delajoonal Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 yesterday i was a poster child for 180 and moving on... today, i can't stop crying...i just want to scream as loud as i can... I WANT MY HUSBAND TO COME HOME..NOW!!! please:lmao::lmao:please.... why can't i just get thru this and have everyday like yesterday...? i just want to move on...something keeps bringing me back... i guess i truly still love my H so much... ok, no mean responses please..i am way too fragile today... just TLC..please:) hope you are all having a better day than me..so far:o p.s. please feel free to post tears and pitty pot stories here... sometimes we just need somewhere to post our tears:lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 yesterday i was a poster child for 180 and moving on... today, i can't stop crying...i just want to scream as loud as i can... I WANT MY HUSBAND TO COME HOME..NOW!!! please:lmao::lmao:please.... why can't i just get thru this and have everyday like yesterday...? i just want to move on...something keeps bringing me back... i guess i truly still love my H so much... ok, no mean responses please..i am way too fragile today... just TLC..please:) hope you are all having a better day than me..so far:o p.s. please feel free to post tears and pitty pot stories here... sometimes we just need somewhere to post our tears:lmao::lmao: A) You WILL get better, it simply takes a long time 2) Your husband is unworthy of you and your undying dedication D) We are all your friends here, and we know that we can get through it together Link to post Share on other sites
trueblue72ny Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 its normal to go back and forth. i feel the same way. one day i am ok, the next i am lost. now the days i feel ok i try not to get too excited about it anymore because i feel like its going to be that much worse when i rebound. so im trying to get myself to some kind of even flow here. so hang in there, im in it with you. and a lot of others are here for you also! what i wouldnt do for a little piece of mind.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 thank you lupa... thank you for reminding me and for caring... i know there will be a day when me, you, lisaUK, tojaz..all of us will be whooping it up somewhere celebrating our freedom... p.s. what the heck does whooping it up mean..LOL Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Dela, I know how bad you feel right now, I know how hard this is... try to concentrate on the man he is now, not the man you loved. Think of all the nasty, horrible things he has said and done, remember what he said last week? Think how he betrayed your love with that OW online, how he was so addicted to gaming you never got to spend time with him. Time that you deserve, b/c you are a fabulous person! What an idiot your H is, spending time playing video games, when he had you waiting for him!???????????????????? You deserve better, you know it, I know it, we all can see it. Think of those nasty things and get mad, kick this guys b**t to the curb. I know you can do it, I can hear the strength in you when we PM! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 thank you lupa... thank you for reminding me and for caring... i know there will be a day when me, you, lisaUK, tojaz..all of us will be whooping it up somewhere celebrating our freedom... p.s. what the heck does whooping it up mean..LOL Actually Dela, you're right there! I'm kind of done I think, as strange as that may sound, perhaps I will backslide I don't know, but right now?...... I couldn't give a f**k about my ex. I've woken up, read my thread if you like! Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Actually Dela, you're right there! I'm kind of done I think, as strange as that may sound, perhaps I will backslide I don't know, but right now?...... I couldn't give a f**k about my ex. I've woken up, read my thread if you like! lupa channeling Gunny: OOOOOO-RAAAAHHH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 lupa channeling Gunny: OOOOOO-RAAAAHHH!!! Thanks. LOL Thing is Lups, I really mean it, I DID love him, but I've had my eyes opened and I can see now that he wasn't all that I thought he was, there is so much better out there, I just didn't see it before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 ahh....truly, lisa, lupa..thank you! lisa, you are sooooooo right..i have to keep remembering how awful he was to me just last week..ya, you are right..... truly, i think you may have something there...not getting too excited about the good days. so you don't crash on the bad days...some kind of even keel right...? that is what i need to do too.. this is what tojaz was saying, i can get mad/angry, BUT i have to start really getting IT out and too H too...i have to stop being so sappy...dang it, that is ALL i can think about is the good times...even when he was just so frickin' mean to me and could give 2 sh**s whether i live or die, literally..last week was horrible.. oh, but i let a few NICE phone texts, and convos on the phone cloud my judgement and get me all mushy and sappy and sickening again..crap! hmmmm...to bad we can't just pick up where we left off BEFORE they came along..LOL that would put me with a very handsome yummy man i adored...hmmm..wonder what he is up to these days..LOL..ya right dela...15 years later..LOL ok...i am just really lost today..can anyone tell..;0 Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Hey Dela. I'm having a crappy day too...'cept all my days are crappy right now. I will probably be posting some tears on my own thread soon. Just wanted to tell you that I know how bad the pain is. I'm not glad that you're going through this, but I'm glad that I'm not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 Thanks. LOL Thing is Lups, I really mean it, I DID love him, but I've had my eyes opened and I can see now that he wasn't all that I thought he was, there is so much better out there, I just didn't see it before. i feel the same way..most times...but why then do we still get so sad and miss them? i keep thinking of the man that treated my like a princess and adored me for years...and keep pushing the thoughts of what he has done and become the past year, out of my mind..WHY? what are your thoughts on that lis??? since you have discovered you no longer miss HIM, do you miss the what could have been? or what was? what keeps our hearts in this place? and if we did reconcile...really? how would that work...does it work? told you i am a mess today...i am all over the map:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 ya, me too Broken...i am not glad we are all going thru this..but its nice to not be alone..exactly:) i will watch for your post today;) until then....feel free to shed some tears on this thread, K Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 dela, you're going to be fine. we all are. 2 months ago me, tojaz, lupa, lisa... we were all absolute ****ing wrecks. shells of the people we once were. we're all coming back to the light. i've noticed laughs, even from you, have been WAY more frequent than before. stay strong. hold all of our hands. we're in this together til the beautiful end. Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 hmmmm...to bad we can't just pick up where we left off BEFORE they came along..LOL that would put me with a very handsome yummy man i adored...hmmm..wonder what he is up to these days..LOL..ya right dela...15 years later..LOL I'm not rubbing it in, dela, but instead saying that it is possible. I found my ex girlfriend who I dated just prior to meeting my wife. Seven years have passed since we had any type of communication...and I ran into her one night out (all played out in my apart and shaken thread). Thing is -- I had to learn the lesson that each crisis is actually an opportunity. You may or may not run into that guy, but you will most certainly run into someone. It will take some work, some effort, on your part to just get the strength to recognize the chance. You will be fine, and I'm sure of it -- there will be a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Hey Lupa. I haven't been able to read your entire thread...but how did things end with the previous ex? My ex I think is becoming very distant. Not good at returning calls or emails...totally pulling away, not being very respectful of my feelings right now. Can tell she doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see her (or at all maybe). Other than this behaviour now she was a great partner. How did you guys leave things all that time ago? Link to post Share on other sites
lupa Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Hey Lupa. I haven't been able to read your entire thread...but how did things end with the previous ex? My ex I think is becoming very distant. Not good at returning calls or emails...totally pulling away, not being very respectful of my feelings right now. Can tell she doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see her (or at all maybe). Other than this behaviour now she was a great partner. How did you guys leave things all that time ago? Without derailing this here...she was on the outs of a relationship where he hit her one night when he was drunk. I saw it, my friend and I went after him, police showed up and we bolted because I was drunk and had my car running in the parking lot (young and irresponsible). So she and I were together for a while, but I found out they were contacting each other still, and I said to her I would help her with anything she needed, but she needed to completely cut it off with him. He hit her! I found that she hadn't fully stopped talking to him, not seeing him, but calls and things. During that time she wasn't taking my calls so much, probably because I was pushing, but she'd keep in touch. So I wrote her a very long letter, got her favorite flower, and left it for her at her work. That was it, I was done and moved on. I ran into her periodically over the years, but we could never talk or anything. Then, three and a half weeks ago I got blown off by my wife and called some buds. They took me out, I saw her there, and it took a full hour for me to walk up to her. When I did...well...it was wonderful. I'm not saying I went no contact or whatever on purpose. I poured my heart out, was upset for awhile, and then moved on. Seven years later...here I am. Amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Hey Lupa. I haven't been able to read your entire thread...but how did things end with the previous ex? My ex I think is becoming very distant. Not good at returning calls or emails...totally pulling away, not being very respectful of my feelings right now. Can tell she doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see her (or at all maybe). Other than this behaviour now she was a great partner. How did you guys leave things all that time ago? i can tell you this. she feels you are being the exact same way, and she's only going to get more distant the more you try. heed the 180, and no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 i feel the same way..most times...but why then do we still get so sad and miss them? i keep thinking of the man that treated my like a princess and adored me for years...and keep pushing the thoughts of what he has done and become the past year, out of my mind..WHY? what are your thoughts on that lis??? since you have discovered you no longer miss HIM, do you miss the what could have been? or what was? what keeps our hearts in this place? and if we did reconcile...really? how would that work...does it work? told you i am a mess today...i am all over the map:( No I don't miss him, the what could have been or the what was right now. I really hope I keep this feeling and don't backslide! Why is this? Well, I think, you have to accept that your H has not changed as such. What he is and what he has done has always been a part of him, somewhere, you either just did not see it or he did not show it or the conditions were not right for it to surface, BUT, IT IS HIM. Like Lupa said (I think?), people show their true colours in the most difficult times. In other words the man you loved was not all you thought he was! In my case, I can also see now that he had a huge problem with intimacy and that there is so much better out there. Lupa is right with what he said, not necessarily your ex, but there will be someone, someone who will treat you well and love you for you and the way that you deserve to be loved. You can't see it now, but it will come. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 No I don't miss him, the what could have been or the what was right now. I really hope I keep this feeling and don't backslide! Why is this? Well, I think, you have to accept that your H has not changed as such. What he is and what he has done has always been a part of him, somewhere, you either just did not see it or he did not show it or the conditions were not right for it to surface, BUT, IT IS HIM. Like Lupa said (I think?), people show their true colours in the most difficult times. In other words the man you loved was not all you thought he was! In my case, I can also see now that he had a huge problem with intimacy and that there is so much better out there. Lupa is right with what he said, not necessarily your ex, but there will be someone, someone who will treat you well and love you for you and the way that you deserve to be loved. You can't see it now, but it will come. this is right. hell, you don't NEED it now, but it will happen. slow and low. just like cooking a pot of soup. takes a lot of slow and low and TLC before it's properly cooked. you're getting there dela. just being able to see the 180 working proved to you that you're getting there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 mrmay...thank you for such nice words...really, it made me smile:) thanks everyone for reminding me i am not alone and i have you all..we all have each other...exhale dela...exhale;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 lis... ok, long session with therapists today..after these posts...YOUR last post, above, really stuck in my head...about H being THIS PERSON all along.. and you know what..you ARE RIGHT... in my session today, i was able to bounce stuff off my doc..and discovered, how VERY passive aggressive my H is..and how he was SOOO darn good at it...and it was something i hated in his mother, don't get me wrong, i love my mother in law, she has been amazing to me..but i hated that trait in her, the passive aggressive crap...it was very strong and very noticable in her..and all along..it was in my husband all alont too..i just kept compartmentalizing it...you know? gosh, so much stuff came rushing back in my session today... so once again, sweet lis.. you saved the day..LOL..no really, like i said, those words really stuck with me..and really made me think, is my H just this MLC monster or has it always been an under lying personality?...well, BOTH actually...the MLC just brought out what was laying dorment for his entire life.. i hope one day H finds a happy middle and happiness..i really do.. it prolly won't ever be with me:( i have to find a way to be OK with THAT...BUT, because he always took such good care of me..really, and our son...i can't hate him...i just wish he would get help and finally be at peace and NOT so darn angry at everything... thanks again lis...and everyone...thank you:) gnite Link to post Share on other sites
Author delajoonal Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 p.s. lupa..i am thinking of looking up my X the yummy one before my H..LOL no kidding..i have been thinking about him for some time now... i wonder what he is up to...can't hurt to just take a peek..right? if he is M or in a R, well, its OK...at least this will be something to do besides sit here and mourn (sp?) my separation... p.s.s. i am getting my hair done this week aND doing the whole spa treatment..me and my bff...finally, i am starting to do something FOR ME...got some new sandals...lol..now i am heading to the spa and well...LOOK OUT fella's...here i come...LOL (what a dork i am ..LOL) Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 lis... ok, long session with therapists today..after these posts...YOUR last post, above, really stuck in my head...about H being THIS PERSON all along.. and you know what..you ARE RIGHT... in my session today, i was able to bounce stuff off my doc..and discovered, how VERY passive aggressive my H is..and how he was SOOO darn good at it...and it was something i hated in his mother, don't get me wrong, i love my mother in law, she has been amazing to me..but i hated that trait in her, the passive aggressive crap...it was very strong and very noticable in her..and all along..it was in my husband all alont too..i just kept compartmentalizing it...you know? gosh, so much stuff came rushing back in my session today... so once again, sweet lis.. you saved the day..LOL..no really, like i said, those words really stuck with me..and really made me think, is my H just this MLC monster or has it always been an under lying personality?...well, BOTH actually...the MLC just brought out what was laying dorment for his entire life.. i hope one day H finds a happy middle and happiness..i really do.. it prolly won't ever be with me:( i have to find a way to be OK with THAT...BUT, because he always took such good care of me..really, and our son...i can't hate him...i just wish he would get help and finally be at peace and NOT so darn angry at everything... thanks again lis...and everyone...thank you:) gnite Dela, The way to be Ok with that is by accepting that there is so much better out there. It takes time to be open to it. For 13 years my wife was the ideal, she had no flaws and was the only woman I had ever dreamed of being with. Thats not the case anymore. I look at new possibilites and see that theres a lot more to be had. Things i didn't even know I was missing until they are put in front of me. It sounds like your starting to see that. There are flaws that you would rather not be there. The way he has treated you is unacceptable and you know it. Celebrate the good times but also accept the bad. While he can't be honest about the marriage history you can. Your answers are there! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
WTFO Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 what keeps our hearts in this place? and if we did reconcile...really? how would that work...does it work? told you i am a mess today...i am all over the map:( I find myself thinking the same thing. Why do I STILL hold on to this woman even though she said she hasn't loved me in 2 yrs? She's with another man and happy, still I can't seem to just move on. Reconciliation? How do you trust her again. I HIGHLY doubt it will happen, but how does it work???? Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I find myself thinking the same thing. Why do I STILL hold on to this woman even though she said she hasn't loved me in 2 yrs? She's with another man and happy, still I can't seem to just move on. Reconciliation? How do you trust her again. I HIGHLY doubt it will happen, but how does it work???? I would think, as I don't know personally, that it would require a lot of MC and time to rebuild the trust. She would have to return on your terms and show a complete dedication to change. You will be surpised though, one day you will not want this women anymore, you can't see that now b/c it hurts and you still love her, but as Gunny says This to shall pass, just takes some time. Link to post Share on other sites
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