Time to let go! Thoughts?

[dk_in_mn]

I really don't wanna talk to my friends about all this! I'm always the confident/funny guy they come to for advise, in a way I feel weird even writing this.

 

I took a friend out a few times who i was really attracted to, we hit it off great in the begininning. We always had a great time together, even went to see a concert and had a blast.

 

I live an hour away but am moving to the same small town that she lives in right now. I used to live there for years and have been planning to move back for sometime now. I am making a career change and gonna be working on wind turbines. Not to mention, I miss the small town life.

 

I was always hoping for more in the back of my mind, wanting to be more than just friends. I see now that it's not a possibility since she is going out on a date tomorrow night with a new guy she met when she was out the other night. Honestly, I have no idea where I went wrong, in a way I am still trying to piece it all together that way I don't make the same mistake twice. Who knows, maybe I didn't make my move fast enough and got slammed into the friend zone.

 

I think I might have been too nice to a point though. What I mean by that is, she is short on $ and trying to make ends meet. I bought her her drinks when we would go out, paid for the hotel and concert tickets; etc. Somewhere along the way she lost interest.

 

Just at a loss what to do right now. I don't wanna seem like a jerk and just cut the woman out of my life, but at the same time i think it might be the right thing to do, at least for now. Sure it stings a bit that she is going out with someone else. I guess in the end I want what is best for her because deep down she is a great woman. It's gonna be tricky tho either way. We are talking a town of 3,000 people, we will at some point cross paths.

 

Any helpful ideas?

 

Thanx,

 

DK

[WTRanger]

I see now that it's not a possibility since she is going out on a date tomorrow night with a new guy she met when she was out the other night.

 

Don't count yourself out just yet. Many people serial date until they meet someone they are ready to become exclusive with. In fact, I'd say most people date more than one person at a time when they are not exclusive with someone. She could just be meeting new people, keeping her options open. It's normal behavior. Just because the two of you went to a concert together, it doesn't mean you are exclusive.

 

But if this isn't the case, then instead of just backing down like a puppy dog be a man with feelings about it. Ask her to define the two of you. Have you even tried to talk to her about it? Have you ever tried to kiss her?

 

How does she act around you? Sometimes, at least the somewhat more mature females, will be strict on going dutch to any "date" so it's not a real date if she pays her half. If it's dutch, then you are pretty much going out as friends, at that point. Sometimes things can be reversed, but don't put too much hope into it. It doesn't mean to give up, but you really should let her know your intentions. It can't hurt can it? It's better than a base case of the "what-if's?"

[dk_in_mn]

Don't count yourself out just yet. Many people serial date until they meet someone they are ready to become exclusive with. In fact, I'd say most people date more than one person at a time when they are not exclusive with someone. She could just be meeting new people, keeping her options open. It's normal behavior. Just because the two of you went to a concert together, it doesn't mean you are exclusive.

 

But if this isn't the case, then instead of just backing down like a puppy dog be a man with feelings about it. Ask her to define the two of you. Have you even tried to talk to her about it? Have you ever tried to kiss her?

 

How does she act around you? Sometimes, at least the somewhat more mature females, will be strict on going dutch to any "date" so it's not a real date if she pays her half. If it's dutch, then you are pretty much going out as friends, at that point. Sometimes things can be reversed, but don't put too much hope into it. It doesn't mean to give up, but you really should let her know your intentions. It can't hurt can it? It's better than a base case of the "what-if's?"

 

No, I am fully aware that there is nothing exclusive between us just because of the concert or even going out a few times. I think she knows I am attracted to her, she is just a tough one to read and figure out.

 

Before the concert I had asked her "let's make a date out of it" when we go down. Now both times she said "maybe". In my eyes, "maybe" usually is a polite way of saying no. I could be wrong but who knows. See, all of this kinda threw me off. We went out the first time and had alot of fun together, stayed out late and dropped her off at home. Before she left we kissed in my car, only that one time though. I paid attention to the signs, she was always brushing up against me, keeping strong eye contact, facing her body in my direction, playing with her hair; etc. At first, I think she was playing a little hard to get and I guess somewhere along the way lost interest.

 

I have never been the one to throw in the towel right away, I just don't wanna chase something when the feelings aren't mutual. I would much rather back away for now and let her do her thing. I can be her friend too but I wanna do that with no feelings involved. I would want to look at her and not feel that attraction, if that's even possible. Like I said, just confused and don't really know what the right move is. Do I just let it come to me or do i try one more time after i move up there?

[Thaddeus]

Before she left we kissed in my car, only that one time though. I paid attention to the signs, she was always brushing up against me, keeping strong eye contact, facing her body in my direction, playing with her hair; etc. At first, I think she was playing a little hard to get and I guess somewhere along the way lost interest.

Dude...

 

She was sending you signals. Huge.

 

She may as well have been waving a big placard that said, "Man up! Be assertive! Take charge! Lead!" But if you didn't respond, her interest started to wane.

 

It may not be too late, though. Next time you see her, kiss her. Not one of those dry bird-like pecks, but a passionate, inviting kiss. Take charge. Do not wait for her to 'get things straight in her mind' or any such thing. Doing so will put you in the friend-zone, and nothing good can come of that.

 

She wants you to lead. So lead.

[WTRanger]

Did she tell you she was going on a date? She could be telling you in a not so round about way to step it up or she'll move on.

 

Either way, swing for the fences with her. Even if you strike out, at least you tried.

[dk_in_mn]

Did she tell you she was going on a date? She could be telling you in a not so round about way to step it up or she'll move on.

 

Either way, swing for the fences with her. Even if you strike out, at least you tried.

 

Tell me directly? No. I logged on to Facebook and saw it up on the main feed wall.

[banser123]

I agree with everyone, man up and tell/show her how you feel.

Be assertive. Think about it this way, you have nothing to lose.

At worst she will say no and you will be in the same boat as your in now, at best she will say yes and you can date her.

Do it now man, so you can at least say you tried

[dk_in_mn]

I agree with everyone, man up and tell/show her how you feel.

Be assertive. Think about it this way, you have nothing to lose.

At worst she will say no and you will be in the same boat as your in now, at best she will say yes and you can date her.

Do it now man, so you can at least say you tried

 

I wish I could, I really do! It's too late.

 

Apparently she has been seeing this guy for the last few days, more casual than anything up until last night. She is falling for him. I know I messed up, bad! I should have been more assertive in my approach with her. She pulled back after that first night out and I honestly didn't know what direction I should go with it. I started to doubt and question too many things in my mind and pulled back instead of going forward. As I look back on it, the picture is more clear for me, she was making me earn her affection and I failed.

 

Do I regret not being able to capture that chance to be that guy? Of course I do. I guess in the end I have to take this as a lesson learned and move on from there. I have never once been slow on my approach with women before, somehow, someway, this was different for whatever reason.

 

I know that by going back to that same small town I lived in, we will cross paths. I just want to have a clear mind with no regrets by then. In the end, she is a beautiful, charming and brilliant women, I just want is best for her. If anything, she deserves to be happy, she has been through enough.

[Devil Inside]

Sorry man...that sucks.

 

Lesson learned...if you like a woman...let her know. Always end a first date with a kiss...that will tell you if it's mutual..and most importantly...let her know you don't just want a "buddy."

[thrillaveza]

just let things take time ya know. i can tell you love her for you saying you want what's best for her. im sure sooner or later, she'll come around. i dont think you should give up just yet. even though she is dating someone, i feel you should tell her how you feel.