IOnceWasHis Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Hello, everyone! I'm new to the Shack and must say that thus far, I love it. Everyone appears to be VERY honest, which is what most are looking for. Okay, if anyone cares to read through this saga, I would LOVE to hear any advice and/or opinions regarding it. Obviously, for me to be sleep-deprived and still be up this late, posting on a board, the love bug has bitten me. Here we go...I met Jeff over a year ago and we dated for several months. It was very intense, and I distinctly remember telling my sister that if things continued at this pace, he and I would be engaged within months (and, I was thrilled about it...until I spoke it). Due to childhood trauma, nice men scared me and literally made me ill. Jeff was the nicest I had ever met that didn't make me ill, that I actually wanted to be near, even if I wasn't completely at ease. Anyway, I ended the relationship because he was getting too close and the fear had become overwhelming. I hated it, but I moved on (so I thought) with my life, still missing him and wanting to be with him but unable to conquer my fear. Well, in February of this year, I went to a revival and was delivered from my past completely, thanks to Jesus. No, it wasn't the deliverance you see on TV, but it was a personal touch from My Father. It felt great! No more fear of allowing men next to me or my heart! So, in the middle of May, I dream about Jeff and wake up realizing that he is THE ONE for me! Needless to say, three days went by and I had NO sleep. I wrote him letters, telling him everything I couldn't say the year before...that I loved him, wanted to be with him, wasn't scared anymore, elaborated on why I had left to begin with, etc. We met for coffee, he read it in my presence, and was very touched. Unfortunately, he had also begun dating someone. We kept in touch over the last six months, and they broke up about a month ago. He invited me over last Friday night to 'talk' about things, and we ended up spending five hours together! He repeatedly said, "That's my baby" and held me like he used to. Anyway, Sunday rolls around, and I haven't heard back from him, so I head to the house. His biggest pet peeve is for someone to just show up unannounced, so he was irritated but got over it. He said that he wanted to slowly open the door to me again (despite the fact I broke his heart the year before), but it felt like I was trying to break the door down. I admitted that I just might be, seeing as how I have had this fire burning for 6+ months and now the opportunity is here. I also told him I would compromise and 'date' him for the time being, so that we could grow together again. Anyway, I have had ONE communication, via email, since Sunday night, and I'm wondering what I should do. I have called him a couple of times throughout the week and left messages, but he hasn't called back. IS there a chance for us, based on what you've read? Is he just playing it safe because he's scared I'll bolt again, and I'm going to have to prove myself this time? I dont' want to give up, but I don't want to sit in agony either. Thanks to all who respond! God bless! Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Well, I think it is great that you managed to overcome your past by developing a realationship with god. At this point I think alls you can do now is let him know how much you care about him but don't appear needy. Just let him know you thinking of him and then let him decide how fast he wants to open the door. You said jesus lifted you away from the pain and suffering of your past. Why not put this situation in his hands and see what doors he will open. Just be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IOnceWasHis Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 I definitely should leave it in His hands; everything is in His hands, anyway, right? He and I just play tug of war from time to time, even though I know He wins every time. I just wish that He would give me my heart's desire, but I know that He will on His own, PERFECT time. Thank you for the response! God bless and keep you! L Link to post Share on other sites
Velvet Eel Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 This guy sounds as if he really cares for you, but you've got to control your excitement or you'll chase him away. He's even told you to slow down. A lesser man would just back off and say nothing. Now, it's up to you to live up to his behavior. The first step is to trust his feelings for you. The second is to control your impulse to pursue him right now. You were brave to go back to him and ask for another chance. Be even braver now. Let him set the pace, and you may get your heart's desire. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author IOnceWasHis Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 Thank you for the response. I know that you're right. I mean, he has backed off and pretty much said nothing for days, with the exception of the one email which didn't say much regarding us. It was a response to a forward I had sent him which was hilarious, discussing an ad in the Atlanta Journal for a 'single black female' looking for a good time riding in trucks, having candlelight dinners, and walks in the park. The joke was that the Human Society had put a 6 week old lab puppy up for adoption, and over 15,000 men responded. The name of the email was 'Men are so easy' and it was meant in an endearing way (to me anyway), rather than a bashing way. He jokingly said, "By the way, male bashing isn't the best way to win a man over." And, he followed that by a huge smiley face. I advised him, jokingly as well, that I didn't know I had to do anything to win a man over, other than be my fantastic self <rolling eyes and grinning> followed that. So, anyway, I guess I'm just confused as to what he wants me to do right now. He knows my heart; I've spent six months pouring it out to him. And, I think the best thing for me to do is back off and give him the time he needs. But, how long will he need? How long before he can call me and say, "I've done some thinking, and here's what I think." Does this make sense? I hate to drive myself, as well as everyone else, nuts over this, but I've never felt like this before. But, what is meant to be, will be. I just can't stand the waiting. I'm a redhead; can you tell? Thanks again for the response, and feel free to respond to this one. God bless! L Link to post Share on other sites
KitWalker Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 IONCEWASHIS if I could tell you how long it will be til he responds to you, then I'd happily share! Unfortunately, Im in the same boat and I've been apart from my loved one since 30th of Sept. Only been the last 2 weeks that I've completely cut off contact with her and I am waiting for that phone to call or that email to come through to say those very words "i've been doing some thinking...." If you've only just started to cut him off now, I think you will be in for a little wait longer. This is where everyone will tell you to move on, not as find someone else, but to do stuff to keep yourself busy! I know that during the day I only 'now' have been able to keep myself occuppied, at night when im going to bed however, well....thats a different story! Time to slow down, relax and thats when memories and thoughts start! Keep your chin up! Wait it out...there isnt anything else you can do! You've told him everything you can, he knows how you feel. Its up to him to realise that he misses you or that he wants to be back with you! Go out, have dates with guys......doesnt mean you will strike a relationship up with them, just enjoying a meal and conversation! Link to post Share on other sites
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