yummyyummy Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 husbands from straying? Just wondering, husband hasn't strayed but more of a curious question... If a marriage has a good sex life (sex on a regular basis, trying new things that both spouses want to try), does that make a husband less likely to cheat with a friend? Just curious. Also, what do ya'll think sex on a "regular basis" is? 2x/week, 3x/week, everyday, 1x/month? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 Nope, I can attest to the fact that a kick-arse sex life, won't stop someone from cheating. For some, cheating isn't about sex. It's about external validation and insecurities within the cheater, especially NPDers. My definition of a great marital sex life is 5 to 7 sessions a week. Now how many orgasms that correlates to, is individual reliant! Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 husbands from straying? Just wondering, husband hasn't strayed but more of a curious question... If a marriage has a good sex life (sex on a regular basis, trying new things that both spouses want to try), does that make a husband less likely to cheat with a friend? Just curious. Also, what do ya'll think sex on a "regular basis" is? 2x/week, 3x/week, everyday, 1x/month? Well, couldn't hurt! But seriously, I don't think a good sex life will make one faithful if they're inclined to stray. It's sad, but I've heard of too many occurences of the BS confused since they've been having good sex all along. An over used quote, one I've always attributed to Woody Allen is "Sex is only 5% of a relationship, but if that 5% isn't there, the other 95% doesn't matter." Which you could also read to say if sex IS there, then the other 95% DOES matter. As far as a regular basis, that will always depend on who you're asking. Personally 3 times a week is minimum for me, of course, your mileage may vary... Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 husbands from straying? Just wondering, husband hasn't strayed but more of a curious question... If a marriage has a good sex life (sex on a regular basis, trying new things that both spouses want to try), does that make a husband less likely to cheat with a friend? Just curious. Also, what do ya'll think sex on a "regular basis" is? 2x/week, 3x/week, everyday, 1x/month? A bad sex life will motivate a man toward straying, but I think asking if a good one will prevent it? Not as such. But removing one motivator is surely a step in the right direction. As for numbers, 5-10 times a week is ideal for me, but I can manage more or survive on less as long as the quality is there. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 "Sex is only 5% of a relationship, but if that 5% isn't there, the other 95% doesn't matter." Good quote, another person said "Sex is the glue that holds a good marriage together. You can't build anything good out of just glue, but without it all the other good stuff falls apart." Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 I feel sexual intimacy (not to be confused with intercourse) is essential to a healthy intimate relationship. I would define the difference as being the content of the sex and what each partner takes away from it. "Doing it" in and of itself doesn't define the meaning and value. IMO, a relationship with healthy intimacy (that's both sexual and emotional) is far less likely to suffer from infidelity than one which is lacking in those areas. What would be left are serial cheaters and sociopaths and I would presume one wouldn't want to accept or keep a personality of that type for the long term anyway. Frequency is entirely dependent on the couple; further, each couple would develop their own subset of frequency dependent on their affection styles. I'm 50 and, with someone whom I have an emotional connection and attraction to, I would be wanting to share at least a bit of that with her every day. If I wanted to put a number on penile-vaginal intercourse for those who define sex that way, I would opine 3-4 times per week as my preference. Those could all be on a Wednesday when we were both 'bad' Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 I think a marriage where all things, including sex, will reduce the likelihood of cheating. That said, I know I appreciate a good sex life. Everyday would be my ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 IMO, a relationship with healthy intimacy (that's both sexual and emotional) is far less likely to suffer from infidelity than one which is lacking in those areas. What would be left are serial cheaters and sociopaths and I would presume one wouldn't want to accept or keep a personality of that type for the long term anyway. Well said. I think a good marital sex life is insurance against straying by both partners, but insurance doesn't always cover every type of loss. No guarantees in life, but I'd rather be covered. However, as Carhill pointed out and with certain types of partners (I think serial cheaters ARE sociopaths ), all bets are off... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Yeah, serial cheaters could be considered sociopaths (I'm not sure I agree in a general sense) but I wanted to differentiate because sociopaths aren't necessarily serial cheaters but can gravely damage people in relationships in other ways. I can say, for myself, once the emotional intimacy came to be too little to discern or for me to find healthy, even though the sex was still there, I started disconnecting and that was when, for the first time ever in a relationship, I started thinking about other potentials (women). At least with my personality type (and people of both genders can fall into this type), don't underestimate the value of emotional intimacy, even with regular sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid9898 Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Is your husband still going to take that class together with that divorced woman? Are they still working together or talking on the phone? Does your H still check out her facebook 6 am in the morning? Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Is your husband still going to take that class together with that divorced woman? Are they still working together or talking on the phone? Does your H still check out her facebook 6 am in the morning? I want to know also. Bieng a sex star in the bed room will not keep a husband from cheating. Men and women have many, many reasons for cheating. Men and women have many reasons for not wanting sex with their spouses anymore. Sometimes the problems in a relationship include lack of sex. Often lack of sex is a symptom of a troubled relationship. It is very complex. OP, if your husband is still involved with the other woman, you both need to fix this before it drives you crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yummyyummy Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 H and I have talked about it ad nauseum on how it was wrong, how it upset and hurt me, etc. He said he's going to cut off his friendship with her, that he was only friends, he wants to be with me, he's not gonna call, text, email her at all anymore and if she asks what's wrong he's gonna say he's busy. He said it was dumb to do but it meant nothing and he didn't think about how it would make me feel. He said he's gpoing to answer every question I ask about it and understands he has to earn my trust back. Yes they work in the same dept but they're on different floors. I don't know what else I can do but let him earn my trust back and focus on having fun in our relationship-and of course our new baby Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I think the best you can do now is trust your instincts. If they tell you he is bieng truthful, then work on your relationship together and move forward. If they tell you something is off, pay attention to this and find out what is going on. As far as the sex, THere was an article posted on this board called something like "The Numbers of Love". I can't remember the exact title. Anyways, it said that happy couples that have been married for a while had sex an average of either 2 or 3 times a week. At the same time, they also kissed several times per day. They cuddled, I think, an average of three times per week for an x amount of time. I can't remember the specifics. I think the important message of that article, was that many things needed to happen in a marriage on a regular basis to make the marriage happy. Sex is only one of them. If something else is missing, the marriage can very well fall apart. Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 I feel a great life, and great sex will keep him at home cause what they say "what your wife won't do, the other woman will." One of the things that went wrong in my marriage is that the sex left and thats when other things fell apart. But to answer your question as long as the sex is consistant like a few times a week and its good and their's passion then he's not going no where...... Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 If he is a decent loyal guy - and the answers below are positive, you should have very low risk of "straying". Ask your husband if: - He truly feels loved - He truly feels "attractive" to you - He is very happy with your sex life Ask yourself how often you reject his advances in a way that makes him feel bad. There are nice ways to handle a night "off" - baby can we connect tomorrow works well with most men as long as it is honest and the follow up happens. husbands from straying? Just wondering, husband hasn't strayed but more of a curious question... If a marriage has a good sex life (sex on a regular basis, trying new things that both spouses want to try), does that make a husband less likely to cheat with a friend? Just curious. Also, what do ya'll think sex on a "regular basis" is? 2x/week, 3x/week, everyday, 1x/month? Link to post Share on other sites
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