LDR with married co-worker

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I recently got involved with a co-worker. We are separated by many miles - I'm in the midwest and he's in the northeast. Not only has this become a LDR w/ a co-worker ... but he's also married.

 

Our work brings us together somewhat frequently b/c our careers include much travel. We exchange private, personal emails, talk on the phone ...

 

We have this unreal connection ... so many common interests, talk very openly, attraction ... I feel like I've known him forever and he says the same thing.

 

Too complicate matters, his wife also works for the same company. Although I've never met her.

 

He claims to be going through the things that we all do when we are contemplating divorce. He swears that I am not a consideration. Says that the reason he hasn't left before is apathy ... staying in the comfort zone ... afraid to be alone ... says he was going through the decision process prior to our involvement.

 

I had a similar relationship (w/ another man) when I was going through my divorce. So I understand the ego boost & all that.

 

My questions:

Getting involved with a co-worker - good thing? bad thing? could it have a future?

 

We live in opposing regions of the country - could this have a future? I'm not sure if I'm willing to move. I doubt he is ... could it have a future?

 

A married man - does it ever work out???

 

Friends with benefits ... does anything good ever come from it?

 

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did it turn out?

 

I'm really confused ... I want to talk with him about these things - but am also scared. I trust him - maybe it's myself that I don't trust. I hate to sound like a needy woman ...

[Arabess]

Getting involved with a co-worker - good thing? bad thing? could it have a future?

Many relationships begin in the work place. I wouldn't find that part of the relationship as being anything but normal.

 

Falling in love with a married co-worker though.....ewwww....that can really come back to bite you. Read some of the other posts on here regarding this same type of issue. It's a no win situation. If you get caught....VERY few people you work with will be sympathetic towards you. You'll end up standing alone feeling stupid.

We live in opposing regions of the country - could this have a future? I'm not sure if I'm willing to move. I doubt he is ... could it have a future?

With all the "internet" meeting and dating....I don't think a LDR has any less of a chance of working out than originally meeting in the same area.....especially if you are willing to relocate.

 

Chances are...he'll discourage the move. He will not want you any closer in distance to his wife. You are "safer" for him if you stay where you are at.

 

A married man - does it ever work out???

Seems as though some do....IF he leaves his wife. Chances are though....he isn't . If he was unhappy in his marriage....he would probably already be divorced. I had a friend tell me once "Yeah, you are everything his wife isn't....and she is everything you will never be." I was mad at her then. But time....has proven her to be filled with great wisdom.

 

I would suggest you tell him if you are his "soul mate" to get a divorce, then you will relocate...then you will date him. If he isn't willing to do that.....you'll just have a broken heart in the end anyway. Sure, you'll feel your situation is different. BUT....you'll find you are just another woman who fell for a man who meant it when he said it....but never followed thru.

 

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How did it turn out?

See above. Married Men are unique creatures who have the tendency of always finding their "dream come true" between the sheets. As the relationship progresses.....you'll find you are only a "co-dependent" with his wife to a complete psychopathical liar. It feels like the "truth" when he says it.....cause he's so confused with commitment....he really believes what he is saying and feels justified BY saying it. In the end though....it's just a bunch of crap.

 

Save your heart and your job......and MOVE ON! (I'm not saying this in a cold way.....I'm saying it with all the conviction I have in me!)

[DJ-TK]

It all seems so complicated.. Far, married, co-worker man....

I think you should do nothing but wait for him to divorce. You don't wanna end up with a broken hurt 'cause he was just confused. Wait for him to start doing stuff rather than just planning them. Even him talking with his wife about this option of getting divorce can give you a sign he is serious. LD's are tough, but if you really want the relationship, you can work it out... About the fact his a co-worker, many people find their love ones at work, it is common and so, I don't think it should worry you....

 

You asked something about "friends with benefits", I believe it can be OK, as long as you don't have feelings for each other, which in this case, is irrelevant since you are obviously have strong feelings for him...

 

GOOD LUCK !

[Fandango]

I can totally relate. I am head over heals in love with a married man I used to work with, and he lives 14 hours away. All logic tells me "Don't be a schmuck" But I just can't end it....not yet. I do know he has told his wife about me, but I have no idea where that will lead. I guess I'd kind of hoped after being apart it would kind of dwindle...but it hasn't, quite the opposite has actually..realistically I know I will just end up hurt, sitting here waiting...turning down offers to go out and have fun with single guys..but I can't help it, all I have to do is hear his voice, and I am dazed. Quite out of the ordinary for me, I usually drop men like dandruff, but this guy *sigh* has me hooked.