dg136 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 She cheated on me with a guy for about 8 months...She was my fiancee of 6 years. We have been living in different cities for 2 years. She said that she loves me so much but that she is not in love with me anymore. She says she wants to get the love back and she is willing to sacrifice the life she has to come live with me in this city so that she can fall back in love with me. Is it that easy? Can we just work on this and have her love me again as she used to? We are really compatible and I want to give it a chance but I dont know if its the right thing to do.... Can it work? Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Do you really want someone that is willing to cheat on you for 8 months? If you two get married you will have hard times again, can you really believe that she won't do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 My impression is that things did not work out with the other guy and she's feeling needy and wants you to validate her. It sounds like she took you for granted and wasn't all that into you for a while. She's already proven she's capable of lying and cheating and disrespecting you. And she's said she's no longer in love with you. It doesn't seem to me to be to your advantage to give her another chance. There are so many women out there who you will be compatible with who will value you. You should of course do what feels right to you. However, chances are if you're posting here you don't feel right giving her another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Oh, and one thing I believe is that when someone cheats and the other person lets them off the hook it gives the cheating partner the knowledge that they can do whatever they want. It subconsciously tells them that what they did was okay, no matter what they verbalize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dg136 Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 My impression is that things did not work out with the other guy and she's feeling needy and wants you to validate her. It sounds like she took you for granted and wasn't all that into you for a while. She's already proven she's capable of lying and cheating and disrespecting you. And she's said she's no longer in love with you. It doesn't seem to me to be to your advantage to give her another chance. There are so many women out there who you will be compatible with who will value you. You should of course do what feels right to you. However, chances are if you're posting here you don't feel right giving her another chance. She says that she wants what we had back.... that the love that she had for me was the most she has ever felt but she thought that the distance was never going to end so she started closing up to me.... It wasnt the things didnt work out with the other guy.... He was married and his wife caught them and told me.... Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 You can give it another try with her if you want to. But I wouldn't. Not in a million years. Firstly, it's not as though she had a drunken one-night stand -- she deliberately deceived you for eight months. Secondly, she's given you a pretty clear picture of things: she gave you the ILYBINILWY speech. And now she wants to get back together with you? You'll be trying to recapture the "in love" feeling while knowing that she had another guy balls deep in her for eight months while claiming to be committed to you. Why would you want to make a life commitment to a person when there's already a massive shadow hanging over it? Marriage is hard enough at the best of times. Yours would be crippled from the start. Thirdly, she screwed around with a married guy, i.e. she had no problem being a homewrecker. That should tell you a lot about her moral compass. And, as you yourself observed, it didn't end with him because it just didn't work out -- it ended because his wife found out. Which means if his wife HADN'T found out, she'd probably still be porking him. Run from that one, and don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
loveslife Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 She says that she wants what we had back.... that the love that she had for me was the most she has ever felt but she thought that the distance was never going to end so she started closing up to me.... It wasnt the things didnt work out with the other guy.... He was married and his wife caught them and told me.... I guess getting back together with you is better for her reputation than telling everyone it didn't work out because you dumped her when her married lovers wife told you about them. C'mon... she was cheating on you with a married man! She was letting some lying cheating man do her. Of course you still have feelings for her but she was deceiving you for eight months. Whatever she's telling you now I can see you're telling yourself some doozy of a pack of lies. It's understandable, you're bonded to her. But I know you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 She says that she wants what we had back.... that the love that she had for me was the most she has ever felt but she thought that the distance was never going to end so she started closing up to me.... It wasnt the things didnt work out with the other guy.... He was married and his wife caught them and told me.... So basically if they hadn't gotten busted, you'd still be off living your life totally in the dark while your fiancee screwed a married guy behind your back..... Yeah, I'd say this one is not worth the effort. And why would you ever trust her again? Must we repeat that you wouldn't even know had it not been for the wife busting them and telling you? It's not like she even got a dose of conscience and couldn't stand lying to you anymore. She got caught! Now she is freaking out about possibly not having you OR the lying cheating married man! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 She says that she wants what we had back sorry, thats never going to happen. even if you stay together and it seems like love on the surface, it won't be what you once had. bottom line, she is now someone that opened her thighs to another man while committed to you. What do you think will happen if all of a sudden she decides that she fell back in love with you, but got that 7 year itch and all of a sudden fell out of love again and cheats again? best to cut your losses. she is not to be trusted. and now there is a huge imbalance in your relationship, and I don't think you will be able to really have a great life by staying with someone that can so callously betray you like that. but if you think otherwise, then have at it. good luck with that. that the love that she had for me was the most she has ever felt but she thought that the distance was never going to end so she started closing up to me.... It wasnt the things didnt work out with the other guy.... He was married and his wife caught them and told me.... she thinks she doesn't have a connection with you because of the distance, but she latched on to a married man? Uh........ok:confused: not only did she cheat on you, its obvious she doesn't respect someone elses vows.......so don't expect her to respect her own. huge mistake my man if you think you should still marry this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 did she ever tell you WHY she cheated, and don't accept loneliness as an excuse---plenty of partners are apart and don't spread their legs for others. Only reason she is back with you is she got caught. Also how tough have you been on her about this, if you are too easy about letting her back, the ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER is gonna come into play. If she truly loved you, she would not have had an affair. You need to look elsewhere and find a woman who will stick with you thru any situation, and they are out there. Link to post Share on other sites
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