yes Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 I'm just at a total loss... I hate my life... and myself... i can get myself together and go through the motions most days, but i'm really fallen apart inside... i was half-asleep for 19 years until my ex woke me up, and as some of you know from my numerous posts, dumped me twice after short episodes of dating. i don't blame him, rlly. and i just cannot move on. i get better, and then i see him - and that's it, my heart pounds, i freeze, i don't know what i'm saying, all i care if where he is, where he's looking, what he's saying, etc ... so i leave after five mins... i think/hope i didn't show how fallen apart i am. every time i see him, i compare his life to mine, myself to him, and he wins with an enormous advantage. he's got two businesses going, a great gf, a close family, everybody loves him... i've got a job i keep on thinking of quitting, no bf or friends, only a close family, which is the reason i'm alive today. i know all this comparison is ridiculous but i just can't help it when i see him or hear about him. i'm so freaking tired of all this, i rlly wish to just fall asleep and be done. i don't see what makes it worth it to get through all this. i don't know if it's the ex, or i'm plain mentally ill. i don't think being as affected as i am by him can happen with a healthy psyche. sometimes i fantasize about revenge - but i don't think i could possibly hurt him back the way he hurt me - he simply doesn't care, hence is immune to anything i do. anybody have any ideas as to where to go from here? like i said, i'm OK most days, because i make an effort to be. but if i relax and let myself be myself, this is what comes out - the obsession(love?) with the ex, hate of myself, questioning of what makes it all worth it... i mean this is absolutely ridiculous - it's been almost a year, and i still cry every time i see him... and i hate hate hate myself for being like this... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Yes - the brain and our biochemistry are completely intertwined. Stress can actually change the brain. It may be that you have become clinically depressed or that you are close to being so. There's no shame in that. You should see your doc and ask for a full evaluation. Tell doc that you are stuck in these thoughts and how badly that is affecting you. It doesn't mean you're stupid or weak; it merely means your body and brain may need a chemical boost to get back on track. You could benefit from counselling, meds. or a combination of the two. This happens to lots of people, and the most courageous thing to do is to get it diagnosed and treated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 i am in counselling - for over two months now. perhaps i should go to a psychietrist & get some meds... but i don't want to go through all that... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 its possible that you might consider seeing a shrink, if you cant resolve your physiological/psychological state of mind why are you thinking so much and comparing so much to your ex?? do you still have feelings for him or seomthing?? or compare/despise him in such a way cause he broke your heart in the past?? if your ex is still your good friend, then you should be happy for him! i suggest you not put too much thought/crae into someone else's life, look into your life for a change and make the best out of it!! look towards the positive side of life and things you can do to imporove it!! this is no rat race. you were once part of his life and now things are over!! he's moved on with his life and is continuing striving through it, you should not look back, but instead look towards what your future holds!! being envious and jealous wont accomplish anything!! you are your own doorway to success in life. ONly you can make your future happen, dont compare yourself to anything and think any less of yourself!! you're as capable as any other woman/man in today's world to make a change and difference....REMEMBER IT'S WHAT YOU MAKE OUT OF LIFE. His world does NOT revolve around you. You make yourself revolve around the world hm..maybe hearing this in person will defintely do some good compared to just reading it...damn..i just realized im starting to sound like dr. phil...thats the most enthusiastic/positive thing i ever said to cheer someone up...scary!! aaaahhh Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 Yes, you don't have to go to a psychiatrist to get medication for depression just make an appointment with a regular doctor and she/he will listen to you and probably begin to offer you some help. The trouble with being depressed is you lose contact with what is normal. It's the "Been Down So Long, It Looks Like Up To Me", syndrome. Do yourself a favour and visit a doctor. The things you are saying really suggest quite serious depression. When not waking up becomes a pleasurable concept you do need some experts on your team. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 i don't know what i'd tell my family doctor though - that i'm obsessed with my ex and don't see a point in living? she's going to tell me to go take a cold shower and go on with my life. i guess i'll wait 'til i see my counsellor and talk to her about it. trouble is, i usually happen to see her when i'm pulled together - i meant i've told her i wanted to just fall asleep and not wake up, and we talked about it & came to the conclusion that i simply don't have enough connections with people, and i went off thinking "allright, i'll make more of an effort to make friends, and all will be well". but now i see all won't be well... anyway, thanks for your replies, guys. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 she's going to tell me to go take a cold shower and go on with my life. She better not; that'd be malpractice. Yes, why don't you print out your post to us? Take it to your counsellor and/or doc. Clancy's right - you really ought to consider meds. Sometimes you simply can't kickstart your bunged-up chemistry through talk therapy alone. That's the whole thing - the biochemistry needs chemistry sometimes to put it straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 moimeme, i'll print what i posted and take it to my counsellor. i'd never say what i wrote in words, especially in somebody's presence ... i'll ask her if she recommends i try meds. thanks - now i've gotta live at least 'til Wednesday, lol. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 16, 2003 Share Posted November 16, 2003 now i've gotta live at least 'til Wednesday, lol. Damn straight, girl - and then some Things WILL get better. Depression is a liar that persuades you they won't which is why you have to beat it into submission. If that takes meds, so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted November 16, 2003 Author Share Posted November 16, 2003 yeah, it has to get better... somehow, at some point... i did smth absolutely crazy just now - i emailed my ex and let him know that i miss him - i feel so relieved. i said i don't expect a reply, just wanted to let him know. i may regret it later, but for now i'm relieved... life's crazy. thanks for your time and advice, everybody, esp. moimeme, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflyX Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Yes, I have felt just like you about my ex-wife before so I know what you are feeling. Don't compare your life to other people's. It's pointless and you don't know everything that is going on in someone else's life. I know the feeling of waking up every morning and going to a job that you don't really enjoy just to be able to pay the rent with nothing else to look forward to. It seems really empty compared to when you were building a life with someone and the future seemed full of promise. You just have to take pleasure in the little things. Go for a bike ride in the park. See a sunrise, read that classic you've always wanted to read. I was confiding in a friend about how empty I felt after my wife left me and he told me that only I could fufill myself and make myself happy. He told me that I couldn't look to someone else to make me happy. I think he had something there. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
VZWOP Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Yes, I understand the feeling. It's that feeling of life being worthless, and you just don't wanna live anymore, but you know what?? Nobody is worth you wanting to stop living, nobody. I ended a 3 year relationship about 3 months ago, and felt just like you, but I'm alot better now. How? Very simple, you gotta put some effort into it, and realize that nobody is that important, but yourself. Two little tips that might help ya out. 1. Try to block your ex completely from your life, because everytime you see him, and "compare" lives, you're just hurting yourself. Like I said, I know from experience. It has killed me somewhat to know that my ex is enjoying a new job, in a cool place, and has already met someone, so what do I do? just block it out, it helps. PLUS, you don't live with him to know what his REAL problems are. A lot of people's lives seem great from the outside, but they might be a lot worse on the inside. 2. There's a book by the author of Men are from mars, women are from venus, that has to do with breakups, divorce and death in relationships. I picked it up one day at Barns and Nobles, and read it. Not a bad book, and it might help ya out a lot. Hope this helps, wish ya the best of luck, and just be strong, you'll be just fine. As you can read on this website, this kind of thing happens to alot of people. I know that doesn't solve your problem and the way you feel, but it reminds you that you're not abnormal, but one more human being trying to find happiness, and you will find it, just have faith Link to post Share on other sites
longlegzs80 Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 I feel like you. Just the same feeling of going through life day in and day out with going through the motion and I find nothing to enjoy. What I suggest to you is start going to the gym. I am a strong believer on not taking meds and doing everything possible to help myself overcome this depression that I have had for years. But that is up to you. I do know exactly what your going through and it is very very sad. I can't be much of help to you though, because I am working on myself and with us having the same feeling, I probubly won't be the most positive. Just take care of yourself. Try figuring out things you enjoy and doing them. Don't go through everyday with going through the motion of life. Because it sucks and I know first hand. Also, my suggestion is try to meet and be around positive people. It will make life so much better and worth living. You need some happiness in your life and trying to figure out what will make you happy and want to live life to the fullest. Take care of yourself and do everything possible to figuring out what will better yourself before you decide on taking any meds. Take care. SARAH Link to post Share on other sites
C1 Posted November 22, 2003 Share Posted November 22, 2003 You have to realize that there's still life outside of relationships, that no matter if somebody loves you or not, there's still you, and the world around you, which is beautiful. I think the best feeling in life is not being in love, but being dumped or mistreated by someone you love and still be happy, that is a real victory, a real independence. You see, they are them, and you are you, no matter how much inseparable two people might seem. People will come and go, and the only one who is always there is you and the world around you. Besides you don't know what's expecting you, may be something good is coming to your life, you can never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted November 30, 2003 Author Share Posted November 30, 2003 i guess it's ideal to be happy on one's own and even more happy with a close companion ... i think it's all more difficult when you're young... because you're going through your first losses, learning to deal with them; you don't know how to pick the people you date very well, so you go for the rlly wrong ones and don't catch the red flags; other parts of your life aren't stable yet - no clear-cut career, no financial stability, very likely general mental vulnerability. on the other hand, the naivete' and the energy make everything that happens so sharp, it's amazing. i saw my ex once since then, although we didn't talk, and it didn't really bother me (hurray!). i still sometimes mistake people for him in the street, but i think i'm getting better. thanks for everybody's replies! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted November 30, 2003 Share Posted November 30, 2003 - Yes Was this man your first love? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted November 30, 2003 Author Share Posted November 30, 2003 Vivid, scary question, but thanks for asking it! I don't really know - he may have been. In fact, yeah, he was. I had boyfriends before him, but it never took me over 2-3 months to get over them. He made a way bigger impact... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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