A wife and her "special' friend.

[Angela Baron]

Hello ,

 

This may be a first for you, so here it is. I'm married to a very wonderful man, for someone else. He is kind andg gentle and very nice. smasrt too. I care for him deeply, however, I'm not in love with him the way that a wife should be. We've been married for seven

years and it has become painfully obvious that we are not soul mates. Because we have a two-year-old daughter, I have been trying to convince myself to stay put and not break up my family. The problem is this; I'm totally and completely head over heels in love with someone else. I think about this person all the time and I have thoughts of a loving physical relationship as well as a possible life together.

 

 

I'm in love with another woman, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I love her so much! Last year I told her that I was having some feelings for her that I was confused about, and that I thought I might be falling in

love with her.

 

 

She told me to be true to my feelings. She has continued to be my friend and she treats me as if we're the best of friends. I don't want to loose her friendship, I just can't stop thinking about kissing her and wishing that she would give me a sign to let me know that I'm not feeling these feelings alone. I love her ! What should I do? Should I make a move and see how she responds or should I continue hiding my true feelings?

 

Thanks for listening.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

You pose your dilemma as:

Should I make a move and see how she responds

or

should I continue hiding my true feelings?

Are you sure what your true feelings are? They include the strong attraction to this woman that you mention, and they also probably include love for your daughter and husband, and attachment to the comfortable life you have together, and commitment to your marriage.

 

What are you imagining? A physical relationship with this woman that would be long lasting? With or without your husband's knowledge? An experiment? Possibly leaving your husband? Would you and she have expectations of how long this would last, and what your commitment level would be? If you knew it would result in a breakup of your friendship or marriage, would that change your feelings?

 

The one point I see in your favor is that a fair number of men will actually accept their wives having very close emotional and physical relationships with other women - just not with other men.

 

I wouldn't worship at the altar of "true feelings". Feelings matter, but if yours are anything like mine, they change so fast that there'd be no keeping up.

[Fairy King.]

lady....if you wanna lose ur hubby and kid and be lesbo....dats fine. just think for a minute.....actions result in reactions. Your getting a lesbo lover = cheating on great husband. you humping women = letting go of your straight

life, family, friend, ect. In most cases, ppl arent so understanding. whatever.....be happy......just dont hurt ppl.

 

- S. S. Stillman ---------- Queen of the Fairies.

[lipglossboost]

I guess the first question I would ask is the order of things ... did you stop having these feelings for your husband before or after you started having them for someone else? That will give you better insight into your true feelings.

 

It is too often too easy for people to fall for someone else, and in the intensity of those feelings, lose sight of the comforts of home. Sure, the new feelings are exciting and enticing, but are they only that? Are they worth leaving your marriage?

 

Many people will try to pull you into the whole straight vs. gay trap. Don't fall into it. Love, attraction, sex and lust are just that, no matter what the sex of the persons involved. The fact that this person happens to be a woman has no real bearing on the situation, as it sounds as if you want more than just to experiment. You want a life with someone else.

 

The best advice I can give is to think very carefully, sort out your true feelings, (all of your true feelings,) and act accordingly, but honorably. If you decide you no longer love your husband, don't cheat on him, leave him. If you decide to stay with him, refrain from starting a relationship with anyone else, sexual or otherwise. And don't stay only to keep your family together. It won't last if that is the only reason, and you will only prolong your pain and the pain of your child together.

 

Good luck.

[The Lost.]

You're mostly straight but slightly bi.

 

I believe that if we weren't all warped by religion and childhood indoctrination, most people would be like you.

I think you have some choices to make. What is most important to you ? Family life or what may turn out to be a tryst ? You sound like a curious college girl. You're not. You are a married woman with responsibilities. You are also a person with needs.