pinkdaisey Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I am new on here. My husband and I have been married 10 years. I am 33 yrs old, he is 36. We have two wonderful children. We have had our ups and downs but he loves me and would never cheat and is very loyal to me. I love him too but I am in a bad dilema. Our lives have become nothing much than work and responsiblity. He loves playing his xbox live, softball as an escape, his free time which is fine but he has got to where alot of times he would rather sit watching tv than have sex or be close to me. Alot of times he just plain tells me no, he is tired, it is a work night, etc. etc. I am not tooting my own horn but I am very attractive and I do get told this quite often by other men which causes my "dilema temptation" I have met a very attractive guy who seems like a very good person. He is divorced, looking for a relationship. I have went out with him one time and talked several times on cell and text. He thinks I am um "separated" He lives in a different town than me but not very far. I dont want to cheat I dont think but I am just so confused. I have begged my husband who I do love to show me affection and his only answer is "I do show you affection" all the while he is looking at the TV!!!!!!!!!!! I have even told him he could cause me to want to find a boyfriend and his reply was "well, go find a boyfriend then." But he has also told me he doesnt think I would ever do something like that and he trusts me and he is pretty sure I would never stray!!!!! I dont know what to do it is making me nuts!!!! The guy I met makes me feel the way I used to with my husband our first year or so. I have a husband that thinks I would never be capable of "finding a boyfriend" because all I have ever done in the relationship is work cook and clean while he worked and came home and sat in front of his games or the tv. I know that doesnt rationalize my urge to cheat and I know the guilt will be great if I do but I dont know how to fix this. Any advice?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Tell him you're going to cheat on him unless things change. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 you need to have a serious conversation with him. Turn the TV off, sit him down and tell him you want marital counselling (MC). Don't get involved with the other man. Do you still want to salvage your marriage? Put the necessary effort into it and involve your husband. He is part of the marriage as well. See where this takes you... Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I have met a very attractive guy who seems like a very good person. He is divorced, looking for a relationship. I have went out with him one time and talked several times on cell and text. He thinks I am um "separated" Does your husband know you went out with this other man and talk on cell and text? If not, then what you are describing is an emotional affair. You have already crossed the line. If you don't stop it now, it will escalate to a physical affair. Giotto has given good advice. MC is needed here. If your husband refuses to go to MC, then tell him you will go by yourself to find out whether you want to continue in this marriage or not because your needs are not being met. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 think of it this way, PD: If you skip out now, delve deeper into having an affair by going from emotional to physical, what does that say about you? That instead of tackling the issue head on with marital problems, you run to the first available source of male reassurance. Which will only be repeated throughout your lifetime because you've accepted this behavior as a good way of dealing with things. Do you really want that for yourself? you are going to have to pull your man away from the TV/other escapist past-times and have "the talk" with him. That you're not a damned ghost, that you're tired of being invisible, that you NEED interaction with him on various levels. That if there's a physiological basis to his lack of sexual energy, you two can look into prescription drugs. If you need to steal time away together, you're up for it. That while you're happy he's sure of you being faithful, YOU aren't so sure of it, and it scares you. Make him understand that it's a real problem. in the meantime, stay away from this other man. He might make you feel better, but the both of you are destroying your integrity. And if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkdaisey Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 Thanks for the advice everyone!!! I am going to try to talk to the husband. I have tried several times in certain ways but he always says he will do better, actually sometimes does better for a day or two but always resorts back and it is depressing. He doesnt know I went out to eat with the "other guy" I think if he did it will just tick him off because he will know I am not a joke and then he will pack his and the kids bags and run to momma where she would be waiting with open arms because she simply has tolerated me in the marriage anyway. He has always been a mommas boy and she would bury me in a heartbeat rather than let him feel bad. She always cleaned up his room for him and waiting on him when he was home. I am going to check into marriage counseling and see if that will work. I am not sure what is going to happen. I have so much to lose if my marriage dissolves but I am so tired of being miserable and ignored. Link to post Share on other sites
vangel2 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I am coming from a similar situation & I'm going to advice you NOT to do this, because it is wrong & you will feel guilt later down the road & it's going to tear u up inside. It's going to destroy the trust that you have built between you & your husband, and if your husband is willing, it will take forever for you to build it up again. I had an EA with one my ex over the phone & I told my husband about it bc of the guilt. My husband also read an email I responded to the OM and was furious bc I told the OM I loved him (it was more out of infatuation). He packed his stuff & left w/o a word. I wish I would've done it differently, but like you, I was so desperately seeking for that attention I wanted from my H but got from the OM instead. I wish now, that I would've just told my H that I had enough of his abuse & his inability to fulfill my emotional needs & that I was going to leave if it doesn't get better. I have told my H a thousand times b4 but this time I should've really shown him & packed my things & left. But now, he has this power over me & he's running around calling himself the victim. I have suffered so many years with this man, and I only came to one conclusion during this whole process and that is that he never really loved me. It's not worth it! You need to let him know how u feel~ U didn't cheat yet, but let him know that you're coming to that point because you're not feeling satisfied in your current relationship. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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