sinking Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Hi Everyone! I wrote about my situation regarding my husband and leaving or staying. The poignant answer I received has me convinced that I am doing the right thing (finally for me) by leaving. So now the question is how? How does one leave. To note, this person plays mind games and each time discussions are held on the phone, he has a way of pushing back in quilt, or making me just feel stupid as to why and how I feel. Right now, I hold the card with a check that "he needs" to pay the bills. I plan to pay whatever is needed and simply(finally) hold onto the rest. The fear is his possible vindictiveness (closing the bank account, shutting off the credit card, or whatever else one does when he/she is upset). I don't want to deal with the anguish. I just want to take a trip, get my stuff, and head out the door. I do not want a confrontation, to play mind games, or simply get backed into a corner again. He is expecting me home for the thanksgiving holidays and wants book the flight now What am I liable for in this situation? I can't believe I am referring to my husband. How ironic! Help! Link to post Share on other sites
ArdeaCandidissima Posted November 14, 2003 Share Posted November 14, 2003 Hello sinking - Want some more advice? Here goes: 1) I hope you are putting Loveshack advice in the proper perspective and using it as material to work over in your own head. You are living your life, and you are the ONLY person who truly knows what is right for you. (You have to live with the results.) 2) he has a way of pushing back in guilt, or making me just feel stupid as to why and how I feel. Ah. OK, I am starting to understand. It appears you do not trust your own judgment fully, so you let your husband tell you how you should feel. There may not be a quick fix, but try repeating out loud, "I know best how I feel." "I decide how I SHOULD feel." "I am the world expert on MY feelings." "No one is going to tell me how TO feel, or how I DO feel." 3) Don't mention anything about a breakup, but go and see a divorce lawyer ASAP. The lawyer will advise you on how to protect your interests while you two disentangle. It is especially important to take immediate action to prevent him from cleaning out joint accounts or running up huge bills you will have to pay. 4) I'm sure you will be ethical and honest, but that DOESN'T mean telling him everything on your mind or in your plans. If you have decided to divorce, your interests are now divergent, and you need to look out for yourself. 5) If you have any fear that he will become violent, or even if you just need support, activate your support network - close and trustworthy relatives and friends, as well as a battered women's shelter. If you're determined to get free of him, having someone there with you (brother, best friend, mother, whoever) may make it easier. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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