Update on my situation

[ALF to D and all the others]

Hey D and all you others that helped me out,

 

Well my situation somehow went up and down at the same time. As i said in my earlier post ("2 D from ALF" its way down there) i thought she liked another guy....one of my good friends. Well that turns out true...and he likes her. I helped him out and encouraged him to call her and tell her he liked her. I thought i had no chance. So we travel about 2 miles to a store to call her...on bike. He called and told her. She said she liked him too.....darn. *BUT* she asked who i liked because he mentioned dating and she wondered if i liked anyone. So i just said i wouldnt tell her cause she knows the person. She said she knew i liked her. I keep paying her as little attention as possible and shes always joking around with me and i think she MIGHT like me too. She found out i liked her after my friend told her. But now she acts......"differently" towards me. So what do you guys think? She acting like we r buddy buddy all the time now. But thats my update,

 

ALF

[D.]

Dear Alf, Great to hear from you. I do remember all your posts.

 

Now, I need a little help with this one. I understand all you are saying up to one point:

 

First you say that she asks this guy: "*BUT* she asked who i liked because he mentioned dating and she wondered if i liked anyone." And : "She said she knew i liked her."

 

Then you say, "I keep paying her as little attention as possible and shes always joking around with me and i think she MIGHT like me too." And that she found out from a friend that you like her, too.

 

Now here is the part where I am confused. You then say: "But now she acts......"differently" towards me. So what do you guys think? She acting like we r buddy buddy all the time now."

 

Alf, in one sentence you say that you think she may like you too and in another you say she acts "differently" toward you ....... acting like you are buddy buddy all the time.

 

I am sorry I have forgotten your age, but in many girls (preteen, teen and older), they will act "buddy buddy" in order to test the waters to see if you like them so they do not suffer rejection. HOWEVER, on the other hand, sometimes, they act "buddy buddy" because that is just how they feel ... like buddies with a guy and there is no romantic interest.

 

When she said she found out that you liked her from a friend, this may have been flattering to her, but she may still just feel like buddies. BUTTTTT, again, she may be wanting to find out if you like her as there is the possiblity that she likes you, too.

 

ALF, I am afraid there is only ONE way to find out. First of all, don't give her any information when you have this talk with her (in other words, don't tell her you want to know because you like her) ... it is not necessary for the conversation that I am to suggest. I suggest at an appropriate time that you ask her to be 100% honest with you and does she like you as more than just a friend.

 

Again, tell her to be 100% honest with you. If she asks, "Why do you want to know", tell her that if you are to be pals that is fine, but if she has more feelings than just pals, you deserve to know. (Again, you do not need to reveal your feelings to her at the time of the conversation.)

 

ALF, the shortest distance from point A. to point B. is a straight line. That converation is about as straight a line as I can suggest. What do you think?

[ALF]

Well for your first question. ( this is before she got a confirmed answer that i liked her.) My friend said that he should go to the movies with her. Then she said that it should be a triple date to the movies because she knew another couple and she wanted to know if i wanted to bring someone as my date. Thats when she wanted to know who i liked. My firend told her he couldnt tell her because she "knew her" . I guess that gave it off because she told my friend that she knew i liked her.

 

Ok your second now:

 

I took tony's advice and im Playin it cool around her. I talk to her briefly and i keep my distance. Before, when i was always trying to be on her good side(so you can say), she really didnt have much interest.(probably because i was trying too hard) NOW its been a few days and she just tries to spark conversations and shes always joking around with me. For instance, i will be talking to one of my friends and ill joke with them and she will just pop into our conversation and start joking around with me too. She hast done that in a while.I have definately seen her interest go up a notch or two. ALSO, she tried to get me alone to talk about something.....i believe it was about my friend calling her from a store's payphone.

 

As far as her acting buddy buddy with me. Im not sure whether shes just trying to be friends with me or what. She been giving me alot of attention now.

 

I dont know what you think..... but do you think she may be trying to decide between me and my friend since she found out that i liked her?

 

And as far as me straight up asking her if she does really like me.... I dont know if i can do that. She just told one of my best friends she liked him....... But she does show signs of flirting towards me too. Im afraid shell just say we are friends. So give me your opinion and ill write you back too,

 

ALF P.S. Im 15 shes 14

[D.]

Alf, OK, I understand the situation better.

 

First I will answer your question: "I dont know what you think..... but do you think she may be trying to decide between me and my friend since she found out that i liked her?" Alf, that is a possibility. But it is also possible that she is enjoying all the attention from all these guys who like her. That is not uncommon and does not speak ill of her at at all.

 

I can certainly see what you mean by not feeling comfortable approaching her and asking her true feelings since he has only just professed her feelings for another guy, especially being your friend!

 

The darndest shame of this entire situation is that all of you are friends! You see, if you did not know nor have loyalty to the other guy, it would be so much easier to approach her, date her if she is interested (more than "just a buddy") and let her decided as she dates the two of you who she likes best and desires to spend her time with. Alas, this is NOT the case. NEVER mess up a friendship over girl. I know this one is special ... but girls will come and go while friends are stable and always there for you. And I am a girl talking here.

 

The only thing I can suggest is that you continue doing exactly what you are doing until she makes up her mind who she wishes to be with. Even though girls are far more mature at age 14 than they were when I was that age, they will still tend to date a guy for a while, break up with him and then date another guy, then either go on to the next guy or go back to the initil guy again. Should that happen and she chooses you, make sure there would be NO hard feelings between you and your friend as it just would NOT be worth it when the time comes that she breaks up with you and you will have lost a friend.

 

At this time in your life, love life is way confusing and trying to read signals from the opposite sex can be so frustrating! You sound like you are on the right track to continue making yourself available, BUT NOT TO AVAILABLE.

 

ALF, is there any possiblily what-so-ever that you find any other girl interesting at this time as well? You see, a girl (the one you are talking about) would find you more a challenge and attractive were you seeing another girl. HOWEVER, you must be absolutely possitive not to lead the other girl on into believing that she is anything more than a friend you are dating ... that is, should you decide to do that. DO NOT get the reputation for using one girl to get to another or I assure you that you will end up with all the girls turning you down in the future.

 

This is a here and now situation with this present girl, but in the future, I guarantee you there will be so many others. You Da Man!

 

What do you think?

[ALF]

Hey,

 

Well me and my friend already discussed that we both like her. We decided that whoever comes out on top its fair play and no hard feelings. I made sure of this when i found out he liked her. I wouldnt say that im very interested in other girls.....Maybe one that i just met yesterday....i see what your saying. But how can i go o a "friendly" date? Dont you think that if i go out on a date it would mean that i "really" like her? I dont want the girl im dating to know that im doin it to make the girl i like jealous! But maybe im wrong, thats why im talkin to you. I have a question for you know too. What did you mean by saying :'You sound like you are on the right track to continue making yourself available, BUT NOT TO AVAILABLE."? Anyways, tell me what you think about it. And do you think that even if we agree that we can both like her and try to date her its a good idea to even though were friends?,

 

ALF

[D.]

Yo ALF! That is great news about you and your friend agreeing that whoever wins her affections, that it is okay with the other guy ...... just make sure he is not just saying that and that he really means it. Know what I mean?

 

K. For your questions: "But how can i go o a "friendly" date?" Easy! You let the girl know you like her as a friend only and would like to see a movie with her or something sometime ... whenever the ocassion arises. One does not NEED to be girlfriend/boyfriend to go out somewhere together. Just as long as there is the understanding there so no one gets the wrong idea.

 

Next: "Dont you think that if i go out on a date it would mean that i "really" like her?" See my answer above for this one, Dude! You are in control of making your intentions be known. She is the one who needs to decide if she wants to go out with a guy as a friend or if she wants more from you. Just make your feelings clear.

 

Next: "What did you mean by saying :'You sound like you are on the right track to continue making yourself available, BUT NOT TO AVAILABLE."?"" What I meant is that you are hanging out with your friends while she is present. You are talking to your friends and paying less attention to her ... but NOT leaving her completely out of the conversations. That would be rude and conterproductive for your purposes. To put it in a nutsell, you have stopped trying so hard to win her affections is what I mean ... and it sounds to me that your method is working well as she is jumping in with your conversations and joking with your other friends and talking to you alone more. I hope I got the right impression from your post, but that is what I heard.

 

Next:"And do you think that even if we agree that we can both like her and try to date her its a good idea to even though were friends?,"

 

ALF, that is a tough one! It really is a judgement call. Like I said above, your friend may be saying no hard feelings and mean it ... but he may subconsciously feel different and it may bother him. The only way to find out is to take him for his word ... then if you both, or you alone start seeing this girl and you find that he behaves differently towards you by either distancing himself, forcing himself to make a "show of gladness" to save face (one can usually see right through that), or any other signs that it really bothers him ....... that is when you have to decided if it is worth losing him over this girl.

 

As I said before, girls come and go (BIG TIME!) but your friends are there for you. Never chose a girl over your friend. Well, he SAYS it is okay with him. See if he means it and take it from there.

 

What do you think?

[ALF]

I think he means it......then again hes got a high on life right now because she said she liked him. But i think hes pretty serious about we can both try for her. If he has any hard feelings about it and i know about it then ill make my decision. I havent seen her today because i was at guess whos house. We didnt talk about her much. I think in the whole day i was over there he probably mentioned her once....but i know whats on his mind. But ill just keep updating you. Oh you did get the right impression. When she is around i wont talk to her unless she specifically asks me a question. If im talking to my friends and she asks a question, ill let them answer her. But if they dont answer her, she likes to specifically ask me by saying my name to get my attention. Alot of times she will say something to me and i will act like i didnt hear it or i will act like i didnt know she was talking to me. But ill be joking with my friends and she will laugh at my joke and shell run lines off of it. So she initiates all forms of conversing between us now. Ill keep you updated. Do you want me to start a new post so that it stays on top of do you want to keep replying to this one??,

 

ALF

[D.]

Dear Alf, Way to go, man. Things sound under control!

 

As for your question:

 

"Do you want me to start a new post so that it stays on top of do you want to keep replying to this one??,"

 

Yep, please start a new one at the top as this one is getting pretty long and far down the line.

 

Keep me posted and let me know if there is any advice or are any suggestions I can make.

 

You are doing great! Like you said though, your friend is high on life as he has the girl right now, so just be sure he is sincere you you and himself when he says it is okay for you to go after her. OK? OK!

 

Later! D.