Should I get married?

[acretinmelon]

I'm new and it looks like there are tons of questions like this already, but I was just hoping to get some perspective.

 

I'm only 18 (19 in a few weeks). My boyfriend is 22. He graduated college last year and was planning on going to law school at NYU, but changed his mind at the last minute (literally--he had already sent his deposit) and joined the army. He wanted to serve his country, do his duty, blah blah blah.

 

Ever since then he's been talking about marriage nonstop. I haven't given him a straight answer one way or another. My first reaction was "whoa, I'm way too young", but upon reflection he presents a very good case. We love each other very much and to be honest I have trouble imagining any impediments to marriage.

 

Also, what is the point in waiting? If you meet someone whom you can be happy with for the rest of your life, why drag out the whole dating process just because you're young? I am SURE there is some kind of flaw to this reasoning but I need someone to point it out to me.

 

I know that on some level he just needs a sense of security. There's a good chance he'll get a one year deployment during which time we won't see each other at all--if there's a ring on my finger he'll know I'll still be here, for sure.

 

I don't know. What am I missing? Why am I supposed to wait? What questions am I not asking? HELP! Thanks.

[Thinkalot]

Your reasoning sounds fair to me.

 

However other things to think about are: the possibility you will grow and change into different people. You are both young and probably still finding your real selves etc. If you wait before you actually get married, you will have a chance to be really sure it is the right thing for you both and that you will last the long haul together.

 

I belive taking the time to grow as individuals, live with other flatmates, explore new things, jobs, places etc is important and all helps shape the person you are. I usually believe in the idea of living for a while longer before you commit to marriage, because you are only young, and you will change as you grow. There is no need to rush into anything, even though a ring on the finger may be a nice sign of security.

 

Of course, that is just my view. You know yourself and may feel you are ready for this big step. It isn't something I could have imagined at your age, but we are all different people, and maybe I just hadn't met the right guy (I have now :-) ).

 

But if you aren't 100% sure, just take your time with this decision, and wait until you are 100% sure. And communicate and talk about everything openly. Make sure you discuss your ideas about life, values, family, career, money etc and that you both think a similar way on these important issues.

 

Hope that helps a little.

[saprina]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I am 27 and have had two kids and I am still learning about myself. I have changed so dramatically in the last 9 years that I am practically a different person. Even if you are in love and know this is the one, what will it hurt to wait? If it is meant to be, won't the chance to marry still be there in a few years?