BraveGirl Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I don't think I can bear this pain any longer. My ex (of a month) has been across the road all weekend at his sister's flat. I have seen him through the window (don;t call me a stalker please!), and I know every second that he is a minute away. I have done all the wrong things; found reasons to go outside incase he is there, tried to talk to him, even have talked to him. When we did, he was so rude, compassionless and simply not very nice. I asked him if we could just be polite to each other and be friends of sorts, and he made me feel that I was wasting every second of his time. But he did give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek (I think I asked for it). I hurt physically knowing that he is there. I'm also appalled at his unpleasant rudeness, and am trying to think 'How dare he talk to me like that'. He must know he is behaving in a hurtful way, so is he just not a very nice person. I'm left feeling that I'm the bad person, but I've just tried to be friendly. I honestly think that the hurt of his hostility is now stronger than the hurt of missing him. I just want him to be polite and thoughtful, it's not much to ask is it? But now that I have made several attempts to talk to him, he can say that I have pestered him. So I've lost again. By trying to be friendly I've no doubt driven him even further away. I wish I could just feel angry and decide I don' like him anymore, but you know how whatever someone does you still miss the other them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BraveGirl Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 I forgot to say - he is still there and will be tomorrow at least. As I go to bed now I can see the light on where he is. What do I do? It hurts so very much. I just want to say hello. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 You'll feel worse if you do. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Originally posted by BraveGirl I have done all the wrong things; found reasons to go outside incase he is there, tried to talk to him, even have talked to him. When we did, he was so rude, compassionless and simply not very nice. I asked him if we could just be polite to each other and be friends of sorts, and he made me feel that I was wasting every second of his time. But he did give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek (I think I asked for it). I hurt physically knowing that he is there. I'm also appalled at his unpleasant rudeness, and am trying to think 'How dare he talk to me like that'. He must know he is behaving in a hurtful way, so is he just not a very nice person. Welll ... I hate to say it but yeah, you're bringing this on yourself. Your ex has every right to visit his sister without having to feel like he's obliged to have contact with you. It's unfortunate that you were aware of his presence at her place; I can understand how, once alerted to it, you were unable to ignore him. But you were harassing him, asking him to interact with you when he didn't want to. He probably went there hoping you wouldn't notice he was there. When you did, and made it known, he was probably hoping that you wouldn't expect him to chat. So he was curt and cold. And the more you lurked about, the more he felt the need to curtail you. I'm sorry you've had to go through this. You just need to pretend he's not there. It's obvious that he doesn't want to talk to you. Break-ups are hard for both people. The more you push him to interact with you when he doesn't want to, the more he will resist you. You've just got to let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I totally agree with Midori. You will hurt, probably for a long time, but don't make it worse than it has to be. Perhaps next time he is at his sister's you should go visit a friend or relative just so that you don't have to be tempted to look out the window or go over there. I'm sure he's having his own struggle with the situation too and perhaps one day you two will be able to be friendly - right now you need to get out there and doing things for yourself. The better you feel about YOU, the better your life will be. People notice a healthy happy person and they want to be around that kind of person too. If you are sad and worrying and hanging on you are just going to bring yourself down and get increasingly depressed. You'll get through this. Be positive and hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I'm left feeling that I'm the bad person, but I've just tried to be friendly. I honestly think that the hurt of his hostility is now stronger than the hurt of missing him. I just want him to be polite and thoughtful, it's not much to ask is it? Why? For what purpose? Your relationship is over. You have nothing to do with each other any more. What you do is none of his business, and what he does is none of yours. I know its hard to let go and be "strangers" again - but you must. By trying to maintain any kind of contact with him is only going to hurt YOU. You want him to be polite and thoughtful. Why? What difference does it make? He is your past - you are no longer in a relationship. In that respect - yes it is too much to ask - you shouldn't be asking anything of him and realize that he owes you nothing anymore. Yes, it's easy for me to say that now. I do remember what it feels like to break up and how much effort it takes to let go totally --- but its the best thing for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bob Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I can understand this 100%. My ex lives 3 doors up the road from me and I often see her with her new b/f, and yes, it does hurt. Every time I am going to the post box, take the dog for a walk even cutting the grass I see her or worry about it. He will be gone soon, then you'll be back to normal and it will be fine. Keep yourself busy, don't speak to him. It'll be fine as long as you don't make any contact. but really... keep yourself busy. You will be fine Keep busy J Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 I would've found some great looking guy to come hang around MY PLACE a few days....laugh alot....make sexy noises....and make the EX feel miserable. Well....maybe I wouldn't. But I certainly would've contemplated it!!!! I think human nature always feels like if they could get the ex to talk to them one more time....or see them....things would change. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. Take the high road....and avoid him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BraveGirl Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 Oh dear everyone has said what I admit I don't want to hear. I still maintain that it is adult to be able to be friendly and polite. I don't think I've been harrassing, just waved and said hello. I also don't go along with the idea that we have nothing to do with each others lives. Maybe as far as a relationship goes that's true, but I say again, why not be nice to each other? When you have spent 2 years together, shared an awful lot, etc etc there remains a remnant of intellectual involvement at the least. But there is another side to this that I have written in other threads; his sister and he are adopted and have a strange relationship in which she is consumed with jealousy if he has a girlfriend. For some reason she has set out from the start to spoil our relationship, very much a case of him having to choose between sister and girlfriend. He does open the window and talk for a minute but gestures that he can't because she's there. I just want to be friends with everyone, regardless of relationships! Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 Any chance of moving to a new location? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BraveGirl Posted November 17, 2003 Author Share Posted November 17, 2003 I've actually thought of moving! But there is a crowd of us here who all used to be good friends, and i really feel that his sister and him have poisoned the atmosphere. It feels so sad. What;s more I came back from working overseas to be here with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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