any of you ever apologize to your rebounds?

[gd26]

Hi there. I was just wondering if any of you who were going through separation/divorce ever felt guilty or apologized to the people you rebounded with later.

 

Last year I met someone who was separated from his wife (they were entirely planning on divorcing, and had been living separately for a few months when I got to know him). I had never dated a separated person before (and never will again), but it was a lesson to be learned for me. He assured me when we met that he had emotional closure from his wife (which was totally not the case, as I came to see later)... so I foolishly get my heart entangled with him. In the beginning he was actively pursuing me (trying to recover his damaged ego from his wife who had cheated on him and left him), and we had a fantastic intellectual connection and spent hours and hours having deep meaningful conversations. But after I reciprocated interest, he cooled off. We only 'dated' for a couple of months before he realized that he wasn't ready to be dating (or so he claimed) and that he wasn't sure if we were entirely compatible. At that point, I was deeply crushed as I had developed very strong feelings for him and thought he was perfect for me as a life partner. Although there was a hurt email that I sent him, for the most part I carried myself well, and when he rejected me (telling me he was feeling pressured by me and still hadn't healed from his broken marriage), I exited gracefully and we both wished each other the best.

 

The last time we talked was exactly one year ago... so it's been NC from my side ever since (though he sent a casual, string-along, few line email to me a few weeks later which I never responded to). I had my hope up that maybe he'd come back after his divorce 9 months later (as his state required a 1 year separation before divorce). But I never heard from him, so at this point, I realize that it's high time I move on with my life... as it doesn't seem like he is coming back. I realize that I had opened up my heart to him and allowed myself to get attached; but in his case, he was emotionally unavailable from the beginning, which is why he probably never allowed himself the same chance to get attached to me, and thus why it was probably so much easier for him to move on from me. I know I made the mistake of being a tad clingy with him, but I always treated him kindly, patiently and with much decency and appreciation.

 

For those of you who got into rebound relationships to ease the pain after your spouse left you, did you ever go back months or years later and apologize to that person for getting involved with him or her when you were emotionally unavailable and had nothing to offer that relationship (assuming the 'rebound' person really cared for you and wasn't just a fling)? I figure most people don't. Most people are all crying over their exes and just brush off the rebound relationships without mentioning them too much. I am just trying to get closure here, wondering if he would ever feel remorse or compassion for my experience. I always thought about him, felt bad that his ex cheated on him and didn't treat him kindly (or so he said). I tried to validate him and let him know he was a special person who deserved to be treated well. But unfortunately in his own attempt to escape his pain, my heart just got tossed aside. I might have been ignorant and foolish to have believed him when he said he had already recovered from his broken marriage when he met me, but despite my acknowledgement of my foolishness... it still hurts.

[metro]

I have apologized to my rebound & also decided to keep dating. I was dumped by GF of 2.5 yrs back in February..we were living together & she all of a sudden decided we were incompatible and admitted to falling out of love. I moved out in May & was extremely crushed by the turn of events. I was due to pop the question in February as well but after moving out we've had very little contact as I told her I would not be demoted to just friends so she only contacted me if I had mail over there. I decided to start dating even though I knew I shouldn't. I went out with a several woman with no chemistry but then I had serious chemistry with one & when the questions about past relationships come up..I did the dumb thing & lied about when my last relationship ended. I told her it ended in Feb 08 instead of 09 but as we grew closer I then started feeling pressured & that she wanted too much of my time so eventually the more I liked her & feeling pressure I told her the truth about my last relationship & said we have to slow down. She was crushed & I was crushed that I hurt her because I really like her a lot & think she's amazing & doesn't deserve to be lied to after she opened her heart to me..I decided to take a personal trip to Orlando alone which was a very sentimental place for me & my ex & if I went there missing my ex The things we used to do there then I knew I should leave my rebound alone but it turns out I wasn't that sentimental at all & was wishing my rebound was with me so we can enjoy Orlando together so when I got back I told my rebound that I miss her & would understand if she doesn't want to date me but that we would be fine as long as we just take it slow with no pressure & just have a good time continuing to get to know each other so she agreed and we are dating happily & if my ex wanted me back now I would not return to her after she dumped me.

[LisaUk]

HI

 

I don't know about the apoligising, he should though! I'm just very aware of how my emotions are all mixed up right now (5 months on) and that I would not want to rush into anything, not just for my sake, but because I would hate to hurt an innocent other. I certainly will be waiting until I feel indifferent towards my ex, however long that takes, which at the rate I'm going, could be a very long time!

 

He was very wrong to do that to you, please take comfort in the fact that this had nothing to do with you or who you are, this was all him being selfish and transferring his feelings. Cruel.

[giotto]

I have... I think it's the least you can do...