Two 1/2 years later and I still Miss her!!! Is this normal?

[Mr_Knox]

About 2 1/2 years ago I broke up with my Fiance' and girlfriend of almost 4 years. There was no one defining reason why I broke up with her tough.. I was just tired of fighting all the time and I was emotionally exhausted. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life married to someone who I was constantly in battle with. So I decided that if I wasn't going to marry her then I shouldn't string her along. So I did it. I regreted it from the day we broke up to the day she left and still do to this day. I have thought about her every day since then. She will not come back and has moved on and I have accepted that. But that doesn't make my feelings for her go away. Thoughts of her get me really down and I can't even stand to talk to her much less be around her. It's too hard for me. I want her back but I cant be around her because it hurts but the feelings of her are still there which hurt as well.

By the way... I have not had another gf since. I have dated a few people but nothing seems to go anywhere. I think it has something to do with these repressed emotions for her manifesting into some undesireable personality traits. But I don't know what they might be. I do know I'm still feeling a broken heart and I still love her. What can I do?

[Zankon]

Do you know where she is? Is she engaged? I think it's kinda weird that you still think about her. Maybe you didn't fight the feelings well since day one that's why they dragged like this.

 

I think the only solution you have is to open up and give more girls a chance and stop your obsession. Remember, if she was perfect it's only because you made her look perfect. It's only in your eyes otherwise everybody else will jump on her.

[genie]

I have a friend that feels she is very much in love with her ex from 2 plus years ago. I have done research, do to problems that have came into my life and I sometimes reflect back to her during this research. I would suggest to you to do some research on Commitment Phobia. From what I hear, I think you may have that problem. For what ever reason you have it, just look into or no relationship will work in the future either. I also have another friend that went years of mourning his ex wife, because he cheated on her. He is now very happily married to a beautiful lady and they are very in love. I asked him what changed him and he said that he woke up one day and realized that if he didn't quit pawning away at the misery of what he did to himself and realize that he is a good person, then he knew he'd be single for the rest of his life. Regardless of his past, he is a great person and I am very envious of his relationship he has now. Forgive yourself.

[Mr_Knox]

In Respone to Zankon... I did fight the feelings from day one. This was something I thought about for a LONG time before I did it and even then, I didn't want to do it. I just rationalized with myself that "this is what has to be done" in order to end all the strife. So, I did it. I know she's not perfect and I vividly remember all the things that aggrivated me so much about her. And everyone else did jump on her. Allthough she is having the same issues with her current boyfriend as she had with me. I see striking similarities.

Genie... I don't think I have a fear of commitment. I've been married once before and I was going to marry her and I still want to get married eventually. I have one child by my first wife and I want more children. Commitment is not an issue. But... I think you hit it on the head when you mention forgiveness. I carry a tremendous ammout of guilt about our relationship. I feel like I let her down, like I could have done more, tried harder. Basically, like I gave up. Gave up on her. How can I forgive myself if she cannot forgive me?

[Butterfly1]

I understand your guilt but I don't understand why you miss someone who you constantly fought with? I look at my friends who are happily married and fighting happens once in awhile but not often. Ussually it signifies incompatabilities. Perhaps you did the right thing when you broke up with her. You were with her for a while - strong feelings and connections are bound to happen....but that doesn't mean that she was the right person for you. Maybe you are afraid to see what else is out there because you don't want to get that hurt again. Even though you broke up with her it does not mean that you dont have to mourn that loss yourself. I truely believe that when you meet the right person and the timing is right it, it will work out and fighting will not be a characteristic of the relationship. Honestly I would stop focusing on the past, take her off the pedastal you have put her on, and look for someone else....give someone else a chance. No relationship will last long unless you take the chance and realize that connections and emotions happen over time. I am not saying you are a commitment phobe but something is holding you back from moving on.

[genie]

Commitmentphobic (CP) doesn't always mean that you are afraid to commit to a relationship, it can mean that once you're in one, you start looking for the wrong and not towards the good. Kind of like when you said, "I feel like I let her down, like I could have done more, tried harder. Basically, like I gave up. Gave up on her." To a CP, the giving up is the easy way out. I feel I know, because I am a victim of a CP. A CP can be married once to a very long term marriage, or can mean being married several times. Search the web for Commitment Phobia and just look. It won't hurt. It sounds like she has moved on, you mentioned a boyfriend, you really need to forgive yourself, realize that you are a good person and you are worthy of having a good person in your life, you're wasting alot of time being mad at yourself. What has happened with yourself and her are in the past and carry the lessons with you to the future as a positive. Take a look at all the good that came out of the relationship, take a look at what a good boyfriend you can be and take step one and try to find someone to fall in like with first and then move slowly from there. There are really alot of nice girls out there, give them a chance. Treasure what you had, and make it valuable for your future. But first get yourself straight with yourself.