4 Months Now

[BklynGuy]

4 months ago today, my ex broke up with me. It was the end of a 4 1/2 year relationship. It meant the world to me. She meant everything. I'm 24 and she's 25. What kills me is that I treated her well, did most things she wanted, and all. I could not stand cheating! When she was, (Signs were there) I couldn't admit it. Deep down, I knew she was screwing around. I guess I was too afraid to face the facts. Too afraid to admit to myself that this woman I loved so deeply would put a knife in my back. We were supposed to go out that night, and I said "You always seem like you're hiding something." and then she said "Maybe we shouldn't be together." Whoa! Those words, they were my biggest fear. They were what I was deathly afraid of hearing. I had tried to hold onto this girl for dear life, because in many ways she was my life at that time. And after all I did, all I sacrificed, she just walked away......just like that. That was so painful, and it always seemed easy for her to let go. I now believe this is because she had another guy. I was always going to come out the loser in that situation. It's hard for me to get over. I wish all of the feelings and memories could be erased from my mind, but they cannot. It kills me inside whenever I think about it. She meant so much to me and I meant so little. I cried, I mourned, I hurt. I didn't even feel that sort of emotion when I learned of my father's demise. All of the dreams and hopes and wishes I had for us, are gone. They vanished in the blink of an eye, in one spoken sentence. The power of words is enormous. I felt it coming but couldn't face it. I couldn't admit it to myself. The woman I loved wasn't the person I thought she was, and I knew it deep down inside. Since the end of the relationship, I have come to realize many things. She was a wolf in sheeps clothing, a nomadic person. 2 months later I was doing well, until she reared her ugly head. We spoke on the phone, and I couldn't believe we were. I did say goodbye when she ended it. She spoke to me as if we were still together, but I could see her now. I could see the truth. The veil of lies and night had been lifted. She played me for years, pulling the wool over my eyes. That's what hurts the most. She spent half of her 20's w/me, as did I. And it's gone, all gone! I rushed to her house the next night and we talked. She asked me about kids and sunday dinners. I didn't understand. She told me she didn't want to break up w/me but had to. She did it b/c she was cheating & I caught her - I know that was why, although it would've happened eventually. I was so blind when we were together, and feel like a fish out of water w/out her. I did the club scene and it didn't help. It actually made me feel worse. I could see what she'd been doing for the 4 1/2 yrs. we were together and it made me sick. I miss her and still love her but don't really want her back. I do emotionally, but not on a thinking level. Flashbacks are still there, and it's hard but I will survive. She told me to "live my life" and not to fight it. She was scum, and always had been. I couldnt see this when I was w/her. Love is blind. I welcome responses.

[GodsChild3]

I feel your pain. My ex and I broke up two months ago. We were in a relationship for over 2 years and (unsimilar to yours) it was nearly perfect. Besides little fights, everything was A-Ok the whole time, so I was sooo shocked when he told me he needed 'space' and two weeks ago I find out he has another girlfriend! My heart nearly shattered in one million pieces. I've never cried so much in my entire lifetime. You put so much effort into loving someone and this is what they give you in return? What sucks so bad is that we had a lot of mutual friends and this has divided us all, since I don't want to see him, especially not with his new girlfriend. Love is truly blind like you say. When you are with the person you love, you try to block out all the negative aspects of their personality and avoid dealing with their wrongful behavior... you only think about the positive and what makes you love them... so when it's over, we kill ourselves with all the memories of the 'good' times. It's so hard to erase someone who's been such a big part of your life completely out of your memory. Still have hope though, because a time will come when you will no longer feel this pain and you may be in another relationship with someone who can love you more than your ex ever could...

However, in your situation, I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to go back to you. She reminds me of some of my girls, who may love that one guy, but tend to have other guys on the side. It's sick, but not everyone is as stable and assuring of themselves as we are. She will realize what she is missing, trust me... if you treated her so well like you said you did, she will soon notice on how the other men are treating her... It's hard to find a great love and she shouldve held on to you and appreciated you. When she tries to come back, it will be up to you to decide whether you want to take her back!

Are you still in contact with her? Hopefully not. That just feeds their ego! And it makes it so much harder to get over them!

Remember the saying: What goes around, comes around. As horrible as it sounds, unfortunately, the pain that she is putting upon you, she will experience herself in due time. It is during that time that she will realize how much she has hurt you.

 

Just focus on yourself at this time. Good things are heading your way!

 

Blessings,

 

T

[Vivid_29]

Not, she was scum - she is scum --

 

You know what? What you went through is an exact, mirror image of what I went through. Give them the world and you get the boot --

 

I caught my ex cheating; well, I mean I caught her walking out of her ex's house at 2:00 AM. She claimed that he needed moral support and that nothing happened, but I wasn't born yesterday. If she felt that she needed to hide it, well, she must have been up to good.

 

When we got home, I was very calm. She asked me if I hated her and I said the most hurtful words that can be said to anyone. I told her that, I didn't love her enough to hate her and stormed out. An hour later, I was kicked to the curb. It's like, I was being punished for catching her!!!

 

See how she let me go so easily? Over something I had said to her, when she actually was in the wrong? Obviously, something else was going on in her life.

 

Ok - Enough about me.

 

Be glad that this bitch let you go when she did. Better now than later, don't you think?

 

It hurts, I know it does, but this is all part of the healing phase. Hang in there, buddy --

[brashgal]

Ironically it has been 4 months and two days since I asked my ex to move out. I had known about his cheating for 3 years. He was not as honest as your GF - he didn't break it off as cleanly - sounds like she had more of a conscience. He kept telling me what mistakes he made, that I was the one he wanted to have the affair with and on and on through counselling and ups and downs for three whole years. That morning 4 months ago I had an epiphany like yours, enough had become enough - it's been hard but I won't be taking him back.

 

I remember what a kick in the stomach it was when I first found out he was cheating so I can imagine how you are feeling. It takes time to get over it - 4 months is not a very long period of time. How did she 'get over you so easily'? She had already moved on. But she didn't really get over you completely if she called you after 2 months and acted like you were still together. You saw right through her but your conversation still reopened the wound. You'll probably suffer other setbacks but hopefully the pain will lessen with each one.

 

Be patient and kind with yourself and don't be too quick to jump into another relationship. You sound like you are on the road to recovery, what you feel is normal - it just takes time.

[Matchbox311]

U will see the light at the other side of tunnel...U will get over it...It takes a while, maybe a long while, but focus on yourself now...U pu alot of focus on her and u..now its just yu..Take care of yourself now..Ull be able to pull thru~!~

 

~MBX311

Good luck 2 you pal