Ex Done a complete 180...what does this mean?

[James198]

Hello

 

I'm totally lost right now and looking for some direction.

 

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. I left the country on vacation about 3 weeks ago, but the whole week before I left everything was great. We talked about getting back together, spent great time together, sleep overs, family visits, everything was perfect. The whole week though she kept telling me she needed to take the time while I was away to decide if she wanted to get back into a relationship with me. Fair enough...but as soon as I left the country she turned "cold". Very minimal responses to email, no more "I love u's", etc. I know she wants to use this time to evaluate our relationship, but it almost seems like she did a 180 on me. Its been 4 days without contact.

I don't want to scare her away or bother her, but at the same time it feels like she is forgetting about me or ignoring me. Is this the case? Can someone really go from loving me so much one week, to 3 weeks later nothing? I return in a week, should I wait till I get back to do anything or write he a brief email saying hi?.....ahhhh why is this so hard?

[boogieboy]

Hate to tell you this, but all of the talk about getting back together, great time spent together, sleep overs, family visits, everything perfect, she was just paying you lip service so she didnt have to tell you to your face that she didnt want to get back together. Its awful and cowardly, but thats why she went cold when you left. She couldnt handle the guilt. I hate it when people do that.

[James198]

Thanks for the reply, I thought of that and I don't think it's the case. We were insanely close the last week before I left. More so than any time in the past year of our relationship. Even the first week I was overseas she was texting me telling me how much she misses me, loves me, etc. So I'm not afraid that she was just saying that so she didn't feel guilty.

What I am afraid of is that this whole No Contact thing could backfire and she will forget the great week or two around when I left and I when I get back I will be starting at square one...if she'll have me. Should I write her an easy friendly email just saying "hi, hope all is well" or should I stay NC?

Thanks

[DustySaltus]

Stay NC. There is no greater power for you then having her be alone with her thoughts. She has not forgot about you and the great times that you have had together. As boogiebot said she didn't want to say things to your face, so now she gets a taste of her own medicine.

[EmptyPromises]

are u still out of the country?

 

she said she needed to think. let her think. 4 days is not very long.

[EmptyPromises]

Stay NC. There is no greater power for you then having her be alone with her thoughts. She has not forgot about you and the great times that you have had together. As boogiebot said she didn't want to say things to your face, so now she gets a taste of her own medicine.

 

 

i COMPLETELY agree. if you contact her and bother her, shes not going to miss you. my ex missed me when i finally left him alone. it took 3 weeks of no contact, but i let him miss me. and you have to do the same. stop seeming so available. if you dont contact her shes going to wonder what your doing, etc.

[James198]

Thanks guys

 

Yes I'm out of the country for another week. I hear what you are saying about the NC but at the same time I just feel like she's going to move on with her life without me. I just feel like it's a dangerous "game" if you will.

4 days seems like eternity for me but from what I'm hearing on here it's definitely the right "play" right now.

 

What about when I get back? Should I continue to have NC and not even let her know I'm back?

[adamt]

Yes I'm out of the country for another week. I hear what you are saying about the NC but at the same time I just feel like she's going to move on with her life without me. I just feel like it's a dangerous "game" if you will.

4 days seems like eternity for me but from what I'm hearing on here it's definitely the right "play" right now.

 

Well if she moves on then she is not meant to be with you. If she can be without you then that means it wont work out. Let her come back of her own back. You won't be able to haslsle and persuade her to come back. Putting pressure on here will do more damage.

[boogieboy]

Thanks guys

 

Yes I'm out of the country for another week. I hear what you are saying about the NC but at the same time I just feel like she's going to move on with her life without me. I just feel like it's a dangerous "game" if you will.

4 days seems like eternity for me but from what I'm hearing on here it's definitely the right "play" right now.

 

What about when I get back? Should I continue to have NC and not even let her know I'm back?

 

Dont contact her until she contacts you, and you have to make it known to her that you want to make it work. If she doesnt, you cant talk to her.

 

She wont forget about you, but now is the time to leave her be so she can figure out what she wants. If what she wants is to not be with you, keeping in touch with her will only push her further away. read all the stories on this board, and you will realize what we mean.

[EmptyPromises]

yup listen to those last two posts. shell contact you eventually if you guys are meant to be. im guessing you already told her when you are coming back before you left. theres no need to tell her again.

 

dont be so easy, people like a little bit of a challenge.

[silic0ntoad]

yup listen to those last two posts. shell contact you eventually if you guys are meant to be. im guessing you already told her when you are coming back before you left. theres no need to tell her again.

 

dont be so easy, people like a little bit of a challenge.

 

 

Yeah, that's excellent advice. People do like a challenge. DON'T CALL HER when you get back. Play it off totally cool, and see what happens. If she doesn't call, NC will already be started and you'll be on the path to find someone far better.

[hoping2heal]

Thanks for the reply, I thought of that and I don't think it's the case. We were insanely close the last week before I left.

 

You were insanely close in the moment perhaps. That is different from being close altogether, of which you obviously were not. see : her actions towards you now.

 

 

More so than any time in the past year of our relationship. Even the first week I was overseas she was texting me telling me how much she misses me, loves me, etc.

 

 

Well, she hasn't acted very loving. It doesn't do you any good to have a text inbox full of "I love you's" when her actions are contradictory to that. Which means, she was lying.

 

So I'm not afraid that she was just saying that so she didn't feel guilty.

 

Maybe, Maybe not on her motive. Either way, her actions are her real truth. Our actions are the only thing that are anyone's truth.

 

 

What I am afraid of is that this whole No Contact thing could backfire and she will forget the great week or two around when I left and I when I get back I will be starting at square one

 

Why do people always say this or a variation of it? "I'm scared that he/she will forget all about me and move on if we go NC" ? If someone wanted you in their life that badly, they wouldn't forget. Afterall, look at the people gone NC for several months; have they forgot about the person? No. It isn't ever a matter of forgetting, the person just doesn't want to be with them anymore, it's that simple.

 

 

 

 

...if she'll have me. Should I write her an easy friendly email just saying "hi, hope all is well" or should I stay NC?

Thanks

 

I don't know how to really answer this. She's acting like she doesn't give a rats ass about you right now. Now, either this is how she really feels, or maybe she is playing a game. I guess if anything? I would write her and say "Look, before I left we bonded and you made me believe we were on the path to reconciling, now you have pulled away and gone cold on me. Do you still want to reconcile and you're playing a game? Or do you not want to reconcile at all? Because I'm not going to stand for games and BS if that's what you're trying to do. On the other hand I need to move on with my life if you don't want to get back together."

 

There, something along those lines. It will call her out on her actions and you'll get some answers.

[James198]

Thanks guys.

I really appreciate all your help. It's so hard dealing with this SH%t. Especially being 10000 miles away from her. But you are all right when you say it's best to not contact her, if it's meant to be she will come back to me.

I guess I wish I could just nudge her in the right direction.

 

And to be honest, I do feel like this is kind of a game for her. I think she feels like I had the upper hand during our 2 year relationship and maybe she wants to "be in charge" this time. Then again thats probly not the type of person I want to be in a relationship with.

[hoping2heal]

Thanks guys.

I really appreciate all your help. It's so hard dealing with this SH%t. Especially being 10000 miles away from her. But you are all right when you say it's best to not contact her, if it's meant to be she will come back to me.

I guess I wish I could just nudge her in the right direction.

 

And to be honest, I do feel like this is kind of a game for her. I think she feels like I had the upper hand during our 2 year relationship and maybe she wants to "be in charge" this time. Then again thats probly not the type of person I want to be in a relationship with.

 

No probably not, but then again if you call her on it and that IS what she's doing, she won't be able to do it anymore and you will get some answers as to what's really going on. You will at least know for sanity's sake and then you can decide to move on, or wether or not you think she is capable of stopping the games and just being honest.