Devil Inside Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Just curious. MM/MW was/is sex better with your OW/OM or your S? OW/OM was/is sex with MM/MW better than sex with other partners or previous/current S? Is it the A that makes the sex better or not? Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Just curious. MM/MW was/is sex better with your OW/OM or your S? OW/OM was/is sex with MM/MW better than sex with other partners or previous/current S? Is it the A that makes the sex better or not? Yes it's the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Yes it's the affair. Correct me if I am wrong SidLyon, but you are a BS, right (sorry, can't keep up with the stories)? So you are saying that your WS's affair with OW made the sex between you and he better than it was pre-affair? Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Ditto (what Tami Chan said) Sid you would have NO idea as you havent had an affair. But you do seem to believe it was better. I hope your self esteem over the affair is improving. As I recall your H said she was very beautiful. And I can imagine that must really hurt. For me it definitely wasnt better but the relationship outside of the sex was better than most other relationships I have had. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Ditto (what Tami Chan said) Sid you would have NO idea as you havent had an affair. But you do seem to believe it was better. I hope your self esteem over the affair is improving. As I recall your H said she was very beautiful. And I can imagine that must really hurt. For me it definitely wasnt better but the relationship outside of the sex was better than most other relationships I have had. To Tami and JJ, Devil's question was addressed to both OW (which I have never been) and to MM/MW who have had affairs. I have had an (exit) affair many years ago while I was in a long term relationship. The OM was single. So yes I know something about affair sex. I can't imagine why either of you would have assumed that I would have answered such a specific question so definitively without personal experience. Just showing your prejudices about BWs perhaps? S Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 No bias whatsoever Sid. Based on the awful things you say to OWs it never crossed my mind that you would have had an affair yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ali0112 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I personally believe that when Sid stated, "Yes, it's the affair", she was referring to how she believes it was with her husband and his affair partner(s), and having nothing to do with herself at all. I'm sure she will disagree with this. I don't presume to know what anyone else thinks, but in this case, I believe that she was referring to her husband and his affair or affairs. If she believes that the sex was so incredible for him simply because it was an "affair", it makes her feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 No bias whatsoever Sid. Based on the awful things you say to OWs it never crossed my mind that you would have had an affair yourself. I think you have me confused with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 The best sex I've had was where there was a great relationship where there was equal giving and alot of emotion. This has been both in affair sex and normal single/single relationships in my life. I have been in great relationships where the sex was really bad as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I personally believe that when Sid stated, "Yes, it's the affair", she was referring to how she believes it was with her husband and his affair partner(s), and having nothing to do with herself at all. I'm sure she will disagree with this. I don't presume to know what anyone else thinks, but in this case, I believe that she was referring to her husband and his affair or affairs. If she believes that the sex was so incredible for him simply because it was an "affair", it makes her feel better. You are wrong - I was speaking personally. I don't think it would make me feel better at all, to know about my H and the sex during his A. S Link to post Share on other sites
ali0112 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Then my apologies to you. Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 ...it never crossed my mind that you would have had an affair yourself. It was over 30 years ago - I was very young - he was my first boyfriend - we were together 5 years - I had no idea how to end a relationship - it ended badly - I was ashamed. I am over it now but for a long time it was a huge regret to me that I had done this dreadful thing to someone I had cared about. S Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Then my apologies to you. It's OK - I should have clarified - trying unsuccessfully to be brief but humorous - hence the wink - probably not a topic to joke about in hindsight. S Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Just curious. MM/MW was/is sex better with your OW/OM or your S? OW/OM was/is sex with MM/MW better than sex with other partners or previous/current S? Is it the A that makes the sex better or not? After my false start I'll try to answer again with more detail. I'm a BW, not an OW; but I've had affair sex so I feel I can answer the question. I was not married at the time and it was a long time before I met my husband. The truth is for me that it was almost certainly the illicit nature of what I was doing that added to the "excitement". The strange thing is that objectively it was not much different (ie what we actually did), but my feelings were very different. As a result of this I have the view that in some ways it is probably the existence of the marriage and the BS, that facilitates the excitement of the affair sex. S Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I apologise if I have confused you with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 To Tami and JJ, Devil's question was addressed to both OW (which I have never been) and to MM/MW who have had affairs. I have had an (exit) affair many years ago while I was in a long term relationship. The OM was single. So yes I know something about affair sex. I can't imagine why either of you would have assumed that I would have answered such a specific question so definitively without personal experience. Just showing your prejudices about BWs perhaps? S How is my question bias? I was merely trying to clarify something...you could have answered in one of two ways. 1) Yes, our married sex life was enhanced by his affair or 2) I had an affair my myself and sex in that relationship was great.... Unless you were actually responding on behalf of the APs? which would the be a little off, because, indeed, how would you know how sex would be between APs IF you have not been an AP yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 How is my question bias? I was merely trying to clarify something...you could have answered in one of two ways. 1) Yes, our married sex life was enhanced by his affair or 2) I had an affair my myself and sex in that relationship was great.... Unless you were actually responding on behalf of the APs? which would the be a little off, because, indeed, how would you know how sex would be between APs IF you have not been an AP yourself? UGH.....I was trying to edit my response, but was too slow..ok so YOU DID have an affair....except that you had an OM....so you were not an OW but you were the Wayward Partner. I get that.... boy, is there ever an end to surprises.... At any rate, you cannot fault us for taking your original response from the standpoint from which you have always presented yourself here, as a BS.... Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 How is my question bias? I was merely trying to clarify something...you could have answered in one of two ways. 1) Yes, our married sex life was enhanced by his affair or 2) I had an affair my myself and sex in that relationship was great.... Unless you were actually responding on behalf of the APs? which would the be a little off, because, indeed, how would you know how sex would be between APs IF you have not been an AP yourself? As you've correctly pointed out it would be off for me to comment on A sex if I didn't know from personal experience. Hmm you said: "Correct me if I am wrong SidLyon, but you are a BS, right (sorry, can't keep up with the stories)? So you are saying that your WS's affair with OW made the sex between you and he better than it was pre-affair? " In other words you seemed to assume it was more likely that I was commenting on the sex my H had in his A, and somehow translating that as having the effect of enhancing our own sex life. This may be your experience but it isn't mine and nor would it have been the conclusion I leaped to on the basis of my initial brief response. Please note I am not suggesting it is your experience - just "trying to clarify" as you did with me. Maybe you would like to address Devil's question from your own experience. Sorry if I haven't answered the question to your satisfaction yet; but I don't think I can add anything further to what I've already said. S Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 In other words you seemed to assume it was more likely that I was commenting on the sex my H had in his A, and somehow translating that as having the effect of enhancing our own sex life.This may be your experience but it isn't mine and nor would it have been the conclusion I leaped to on the basis of my initial brief response. Please note I am not suggesting it is your experience - just "trying to clarify" as you did with me.SidLyon, like I said, I asked because I only know of your story as a BS(it's the only one I read-thus the request to clarify-sorry I asked:eek:), so your response kind of came from the left field, so to speak... not to mention some couples claim their sex life became better during one partner's affair. At any rate, for my part, the answer is NO, I was practically celibate after D-day ( and I was only 19!) for more than a dozen years. Sorry if I haven't answered the question to your satisfaction yet; but I don't think I can add anything further to what I've already said.Oh you answered it fine. It's just that you seemd upset and defensive about it. I can understand. If one has touted oneself as an epitomy of commitment and then later reveals that he/she, too ,was a cheat, one loses a bit of credibility. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Tami, that's why I have told that I was a cheater, from the very beginning, so that the revelation wouldn't affect my believability. OP, Affair sex is no better or worse than any other kind of sex. If you are good at it, it will be good, if not, the reverse is true. That whole " thrill", thing about doing something "bad", is way over-rated as an aphrodisiac. I t may make it better once or twice, but after that the sex is only as good as both partners can make it. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Tami, that's why I have told that I was a cheater, from the very beginning, so that the revelation wouldn't affect my believability. OP, Affair sex is no better or worse than any other kind of sex. If you are good at it, it will be good, if not, the reverse is true. That whole " thrill", thing about doing something "bad", is way over-rated as an aphrodisiac. I t may make it better once or twice, but after that the sex is only as good as both partners can make it. You are right, Boldjack. I understand turning one's life around or learning from one's mistakes, I do. But I have a bit of a problem with those who have been to the "other side" but yet are more judgmental and less empathetic to those who are still on that side....maybe because it is frustrating for them to see people in these situations because they already know the outcome? I don't know. To Sidlyon's credit...hers was a long time ago and she was young and most likely a different person then. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Tami, It can be very frustrating to see somebody, especially somebody very young, making the same mistakes that I made. Link to post Share on other sites
complicatedlife Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 OW/OM was/is sex with MM/MW better than sex with other partners or previous/current S?It was better with my former MM than with ALL of my previous partners...he is my current partner. Is it the A that makes the sex better or not?For me, no. It's even better now that we are in a "normal" situation and I didn't think that was possible because it was already quite awesome. But now I'm getting ready to practice abstinence so hopefully if we get over a little bump in our road it'll be the same after we're married.... Link to post Share on other sites
SidLyon Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 SidLyon, ...Oh you answered it fine. It's just that you seemd upset and defensive about it. I can understand. If one has touted oneself as an epitomy of commitment and then later reveals that he/she, too ,was a cheat, one loses a bit of credibility. Only a little annoyed really that you seemed to jump to an erroneous conclusion. I am sure that I already said weeks ago that I had cheated in my dim distant past. But I now can't find the post where I said it. I was 17 when I got my first boyfriend and nearly 5 years later I cheated in very extenuating circumstances - including that he was none too faithful to me. It was an exit affair - it didn't last and nor did his outside relationships. My first boyfriend and I remained friends to the extent of me attending his wedding years later. I'm not proud of any of this but it's what shaped me as a person including that I was determined to never get myself into such a situation again and that I would never ever encroach on another woman's relationship - I never have and never will. If I lose credibility because of any of this, so be it. It doesn't change my own reaction to my H's infidelity. My reaction to my first boyfriend's infidelity was nothign at all like it, minor in comparison - maybe I was different then. S Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Only a little annoyed really that you seemed to jump to an erroneous conclusion. I am sure that I already said weeks ago that I had cheated in my dim distant past. But I now can't find the post where I said it. I was 17 when I got my first boyfriend and nearly 5 years later I cheated in very extenuating circumstances - including that he was none too faithful to me. It was an exit affair - it didn't last and nor did his outside relationships. My first boyfriend and I remained friends to the extent of me attending his wedding years later. I'm not proud of any of this but it's what shaped me as a person including that I was determined to never get myself into such a situation again and that I would never ever encroach on another woman's relationship - I never have and never will. If I lose credibility because of any of this, so be it. It doesn't change my own reaction to my H's infidelity. My reaction to my first boyfriend's infidelity was nothign at all like it, minor in comparison - maybe I was different then. S SidLyon, get over it....I did not jump into conclusion(maybe some other poster did, but not me)..I asked...or did you miss that part? because I obviously, missed the part where you said from 'weeks ago' that you cheated on your ex-BF. I'm sorry I am not an ardent follower of your posts . Jesus, get over it already. You were asked. So sex was better for you when you cheated, ok fine, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts