FreemanX Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Hi, i was wondering if you guys could give me some insights on what to do next with my little situation ... I m 29 , m and the girl of my dreams just turned 23 (she is single since last year september) We starting working together one year ago (in august) and have classes together. The first couple of months we were just colleagues, nothing special. Around christmas i started to get to know her better because of a mutual friend in class. We were always nice to each other and started a little texting via facebook and email and also some hugging when we saw each other. I always teased a little and told her that i like her and thats she is beautiful and stuff like that .. and at that time i hadnt had any romantic interest in her. I just liked her and was nice... Over the next couple of months we got to know each other better and had more serious talks and were in the same group in school so we spend more time together. We were always holding hands, hugging / holding each other, massaging each other, she was sitting on my lap or even fell asleep in my arms during a free period. A couple of months ago i started to develop romantic feelings for her and so i started teasing her about going out and that i really liked her, made little presents and showed my affection, but nothing substantial, so she probably thought i was just being nice/friendly. After telling our mutual friend about this (a girl), the friend told me that she is not looking for a relationship right now, because she got hurt a lot in the past, she just wants to have fun if you know what i mean, she also likes the macho guys (the *******s if you want) and i am considered a really nice guy... so i didnt know what to do... After some weeks however the feelings got so strong, i used all my courage (you have to know that i probably have the lowest self esteem ever) and finally told her that i have feelings for her and wrote her a letter explaining them as well. But just my luck, on the same day she said to the mutual friend that something developed with some of her fun buddies and she is probably not single anymore. So my timing was amazing After i told her we had no contact for a week but then she texted me saying "you are the nicest guy i ever met, i dont want there anything to come between us, i love you as a friend, lets talk about it next week" (in the meanwhile the thing with the fun buddy didnt work out at all and she changed phone numbers etc just so she could never talk to him again, and is pretty heartbroken about it too since then). Our talk wasnt a talk at all, we both simply ignored the thing and just were our usual fun selves and talked about anything but the issue at hand. Everything felt just as before (and that was ok for a while, because i was afraid to loose her friendship as well), but now its coming all back to haunt me. I still like her so much and i am still writing the nicest textmessages and giving her little presents and show her that i care for her.... The thing is, do i have a chance with her? should i try even harder to get her? should i just break off any contact at all and even lose the friendship or do i continue as if nothing happened and suffer through the last school year? i am really at a loss... what i dont get is, am i really misreading her completeley?? i cant believe for one second that there is just friendship and nothing more, usually i would backdown immediatley cause of my low self esteem, but this time i am so sure that she likes me .. even the other people around us ask me all the time if we are together, because it looks like that when we are nice to each other on the other hand, its always me who is writing texts, she almost always answers but she never initiates it, our mutual friend says that thats just the way she is , and it is so hard to spend time with her, because she has so many friends and works 3 jobs ... then i think, if she d really like me she would make the time ... on monday the new school year starts and i have no clue how to react or to treat her ... sorry if some of my post is unclear i am not a native english speaker if you have any questions just feel free to ask thx in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Start dating other women if you want her to see you as a man. If you don't you will always be the hang out friend she can call and is always available. Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I always figure trying to be close friends with a person who you are interested in but does not show the same towards you is self-inflicted torture each and every time you see her. You will get your hopes up 100s of times only to have her reject you 100s of times. It doesn't feel very good. You will analyze every signal over and over but never really get any further. Fun. You'll be the guy getting torn apart when she tells you about her great dates with other guys and you'll be her crutch when her relationships have problems. Wait until she asks you for advice on getting a some kind of special gift for some occasion for another guy. Basically you'll get all the crap without any of the good stuff. If you start dating someone, unless she is involved with someone else seriously, she might get jealous and possesive of you and suddenly show "interest" all the way up until the point you are single again. She'll tell you how the girl you are seeing is trashy, or wears too much makeup, or she just doesn't like her at all, or ask, "You're really thinking of going out with HER?!". It's just always a crappy situation to have a girl where you don't get the positives of dating but you get the ALL negatives. It will be tough when you see her run through fun buddies that treat her like garbage while you watch as her crutch buddy. One day she will ask you why she can't ever meet any really great guys. That will say it all, but likely you'll think of it as her finally coming around and asking you to make a move. Find someone else that wants to DATE you, not use you as filler. Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 It seems she sees you as her best friend but she has zero romantic interest in you. I'm sorry. It must be painful. I would treasure her friendship and look for romance elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
gemgirl Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 dunstable is totally on target here. I would also advise you to be more upfront in the beginning. Don't joke around that you want to go on a date. Women like confident men who are assertive in their decisions. You did good with the compliments (as long as they are sincere). Gently look into their eyes and if you feel a connection from a girl - green light. The worst that could happen is "no" and who cares? We can't all be attracted to each other, right? Link to post Share on other sites
dunstable Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 gemgirl's advice is good. You should have been more upfront. Rather than agonizing over whether you were misreading her signals, you should have told her how you felt, or demonstrated it physically by kissing or touching her in a sensual way. It sounds as if you were waiting for her to make the first move. It also sounds as if she might have made moves but you did not recognize them - like hugging you, sitting in your lap, falling asleep in your arms. Those could all be the actions of a non-romantic friend but they could also be the "green light" (to use gemgirl's term) for you to go a step further. Definitely be more upfront in future, don't be afraid to say, or physically show, how you feel. And if you go a step too far and get rebuffed, like gemgirl said, we can't all be attracted to each other so no big deal, right? Have there been any developments since your original post? Link to post Share on other sites
whiteberry Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 try to make her jealous... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts