said that, I once ignored a similar warning sign (more obvious -- one night there suddenly *weren't* any more condoms -- huh? where'd they all go? Oh well, nevermind, I probably just imagined that there were four left last week.) And only learned the truth months later when he gave me his computer, without deleting any emails from some other girl from his inbox, duh!!!!

 

Never ignore warning signs.

 

Unfortunately, you missed a great opportunity to speak to him right then and there and say, "it's so nice that you were thoughtful and bought condoms, but why are there only two? Don't they usually come in a box?

It would have been good to judge his reaction.

 

You mentioned you broke up for a while a few weeks ago. Sounds to me like he got some action -- any chance of that?

[Leikela]

Hmmm... My question is, if he had them in his pocket, why didn't he initiate sex with you that night?? If he hadn't planned to use them then why would he have them in the first place?

 

I think this is definitely a warning sign and you need to take heed to it. Just look for other signs that he might be seeing other girls. Also, have you tried asking him face to face? Ask him if sleeping with other girls is something he wants while he's taking his "space". Then ask him if you sleeping with other guys would be an option for you too (even if you don't plan on doing so) and he see how he reacts.

 

You definitely need to get to the bottom of this... It seems kinda fishy...

[imjustagirl]

He tried the other night, but I had told him that my cycle had started...so he assumed that last night it would still be going. Which it was, just lightly.

 

I don't know, the whole thing seems odd. But the affection towards me is the way it always been.

 

I'm going to talk to him about it, but I'm just not sure what to say...how to bring it up...

 

I mean, when we were using condoms, the entire supply was brought over...not just 1 or two.

[Leikela]

I don't get why he'd even have them in his pocket then if he knew you had your period. Also, you think he would have mentioned them before he tried to initiate sex with you the other night? It could very well be lack of communication on his part.

 

How to bring it up? Just mention that you still feel a little weird about the whole condom thing and that you just need to be reassured that they were intended for you. Then tell him WHY you feel weird about it so he doesn't think that you're trying to make it more then it really is. If he gets defensive or upset, then there's probably more to it then he's letting on.

[imjustagirl]

I think you're right...thanks for the advice.

 

I do think they were intended for me...but communication does seem to lack on his part when it comes to those sort of things.

 

I'm more than likely jumping to conclusions..I tend to do that.

 

I will ask him tho.

 

Thanks again, you made me feel so much better about the situation as a whole!

 

~justa~

[imjustagirl]

You mentioned you broke up for a while a few weeks ago. Sounds to me like he got some action -- any chance of that?

 

Yeah...he got some...twice...from me...which is why we decided to try the whole dating scene again.

[IOnceWasHis]

First of all, does he think you would want to use condoms that have been freely floating in his jacket pocket since whenever, unwrapped? Second of all, why would you go ahead and unwrap them, not knowing whether they were going to get used, and then take the risk of having another 'scare' from damage?

 

Do you think he used them prior to coming to your house?? Honestly, if you're not using condoms, you should be. My ex and I (not the one posted about on this board) were together for longer than 10 months, talked about children and marriage, and eventually, he cheated and gave me HPV (which is the #1 cause of cervical cancer). It's a virus I can never get rid of, and whomever I end up with, is going to have to live with it and take the risk of having it also. And, ALL of it could've probably been avoided, had I just been smart about it. Don't trust him completely, if he's acting this funny. I guess on the flipside, if he is cheating, at least he's being responsible and using condoms.

 

Good luck to you!

L

[LadyX]

I don't think she meant they were unwrapped from the wrappers....only that the wrappers were separated.

[imjustagirl]

True, only the wrappers were seperated. I seriously doubt he'd put a used condom in his jacket...for one it's gross, 2 he's a clean freak.

 

He's coming over later today for our "date." I plan on asking him about them whole condom situation then.

 

I'm not 100% positive he's not cheating on me...as of today, the only inclination I've got is him bringing over 2 condoms for "our" use, instead of the entire box. I would love to "count" what's left in the container, but they're not at my place, and I really don't want to go snooping through his belongings at his place as it's well...1) snooping (I really want to trust him) and 2 ) he lives in a stuidio apt where everything is well...out in the open for everyone to see...ie, a beaded curtain seperates the living room from his room.

 

And, I can soo see his concern for not wanting children at our age (23 and almost 25)...but what he doesn't know, and will soon know, is that our "scare" is still here. I went to the doc yesterday late afternoon and had 1 positive and 1 negative urine pregnancy test done. To rule out a false positive, the doctor drew some blood. But because they don't have a lab onsite...it would be sent out. So I won't know officially until sometime monday.

 

I hope as I've mentioned before I'm just overreacting...as the main reason he split up with me in the first place was because everyone was bugging him about marrying me, and without asking if that's what I wanted, today, he freaked out and well, decided that we'd just be friends. But after less than a week, he decided that he loved me dearly and missed me and that we'd give it another try...this time slower.

 

*cross fingers things work out okay*

 

~justa~

[Leikela]

I hope everything works out for you Justa! Good luck with the pregnancy test. If I remember correctly, weren't you on the pill?

[imjustagirl]

Totally on the pill, but having some weird breakthrough bleeding. But...because we "love" each other and were planning on spending the rest of our lives together...we didn't use a backup (probably should of, but didn't). And as of right now...the doc's office hasn't called and I called them and they don't have the results in yet (eek).

 

As for our weekend date...talked to him really quick about the whole condom situation. He acted really calmly and said it was because he wasn't ready to be a "dad" yet. I asked him about screwing around...he looked me straight in the eye and said that I was the only girl for him, and will be nobody else. Usually when he's got something going on in his life and he doesn't want to share, he has this twitch in his eye when he's trying to keep something from me....nothing when I talked to him, just my straight up boy that I've known for almost 10 mths.

 

He stayed over for a little over an hour then left to go to his co-workers wedding reception. I wasn't invited, which is okay, weddings and the two of us...we're taking things slow this time.

 

Well, he said he'd be there for an hour or so and come right back over so we could go get supper....he never showed. I drove by the reception every 30 minutes until it ended at 11:30...(just curious as to if he was actually there...stalking, nah, untrusting, mhmmm) and he was there the entire time. Turns out he got severely drunk.

 

I called his sorry butt up at 8:30 on Sunday morning (evil, I know) and asked him if he was planning on coming over (as he said he would Saturday...to help clean the fish tank on Sunday).

 

I made no mention of him not coming over as I wanted his explanation, and the first words out of his mouth are "babe, I'm sorry I didn't come back over last night, I got stinkin drunk and I even drove by (which I noticed his car around midnight) but decided not to stop as you don't like it when I drink a lot." So I replied, "ooh I figured that's what happened." Not mentioning I drove by several times to make sure he was there.

 

He came over a little before lunch, we went out to eat, got a couple more fish for the tank, cleaned the fish tank, watched tv/cuddled, and just talked about what was going on with each other. He continued to apologize throughout the day, I could tell it was really bothering him. I was kinda cold to him/not really cold/cold, but enough for him to know that he definitely hurt my feelings...being stood up after starting going back out for a couple weeks...not a good feeling.

 

Things appear to be "okay"...I just wish I could trust him more. I've been cheated on before, which probably explains my reaction to overreact to his behavior..but it was weird for awhile, turning out to what he says...a major freakout about marriage.

 

I just wish I didn't have to check my voicemail every 5 minutes to be sure the doc hasn't called.

 

I'll keep you guys posted.

 

~justa~