hmmmm Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Hi Everyone! I was wondering if all of you guys could give me your opinion about my wierd relationship I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half and we've only been on one date....which wasnt' even much of a date. We were friends for about two years before we started dating so we're comfortable around each other. I don't know if he's just really shy (which I think is cute when guys are shy) or if he just doesnt want the commitment. We usually hang out once a week and then maybe either talk on the phone or in person for like 10 minutes another time during the week. Whenever we hang out or talk on the phone, its b/c I initiated it. 9 times out of 10. When I call, he doesnt act like he doesnt care or hes busy, he actully sounds glad that I called. And If he doesnt answer when I call (usually b/c he's sleeping), then he calls back within 5 minutes! And there are times when he gets stuck at work and either can't make over or something then he just doesn't call. I don't know if he just doesnt want to feel as though he has to report in or doesnt want the guys teasing him. Sheesh! Guys, can't live with them and definately cant live without them! Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 What do you mean you've been "dating" him for a month and a half -- but have only been on one date? Do you mean you've been sleeping with him for a month and a half -- but have only been out on one date? If so, I'd say you're not dating. You're f*** buddies, aka "friends with benefits." There is no relationship, per se. He doesn't call you because he doesn't want to take responsibility for initiating your interactions, lest you think that means he wants a relationship. But of course he's happy for you to call him. If you're looking for a real relationship -- and it sounds like you are -- I suggest that you stop calling him. And if he eventually calls you, wanting to "hang out," make sure that's all you do -- just hang out, don't sleep with him. I think sometimes people think that they can slip past someone else's determination to not have a relationship by allowing them access/favors (not just sex) that they would only receive in the context of a relationship. In other words, let the relationship grow up around them without them even realizing it. The strategy, I think, is that when they finally recognize that they're in a relationship, they'll realize that they like it after all, and it was what they wanted all along. I think that's a naive strategy that probably works infrequently at best. I'm a big advocate of honesty. If you want to be his girlfriend, or at least have a real "dating" relationship, you need to make that clear to him. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Midori said: I'm a big advocate of honesty. If you want to be his girlfriend, or at least have a real "dating" relationship, you need to make that clear to him. Ditto. Link to post Share on other sites
aquaria127 Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I'll tell you basically the same thing I told a friend of mine whose situation sounds similar. I guess it must be pretty common. Do not contact him until he calls you first -sorry for the gender roles stuff- but a woman does not chase a man. a man chases a woman. To me, it's not 'playing games.' you have to make it known what you want with him! Link to post Share on other sites
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