WhatamIdoing Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 This might seem shallow but it still bugs me so I guess I just wanted some opinions. I have been dating a guy for about 4 months now and he is really great. Hes really attractive and we get along great but I found out something the other day that was just a surprise. He has a hairy back. I just always found this gross and It just don't even seem like it should be on him. Usually you know when someone is hairy. I dont know what to do, should I even be thinking about breaking up with him over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Amberlyn Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 If you didn't notice it until four months into the relationship, I can't believe it'd be that much of an issue. I personally think that even considering dumping a guy because he has back hair is absurd. Then again, if you really can't deal with it, talk to him about removing it. Just don't be surprised if he tells you to jump in a lake. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Oh for goodness sakes! Actually, yes. Please break up with him. Nobody needs to be with someone so shallow she'd consider breaking up with him over that. Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Ummm....I have a little and I feel for this guy. My parents use to bring me out infront of company and they would gather around me and burn it off with lighters. That was before they got drunk- then they would start to use thier cigarettes. After they had thier fun they would tell me to go back to my cage until dinner time. We're such useless creatures, barely human. Such cold soles walking the earth,........Im starting to shiver. Good thing I have a little extra hair. Link to post Share on other sites
ASDFJKL Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Dang. I can understand that it might be a little turn-off, but anything more than that is pretty much ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Don't listen to all them. I completely understand and I think it is ok to be turned off by something little like that. Why settle for less than your idea of perfect??? Even if it includes no back hair. I don't think you should have to break up with him over it though. Why not just tell him that you think a hairless back is really sexy? I am sure he would wax it or shave it then. Just see if you can talk him into waxing it. I am sure he would if you really wanted him to. I don't think you are shallow. I understand. Appearances are very important. Link to post Share on other sites
MR.DONNY Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I TOTALLY AGREE. ITS JUST LIKE IF A CHICK HAS TOO MUCH PUDGE, WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO? IF YOU DONT LIKE THE EXTRA SWEATER ON A DUDE, TELL HIM OR DUMP HIM. MAYBE HE'LL CHANGE Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Why settle for less than your idea of perfect??? Because there is no such thing as perfect and because the quality of the human should mean more than something as superficial and stupid as back hair. But, hey, if you are intent on basing your fondness for a person on whether or not he has excess hair, I stand by my first post - PLEASE dump him. You'll be doing him a great favour. And I hope someday somebody dumps you because you have a zit. Heaven forfend your loved one ever get in a disfiguring accident or have a disfiguring illness; doubtless you'd drop him like a hot potato. No, only find 'perfect' men and drop them once they get a wrinkle. Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme Oh for goodness sakes! Actually, yes. Please break up with him. Nobody needs to be with someone so shallow she'd consider breaking up with him over that. Well said! Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Heaven forfend your loved one ever get in a disfiguring accident or have a disfiguring illness; doubtless you'd drop him like a hot potato. No, only find 'perfect' men and drop them once they get a wrinkle. And, of course, expect the same in return. Be sure not to gain a stretch mark or an extra 5 pounds if you end up having a child with the man you love at some point. Back hair is a minor disfigurement compared to these grotesquenesses. Link to post Share on other sites
aquaria127 Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I think this is a good option for you, because you're considering breaking it off with a guy over the amount and location of his body hair: Tell him you want him to get waxed so you are not grossed out and he can keep dating you. Ha! like you don't have stubble or stray hairs on your upper lip, butt crack, legs, eyebrow or cooch, zits, hangnails or any other "defects"! Once you fix all your own stuff and become perfect enough to date yourself, then you can think about dating other people. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Well, you haven't been dating that long, you are not in love with him, or made a commitment to him. That doesn't necessarily mean you are shallow. We all have little quirks or idiosyncrasicies that bother us. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with them. If you were really in love with the guy and wanted a long-term or lifetime commitment then it might seen shallow and something that you might want to overcome. Even then, if it bothers you - it bothers you. We all have different deal-breakers. If you want to keep moving forward with the relationship then you need to decide if this is something you can accept. You might even offer to shave his back - some people find saving each other erotic. If this is something that you can't get past, then for both of you, you should break up. I don't like bushy eyebrows and periodically I chase my husband down and pluck those horrid eyebrows that stick out beyond his glasses or begin to trail across his forehead in an effort to become a unibrow! I'm not a fan of a hairy back either and it used to gross me out to some extent. Maybe calling it a "major turn off" would be more accurate. Anyway, as my husband is balding and more and more hair appears on his ears, nose, and his back - I tell him it's because all the hair is falling thru his skull and popping out in other places! His hairy back bothers him too - claims it itches - so I do shave his back for him. I don't find it erotic and it's not a fun chore, but it doesn't bother me any more. I love him and love changes perceptions. Sorry if that was too much info. Your post reminds me of an old Seinfeld episode. he was dating a nice woman, everything was great - except she had "man hands" and he couldn't get past that. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 wow the first story ive heard of back-hair....Now im starting to really wonder if bigfoot really exists after all?? I think you already know in your heart what you should do. If he doesnt do something about that hair then you should at least hint to him to get rid of it, if he doesntl isten then just tell him straight out that you find it unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 i agree that if your first thought was to break up, not to talk him into removing it, you should break up. obviously he's not worth enough to you (four months isn't too shrot a time...) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatamIdoing Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 Ok, well, I guess I like him alot. The thing is, I have not confronted him on the issue. Infact, I think he trys to hide it. He does shave it because thats how I found out, it sort of picky when we were having sex. I dont want to be shallow but its just the pressure of society and stuff I think. Theres always those jokes and my friends always would make jokes about it. I mean, not about him but just in general in the past. Im trying to do the right thing. I just dont know. It would be hard if my friends made fun of him. I guess I don't really want to break up with him in my heart but should I bring it up and tell him I know. Im not sure what how he would react. Oh gosh- this is so confuseing. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 advise him to wax it, maybe. you'll be doing him a favour. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 It would be hard if my friends made fun of him. How are they going to know unless you're all going swimming? And anyway, just because your friends are shallow or cruel doesn't mean you have to be. Look, I had myself a hairy fellow. Thought I wouldn't like it at all. Turned out it was kind of nice - soft and fuzzy to the touch. If you actually care about this guy, then this is a good opportunity to stand on your own two feet, make your own decision, and stick by your guy. It's hard to find a good guy. Don't lose one over something this silly. Link to post Share on other sites
Amberlyn Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Originally posted by WhatamIdoing I dont want to be shallow but its just the pressure of society and stuff I think. You're joking, right? The pressure of society and what your friends will think? Get a backbone, girl! Decide what YOU like and don't like, and act on that instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme Because there is no such thing as perfect and because the quality of the human should mean more than something as superficial and stupid as back hair. But, hey, if you are intent on basing your fondness for a person on whether or not he has excess hair, I stand by my first post - PLEASE dump him. You'll be doing him a great favour. And I hope someday somebody dumps you because you have a zit. Heaven forfend your loved one ever get in a disfiguring accident or have a disfiguring illness; doubtless you'd drop him like a hot potato. No, only find 'perfect' men and drop them once they get a wrinkle. No, there is no perfect in this world....that's why I said don't settle for less than YOUR idea pf perfect. Everyone's idea of what is perfect is different. Maybe your idea of perfect is a good personality, sense of humor...etc. Maybe this girl's idea of perfect is a not-so-hairy guy. And there is nothing wrong with that. If that's what she wants, she shouldn't settle for less than that. I didn't. And I hope someday somebody dumps you because you have a zit. Zits go away, and everyone gets them....so that's not even the same. Heaven forfend your loved one ever get in a disfiguring accident or have a disfiguring illness; doubtless you'd drop him like a hot potato. That's so absurd, moimeme. It doesn't even relate. The original poster and her hairy guy have only just begun started dating. I am sure if she truly loved him, it would be different. But they just started. Give the girl a break. Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Are you perfect and if so, whats your number? Actually forget about it, my womans a yetti and we have a great time braiding her back hair. She doesn't seem to mind my hunchback and the fact that I drive a rusty Datsun. Link to post Share on other sites
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