lukewarm Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 So here’s the deal. This guy and I, yes this is one of those - about a girl having troubles with a boy. Anyway, to make it short we’ve known each other (talking, flirting, hanging out) for about 8 months now. We started out definitely just as friends. There were underlying issues such as him just recently getting over a 3-year relationship he was in, I was seeing someone else then that ended, then he was seeing someone else and then that was over. And about more than two months ago, just our [bad?] luck we were both single, not seeing anyone else as far as I was concerned. We started hanging out more, a month later we became intimate sexually. Here is a key point: we never established what we are/were, at one point we were saying we enjoy each other’s company, we both like each other, but that we were only “friends”. Three weeks ago he went out of town for vacation, he got back in last week I didn’t hear from him until yesterday (I didn’t try contacting him when he got back - I have learned about guys that if they want to talk to you you’ll hear from them, if not then not and so I applied that practice). So he texted me yesterday..we texted back and forth a little bit until no response from him…Now very early this morning, he texted me responding to the last text I sent him from yesterday…In the middle of the text, he squeezed in saying that he was with “the gf” that was his words and his phone was at home. “THE GF? WHAT THE ****?” i thought in my head, that bomb of a text was way too early for me when I read it, he never mentioned anything about “the gf” up til now. Where the hell did that come from? I feel fooled and stupid and hurt. Did he have that girlfriend the entire time I was fooling around with him? I am beyond pissed off if that was the case, I am not that kind of girl. Did it just recently get serious? So he fools around with me and make someone else his “gf”? Also another thought crossed my mind, he could be just making this up so I would get serious with him, I have told him before I did not want to be more than friends (not because of him it was just that I don’t want a boyfriend in my life right now). Could he be lying? If that is the case, then he’s an immature child (that’s so stupid and childish, so that can’t possibly be - just a thought). My trouble is, I don’t know what to say to him, he expects I’d still talk to him and be friends because now thinking about it that’s all we really were by definition. I wish I just didn’t hear from him at all, why did he have to, was it like - “oh hey i’m still alive why am i not hearing from you but ps. ive got a gf now! you lost your chance booyah!”???? I am confused at the moment, you want what you can’t have bull**** seems to be at work here. I still am considering staying in touch with him minus the sex definitely, I’m just not sure how I should go about things. This turned out long, but I just had to get weird feelings off my chest. Thanks if you actually read from beginning up til this point. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
anamac Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 and it sucks i know. i never wanted to be the bootycall. when i was in this situation,i continued to talk to him and hang out,even though i knew he was in a relationship.DONT DO THAT.i wound up ten times more hurt than i did in the beginning. i think what you should do (what i would do if i had the chance to do it over) is end it.do not contact him.if he asks why you havent talked tell him that you need someone who can give all his attention to you. dont continue to see him if he has a girlfriend. you'll end up more hurt and have issues between you and his current girlfriend. i know its kind of long,but i hope that it helps some. just remember that you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Look set your boundaries and STICK to them, 'cause it doesn't sound like you want to be his booty-call (sometime you both gotta step back from the passion & decide your wants and don'ts). Otherwise i can only see this dance getting ugly! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukewarm Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 and it sucks i know. i never wanted to be the bootycall. when i was in this situation,i continued to talk to him and hang out,even though i knew he was in a relationship.DONT DO THAT.i wound up ten times more hurt than i did in the beginning. i think what you should do (what i would do if i had the chance to do it over) is end it.do not contact him.if he asks why you havent talked tell him that you need someone who can give all his attention to you. dont continue to see him if he has a girlfriend. you'll end up more hurt and have issues between you and his current girlfriend. i know its kind of long,but i hope that it helps some. just remember that you deserve better. You're right, no one wants to feel like just a booty call! I have honestly told him a bunch of times that that's not the kind of girl I am. One night we talked about hanging out, he decided he was first going to be having drinks over at a friend's place with a few others then he asked if it was ok that we get together after. That didn't really ring good to me, so I told him straight up he can have a good time with his friends but that I would assume he only wanted me and us hanging out that night as a booty call if he doesn't pick me up before midnight. He texted me the entire night while he was there and he picked me up on time, he did make it before midnight, sometime just after 11 he did. We went back to his friend's place and I met his friends and we all had a good time. Now what baffles me is that why would have he gone out of his way that night to make sure I don't assume he sees me only as a booty call if that was in fact the case? Did he just do all that to put on a front? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukewarm Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 Look set your boundaries and STICK to them, 'cause it doesn't sound like you want to be his booty-call (sometime you both gotta step back from the passion & decide your wants and don'ts). Otherwise i can only see this dance getting ugly! I made it clear to him from the get go I did not want to be his booty call. One example is posted from my previous response before this. Did he just disregard me telling him that completely? Could you please elaborate more if you don't mind. So you're telling me to talk it out with this guy? Or telling me to move on? Regardless, if he in fact already has a gf now, I don't want to get in the middle of that..but yet I don't mind staying in touch. Wtf is right Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Sorry if i wasn't clear. I'm saying you have decide if he is really worth keeping as a friend - only YOU will know. If you do then you'll have to talk to him and gauge if he wants this too (obviously no sex). Otherwise you gotta move on... Personally, i can never be friends with someone who uses me (intentional or not). Especially, if (a) Cheating on his current gf or (b) Lying he's got a gf. I wouldn't want someone who's dishonest as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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