BF *keeps* referring to ex-GF as "girlfriend"....why????????

[befuddled1]

From the very beginning of our relationship, when my boyfriend and I were just getting to know each other, I noticed that we'd both get talking in passing about past relationships and stuff, he'd refer to his ex girlfriend as "my girlfriend"....I initially didn't say anything because I didn't want to appear insecure or jealous, but I did find it strange. He did it a few too many times, so I ended up bringing it to his attention...in a joking sort of way, asking him if he was "aware" that he referred to her this way. He "said" he hadn't been aware.

 

I told him it was kind of weird....that people I've known, including myself, have no problem referring to an ex as "my ex" or "the ex".......he said he's different, that when he refers to her as his "girlfriend", he really means "my girlfriend (at the time)".

 

He's still doing this and it p*sses me off. Tonight we were talking on the phone and he again referred to her as his "girlfriend" and then when he caught himself, he quickly said "ex girlfriend"....then being a smart-ass, he jokingly said to me, "okay, so I know you'll analyze that however you like it, seeing how you're the analytical type person."

 

I don't think it's really that funny.

 

Could it REALLY be that in his heart, when he's referring to her, he still thinks of her as his girlfriend and really hasn't broken the emotional tie?

 

Please respond ASAP, thanks so much

[Tony T]

It's very, very possible that the emotional tie with his previous girlfriend isn't broken. That could be an explanation for the sexual problems and other difficulties you are having with him in what I would describe as a pretty poor relationship. I think you could do much better....blindfolded.

 

If he hasn't got the brains to be able to say "ex" prior to saying girlfriend, like 99.9999999999999999999 percent of other men do in the world when it's appropriate, I would also speculate he has some sort of brain damage. Get him to see a neurologist. If he's doing this on purpose, then he's just a plain old asxhole!

 

You don't need this.

[befuddled1]

Thanks tony, for your reply. guess I won't be able to figure out his motivation for doing this, whether he's still attached in someway or not. he swears he isn't but who knows. of all the guys i've dated over the past 20 years, not one has ever even accidentally referred to an ex as a present-tense girlfriend.

[moimeme]

befuddled1

 

I hate to harp on a theme, but again, this would be typical of someone with ADHD. Forgetting something over and over and over is VERY much a sign.

[BklynGuy]

How long was he with his ex-gf? He may be so used to thinking of her in that light, that he hasn't adjusted yet. I constantly find myself referring to my ex as my gf when I speak to others about her. I was w/her for years so I have to think to say "ex". It just seems so foreign to me.

[cdn]

I think it depends on the context. If I am telling a story about something that happened well in the past, I might refer to the other person as my boyfriend, since that's who he was at the time. Now, if I was to talk about him in the present -- say I'd run into him at the mall last week -- then I would definitely refer to him as an ex. This simply reflects how I like to relate events, not any lingering feelings for the man in question.

 

What does the *full* picture of your relationship with this guy look like? Does he seem focused on you? Do you feel he misses his gf? Is yours a rebound relationship or was there plenty of healing time between you and the ex? I think you need to look at all the elements and not just this one piece in isolation.