and of five years

[mickleb]

Hang in there, revoo. Try not to transfer your feelings onto someone else by getting into another relationship too quickly.

 

Keep thinking ahead. There will be a time when this is all okay. Keep investing in what you do have in your life. x

[revoo]

A firend talked to her. She said she is doing ok. She was surprized that this was a shock for me. That we both need to learn to stand on pour feet separately. And that our personalities are very different and our interest zones also. And that she thinks that I understood that.

 

My question is that why did she drag this this long? Can she realize that this isnt so? After her wasy of thinking only the ppl with the same interest zones can be ok together? She is an artist I am a photographer, she is more spiritual I am more technical, but I felt good beside her and was proud of her (didnt show it :|, stupid me), not the occupation is the important thing, cuz we had fun together, and we had very nice times. She sees things wrongly.

[revoo]

Up and down, my mood changes every 5 min. Didn`t talk to her for a week and a half. I feel better, but i still want her. Don`t know what to do.

 

The vacation was ok, I was impressed by many many beautiful things. But I had my mind always on her.

 

I feel its not over, I have to keep NC, but I feel that it is not over, this is just a stage in the relationship.

 

I get angry sometimes when I think of the thing that she did to me, but I usually calm down very fast, thinking that in some way it was my mistake to, nut just hers. She took the easy way out, but I feel that she is worth fighting for. She cracked under the pressure that she was under in that period, and felt that she needed to do something. She did a bad thing in some way, it wasn`t fair to me, but people make mistakes.

 

I know I must not make any moves, but I feel that the day will come when I can say that I am ready to start all over again. I hope she will feel the same way too, or at least she gives me an opportunity to show her that I am serious this time.

 

I have changed significantly in the past few weeks, but this isn`t all. I must work my way up to be a better person, a stronger personality, a more productive artist and so on. This will take time ofc, but I realized that standing in one spot wont get me from point A to point B and possibly point C. A is what I was in the past, B is me in the future with something to show to the world, and C would be be being with her. This is not a plan, it a wish, that if I am strong enough I can make things happen.

[mickleb]

The longer you take in accepting she has ended things, revoo, the longer you will be in this pain.

 

Sorry to have to tell it to you straight but you are not listening to the advice people have given you here.

 

I know it's not easy. I still have trouble believing what has happened to me. It's very hard. But the longer you hold onto your dreams, the further you carry yourself away from the truth.

 

Perhaps it just hurts too much for you to be able to accept it?

[revoo]

I just cant accept that she ended it. I know what I have to do, and I am doing it. Working out, working, reading, talking with friends, I was on vacation, planing on doing some expositions in the near future and so on, so keeping myself busy. NC ofc is on and I wont brake it.

 

But all those things that happened, just don`t add up to the fact that she ended it forever. I have talked to many friends and all say that it is a bit strange the way she left me. No arguing, all the things she said where contradictory at some point. Anyway, I must wait a long time, get back on my feet and then see what will happen.

 

I know you people want only good for me, and I thank you for your advice. But I just cant take her out of my mind. Maybe I have a little bit of a problem upstairs. Donno. But every little thing reminds me of her. :| Hope it will go away.

[revoo]

It hurts so much. I was wondering around in the museums, and like every 30 min I felt an urge to cry. :| I still have random moments when I see something she liked or something that reminds me of the good days that I feel the need to cry. I never had such an experience before. Like I told in an earlier reply, that I got over the death of my mother much easier then over this. It`s amazing for me to. Just cant think of anything else. Its probably just me, but she is such a wonderful person, I just cant believe that I was such a fool to let this happen.

[mickleb]

Honey - I don't believe that you thinking about her all the time means you're crazy! Gosh, I must think about him 80% of my time, at the moment! (I'm going back to work on Thursday, though, so my days will be filled with - frankly - more important things.)

 

I do think that someone doesn't get over their mother's death easily, though. I think this second loss has opened up the grief you didn't quite go through for your mum. That's not to diminish this loss, in any way. This break-up is also devastating.

 

One of the worst parts about grief is the lack of control. The only control available to you now is how you choose to heal. But before you can (even begin) to start healing, you need to accept what has happened.

 

You will cry in public places. I did this yesterday! (I was wearing sunglasses, which helped but it was still horrible.) This IS horrible. You can't just make it go away. You have to go through it and, one day, you will be okay with it. And you will be a wiser person, too.

 

Carry on with the excellent efforts you have been making. Take each day at a time and reward yourself for every effort you make. Keep posting. x

[revoo]

I broke NC. I know you didnt want to hear this but i did it, on IM. Casual talk. She asked me if its any better and I told her that a little bit. Another thing that she told me that she thought that I was never going to speak to her again, but thats just bs because she knows me very very well, as I do know her. Basically I provoked her to show me a sign if she wants to chat and she did. Probably a bad moove and I will regret it, but I wont have that thing on my mind that I didnt try. I wont contact her from now on, I will wait untill she does something, so I dont seem needy or what not.

[mickleb]

You have tried, revoo, very hard.

 

She is the one who needs to be distraught at her decision and come running, and not stop until you're totally convinced she'll never do it again.

 

You're so far from this place and so close to being 'friendzoned' - she'll lose all sight of you being a romantic partner but just rely on you to be her friend. Is that what you want?

 

Every time you have a bit of 'chit-chat' you're seeming needy to her.

 

Sorry. x

[revoo]

Yes it was a stupid move. Donno how the other one can think that the dumped one can remain friends. And if I remain a friend, isnt there any chance of regaining her love, by showing her that I have changed? Basically that is what she wants, to see the change, well ofc if she doesnt find a better partner.

 

I am very confused, feel like am falling back a bit emotionally, but I keep myself busy. Started to get my sense of humor back. I joke sometimes for the others to see that I am happy, but I make it for them, not for me. Its a crap. I feel lonely again now. I feel that I`m useless. Hope it will be better tomorrow.

[revoo]

She told a friend that she is very happy with the new guy, she thought it would be a short thing but its going well.

 

As for me, I am emotionally at the beginning. All messed up.

 

All because I am stupid.

[mickleb]

revoo - you are NOT stupid.

 

You're heartbroken. It makes people do CRAZY things! You haven't done anything terrible, just held onto false hope because it was so hard to take in what has happened.

 

Bad as it feels now, I can see you are finally ready to take care of yourself. Well done - that is brilliant. x

 

It will get worse before it gets better but it does get better. I promise.

 

Don't do anything for anyone, at this time, except yourself. Sure you've got to carry on at work (if you're working - if not use the time you have to GROW) but do what you need to do to get through this.

 

Try to get out and meet people, even if it's just for a short time but, when you need to go, go. If you can't make them laugh because you don't feel happy, don't. Let other people make you happy at this time. That's what friends are for. Lean on them. If they're worth having in your life, they'll hold you up. Watch movies that help, eat food that you like, make your 'sanctuary' somewhere, somehow and take refuge in it.

 

There are some great posts around at the moment where people have shared how they cope. Funnily, most of us seem to find the same things help. Read them. Be here as much as you need to be. Close the window when you're tired.

 

You have tried your best. You can walk away with your soul intact and now heal.

 

Congratulations. xxx

[revoo]

I was drinking an anti stress tee with a friend, had a chat with him. Talking with him helped much this time. I was really feeling ok, somehow accepting it that it is over. If anything should happen, it wont until I am on my feet, that means at least a year. All was ok.

 

Until I went down with my friend so he catches the bus home. BAM! There she was chatting with a friend of mine. Messed me up a bit, turned my back, walked the other way.

 

Came home saw them again, didnt look to much, was messed up. Drank some more tee. Talked to that friend on IM, told him not to tell anymore about me to my ex, and nothing to me about her. The tee has some good effect, I feel relaxed from it. I made jokes with my friends on IM all night.

 

I still love her, but that doesnt matter now in any way, especially for her.

I am working but it doesnt keep my occupied a lot, I started reading, and have to get a second job of somesort. Or something to get my mind off things. Donno what the tee contains, its natural, and its effective, will drink it till i can say that I am over it.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

I still hope that someday we will still be together, but for that to happen I must get myself together, and she must come to me. And I wont wait for her after how she broke up with me.

[revoo]

I am starting to see her bad sides in the relationship. Nothing that cant be worked on, she is shy, and doesnt express her feelings and needs in a direct way. We both where lazy regarding the relationship, but it went ok for a while. That is why I have still hope in the far future. Donno if she feels the same way.If not than she isnt the person that I thought she was. And that is a little bit unimaginable.

 

The only thing that buggs me now is that how can a sweet understanding person who stayed with me for 5 years and got trough many bad things with me, suddenly go and cheat on me and then lie a ton about it. I had complete trust in her, that if things are ugly that she would tell me. But she didnt. I lost all my trust in her. Someone cant change that fast. She must feel guilty at some point. She is happy now, but will that last? Can people just moove on after they doe something like that after a long relationship like that, that wasnt all bad. She told me she waited for me to change, but she didnt do anything to help me change. Many things she didnt do, like myself.

 

This means that we arent ment for each other? Or does it mean that we must grow more to better understand each other ?

 

The causes of the barkeup where just stupid. I think she was influenced by her girlfriends to leave me and try out other people, who knows, in other words take the easy way out.

 

I am willing to wait a couple of years. That doesnt mean that I will sit and wait, but I will keep her in the back of my mind.

 

I feel sad that we where not grown up enough to work things out.

[mickleb]

I think you might be ready for this, revoo.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

 

It's healthy that you are remembering her faults. That starts happening when you allow your head to speak to your heart, again.

 

I'm glad you've been talking to friends and that tea sounds great!

 

There will be a lot of up and downs for you at this time. The trick is to just go with it. The dust will settle and you'll know the truth. Your head and your heart will be balanced. You will be able to see what went wrong, her faults, your faults.

 

Keep doing all the things that help. Well done. x

[revoo]

Yes, I did read that already a few times. THX

 

I herad this song yesterday

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=homZyFKYxN4

 

made me go crazy, some live performance on tv from vienna jazz festival. It was so beautiful I almost lost it, thought of her, then when I went to bed I dreamed with her. Didn`t happen for a long time.

 

I`m not crying for her, i am chill now. I am thinking differently on the whole thing. I have moved on in a way. Don`t know how to explain. I accepted the whole thing. But she is still there.

 

Donno if you believe me or not. I somehow managed to get it down. But she is still there.

 

I did things in these few days that kept my mind off everything. Helped a lot, will keep on doing them. I am curious if she will still be there in a few weeks. If yes, than I am in deep trouble :|.

[mickleb]

Glad you're a little calmer, now, revoo.

 

Of COURSE she is still there. She will probably be there months from now but she will get further away. Or she will change, in your eyes. Perhaps, not much but enough for you to begin to view her differently.

 

You will not be in deep trouble unless she is still there, as much, in TEN YEARS!

 

Relax. Go with it. You will get low again but you will pick yourself up again. It goes round and round, this thing but, each time, you get a little higher.

 

[revoo]

I ran into her yesterday evening, turned my back and waited for her to pass me. She came to my house then cuz she knew i wasnt home, took some stuff she wanted and left. My flatmate told me she seemed ok, and that she is over the brake up(she broke up with me so thats just normal).

 

And then this morning again I ran into her, when I was leaving for work, she was leaving for work on her bike, I smiled and disappeared around the corner, without telling her anything. It screwed me up pretty badly.

 

Hope she feels a little bad for what she did. Else I will be dissapointed in this world.

[revoo]

I feel a lot worse. I felt pretty damn ok till those encounters with her, now I have fallen back quite a bit. Keep thinking of her and that guy, it just drives me insane. Not really insane but I am soooo saaaad, I cant believe it.

[mickleb]

Ah, sweetheart. I know.

 

This is not an easy thing. It is REALLY hard.

 

You get through it, though and you become a stronger person. I promise you that.

 

I've been through this before and, even though my current situation is really, really difficult to deal with, it is much easier than it was when I was younger.

 

That phrase, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true. And for every difficulty I've had in my life (and there have been a few!), I wouldn't go back and change them.

 

I HATE feeling like this, right NOW but I know, one day I will be a happier person than I was before I met him BECAUSE of it.

 

You ARE now on the path to healing, my friend. Remember - it does get worse before it gets better but it WILL get better.

 

I will suggest that you try some meditation, if you have not yet tried it (along with that special tea you mentioned!) When I feel really lost with all this, I do some breathing exercises and it ALWAYS helps. (Sometimes, I feel so tired with it, I can't be bothered but I know I can feel okay, if I choose to.)

 

Wrap yourself up in anything that's not too unhealthy and get into your own, private sanctuary when you can and need to. This is your chrysallis. You will emerge from it strong, bright, colourful and carefree.

 

Take each day as it comes and remember you are going forward. x

[revoo]

It is interesting and somwhat funny that a person changes in your mind as time passes.

 

I have fallbacks, but I keep going on. Still hope that somewhere in the future i will have a second chance, but sometimes I think that I dont want a second chance. Its still sad, but I managed to move on a little. I still get angry sometimes, and I still cry sometimes.

 

NC is on and didnt see her since then. I hope I will get to the stage where I can be friends with her and see how things go.

 

have a nice day all

[wondering_girl]

hi revoo, completely understand your pain, my bf of 4 years broke up with me without even saying anything, or did he.... i have a post here too, i cry, i'm angry, i want to be off of the emotional rollercoaster fast...

 

it just hurts sooooo bad. the weekends are tough for me cause that's when i usually see him. you're right, i didn't know who i was anymore when he left me we had a petty argument maybe a month ago, talked to him over dinner couple of days ago and he had nothing to say besides he wasn't ready to talk... so i'm assuming that this is it... it hurts.

[revoo]

I ran in to her this morning as I was leaving for work. She was going towards her house. I stopped at the corner, watched her go to her house hoping she would look back. And she did. I smiled and waved, and so did she. (I bought a hat, I never wore hats before, that could be a reason why she smiled.) In the next second I dissapeard around the corner.

 

I feel the need to talk to her, but I wont. It doesnt hurt, its a funny feeling.

[revoo]

Wondering girl, what doest it mean that he isnt ready to talk? why? Its over when you let go of him. I know I didnt let go of her yet, and I wont for a long time. I`m almost certain that she will move away from here next year. If until then I dont get my chance, then I know that it is over forever.

 

No one can read minds, a friend told me that it would be playing life with cheats. You never know what will happen, you only know what you want for yourself.

 

I know I still want her, I also know that I must get myself together and be a man, if I want another chance(that doesnt mean that I will get one, but I cant go on with my life like this). If she ever wants to give me that chance I know I must be prepared and strong. Or for that mater I must be prepared for the next girl who comes along (but I cant think of that right now).

 

I`v learned that its your life, and you do whatever you want, and you must do whatever it is that is good for you.

 

I am half way off the emotional rollercoaster, and that is because I was fed up being sorry for myself and getting on my nervs of my friends, crying all day long, and thinking about what if I did something in the past differently, or what must I do in the future or so on. (I still do it but not that often)

 

I will take things as they come, because I cant and dont want to control her, I have enough trouble with my life as it is. And that is another thing that I realized, why she left, she wanted control over her own life, not the the both of us.

[mickleb]

You're sounding much stronger, revoo. I'm proud of you! Stay happy. x