Gamine Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I wish my husband had a bunch of nice women and men to 'talk' to when he was in trouble. I am happy NS that you found friends here that helped make the things you were going through ... make sense. And.. more importantly that with good strong shoulders you made the right choices. I am very happy for you. You did some crappy things in your marriage, but you are being a good man. Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Most family and friends do not know about our marital troubles from last year. Most still say they take "inspiration" from us. . Ditto here. In our case, it will destroy them if they come to know. I want to do this more than anything FOR my husband. But for me as well. For our marriage. very good thinking on your part taylor. I wish you both the very best on a fresh start. taylor, i was following some of the posts here...it is ok to ignore some, you don't have to always defend yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 i guess my question is if you sit here and say how sorry you are and that you realize your bs is so caring and loving and that you can beleive you did this to them and you want your m to work, dosent it seem ridiculous to be expending time and energy on the op still when you should be focusing on only your bs? You mean , like how YOU expended money on gambling? all the years of lies to your wife (you cheated practically from the beginning of your marriage, right? 11 years!)? all the hours you spent on the internet to maintain your cyber love? all the emotions you exhausted on your most recent affair? I think before you make that statement- how you don't get it...I think you need to fix yourself...you have a long way to go...re-read your posts in June-you are only 2+months post-affair. Relapse is not uncommon. You have an addictive personality-if not gambling, the "good" feelings you experience in an affair, it will be something else..... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 tami, he's in counselling, MC and IC. He IS fixing himself and his marriage. He is fully aware of what you've pointed out and wants to change and is willing to do whatever is necessary to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 I understand that, wwiu. But for him to SEEM to have this "I am better than that ws" because he is able to let go of his OW soon, is nothing because the problem is not about his ow, the problem is OP has always had some type of addiction replacing another. So yes, he is on "remission" from gambling, but replaced it with cheating, so now he is on a less-than-2-month remission from his most currrent affair and he thinks he is on a full on road to recovery? No, he is unrealistic. There are so many factors in his life and about his marriage that could just throw him off the track. Not less about them is the fact that he has always said that he settled(married) for his wife because he needed her at that point in his life. He is lucky his long-suffering wife has stood by him all these time. So yes, I commend him for being on IC,-not that he has a choice about it-the man's life was crumbling around him. OP knows exactly what he needs/needed to do EACH time his addiction is about to be found or found or about to blow up on his face. It is the same routine he has always done-he goes on a very remorseful stage, beats himself up, then beats other people up for not being lke him, then becomes comfortable and the cycle starts all over again. I think this, "I just don't get it why otherrs....etc.etc" attitude is part of the little game his plays with himself. Talk about fog. Sorry OP but you have a long way to go, concentrate on YOUR healing. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 NS - - Where are you? I've been gone for a week & looks like this thread was hi-jacked? Everyone is talking ABOUT you....But I've tried to catch up by reading a few pages - a bit difficult - but I don't see any responses FROM YOU. To comment about coming here without the knowlege of your spouse.My husband knows I post on a forum & from time to time I run ideas by him...He doesn't know the name of the forum etc. Is LoveShack part of FULL DISCLOSURE to your spouse after an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOTSURE7 Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 I am here, i just have alot going on in my life,a death in the family and it became exhausting to keep on defending myself against others.. I was back and forth with taylor and misty for a bit and Just when i thought i had it back on track on here another ow tami showed up and i just dont have the energy to defend myself right now and the reason i came to LS was not to have to defend my need for help and the road to recovery i am on..my recovery here is not easy and to have to sit and defend myself all day just makes it worse...so i am not posting right now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 NS...sorry for your loss man...take care of your priorities...don't worry about what goes on here. Don't sweat defending yourself. Everybody has different takes on all topics. I don't always agree with every word you say...but so what...that's what makes us individuals. Take care of your family and yourself. Keep strong with recovery...don't let these disagreements trigger you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NOTSURE7 Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 NS...sorry for your loss man...take care of your priorities...don't worry about what goes on here. Don't sweat defending yourself. Everybody has different takes on all topics. I don't always agree with every word you say...but so what...that's what makes us individuals. Take care of your family and yourself. Keep strong with recovery...don't let these disagreements trigger you. thanks Di, they dont get me down and i understand fully that people have different opinions and i can take it, i actually want to hear what all different people on all different sides have to say, its the personal attacks on me and my rebuilding efforts that get to me, especially when alot of people here are hypocritical in there posts... Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 thanks Di, they dont get me down and i understand fully that people have different opinions and i can take it, i actually want to hear what all different people on all different sides have to say, its the personal attacks on me and my rebuilding efforts that get to me, especially when alot of people here are hypocritical in there posts... I feel you...I think we can all forget that there are real people behind those keyboards when we read words that upset us. However they can't take away what you have been able to do. I too struggle with theses demons, and yes you are a baby in recovery...but those first steps are the hardest to take and I commend you for taking them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 NS, do yourself a favour, put all three on ignore and continue posting, that way you won't see what anything they say (as long as noone else quotes their posts, you're safe)..Anyway, don't let afew people run you off of this place, especially since most who are replying to you, are helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
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