Caught In a Jealousy Rut

[allan131]

I have a concern I need to address, and feel like talking to some other people besides my girlfriend about the issue. My girlfriend and I have been together 6 and half months or so. We have a kinda full time/part time relationship, due to watching her kid every other week (which is new to me, and slowly becoming a full-time/most time relationship.)

About two and half weeks ago, I accidently came across some old personal “stuff” between her and her ex (father of the kid,) and not knowing read part of it. Typical what to you tell a person when you’re together, but she no longer feels that way (I still think he might have feelings for her.) It didn’t really bother me but the message got put in a mental note, then like 2 weeks ago, I came across the issue of her deleting all his text messages. (they still communicate because of the kid of course, but also since both people are now dating someone they have tried starting a friendship.) But the deleting of messages got me worried out, and I tried not to address it but one day, I brought the issue up in an argument… which sort a eased my calm about it, but at the same time she was kinda pissed it was getting me jealous. Then she got the kid back, and a few times when she got texted messaged I half joked that it was from him (I still wasn’t over it.) But **** really hit the fan this week, when she started seeing old guy friends more, and not paying the same lovey dovey attention I was getting before all of this started. Also she’s been saying things to me, that have been bugging me. Like some guy told her “I can’t believe you’re dating that guy.” Like an insult to my looks or something, because he didn’t know me at all. Which pissed me off, and made me that angry sorta jealous mood.

 

Then the last two nights, she’s been on a website for meeting people. Ok cupid is the website. Which can be meeting friends, but by the name is obviously for meeting more then just making friends. Well our time is limited together, because of the kid, but she’s been spending the last two nights sending messages and talking to guys on this website. She says she tells them she’s in a relationship, but I’m a guy, and if I met a cool girl on a Ok Cupid website, I think there was problems in the relationship and try to make a move. That’s just how guys are. Well when she’s on there I get pissed. And it’s probably not the most well behaved I am, and my fits aren’t exactly sexy, but I have a problem with her being on there. It’s not cool. I know I could probably handle it better, but I new she had an account on there before we met, and she kept in touch very rarely with a few people, which is fine, but she’s talking to more and more strangers and I’ve been keeping a closer eye and I don’t like it.

 

What am I suppose to do?

 

We’re taking some time off, because we got in a huge fight about it tonight, and I know my jealousy won’t just go away unless something changes. I’m not always a jealous person. First 6 months were fine. But I’ve been cheated on before and don’t want that to happen to me again, so when I see a warning sign, I freak out. I don’t know what to do about it, and when I talk to her, it sounds like it’s my problem and my freak out about her doing this, is a jealous fit. (because of the fit I had about her ex, which kinda got resolved.)

 

I don’t know what am I suppose to do? Part of me, has lost trust and confidence in our relationship, but I don’t want to end it. It’s not worth that. How do I fix this?

[Thaddeus]

The old note (or whatever it was) between her ex and her is not relevant.

 

The sudden deleting of text messages and her perusal of a dating website most certainly is relevant.

 

If you have a look through this website, you'll see a pretty common pattern. By and large, women have a tendency to 'check out' of a relationship long before they actually drop the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" (or other inane excuse) bomb.

 

This is exactly what's happening here. She's already checked out, she may even be seeing someone else, she just hasn't told you yet.

 

Take control back. This relationship, as it is now, is completely unbalanced. She gets your time and attention plus the time and attention she gets from the fellows on the dating sites. You get... well, you tell me... what is it that you're getting?

 

Personally, I wouldn't stand for it for a second. She's either with you all the way or not at all.

 

If you're asking what I would do, I would make it crystal clear that she has a choice to make: this relationship, or cruising dating sites. There's no middle ground.

 

Because right now you're being played.

[TaraMaiden]

Yup.

 

What he said.

[allan131]

thanks i guess. my gut was feeling the same way. Only problem is, I don't think making my stance gives our relationship the best chance. I might have to wait a few days and make my stance. I'm kinda in the dog house about this whole jealousy issue.