How do I stop this train wreck. Long

[Shutterb]

Okay bit of history. We have been married 9 years, together 17. relationship was great for first 4-5 years and we then fell into a rut. Not bad by any means but just resembling more a friendship than relationship (read as lack of intimacy). Thought it was because no wedding bells… got married and had 2 kids. Not much change. I had always wanted more than she wanted to offer. 2, 3 and even 4 months could go by without sex. Well I always hoped, then hinted and then to nearly begged for it until she finally gave in time after time. Quite miserable in my book but fine in hers. I have just got used to it but always resented it. Kids obviously slowed it down even more.

Where I was seeing opportunities in our schedule for time together, she would seem to look to sabotage them Just as an example, getting the kids to sleep early would be interrupted by her, what appears to me, intentionally waking them up. She would set times to be together and then she would be to tired and push it off… push it off again,,, and again until she had a real reason. So frustrating to say the least… While I would stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning waiting for her to come home from a night with the girls.

 

Well a few months ago she changed. Open and intimate like when we first got together. Both agreed that it was the best our relationship had ever been. That lasted about a month. Now back to the same cycle. She does not want it…. I want it too much… She does not want to show me affection as to not lead me on… I am on eggshells to not show too much affection to push her away more. I can’t stand the old us without affection. What to do? It’s driving me crazy. What happened that month, what happened to stop it? How to get it back? I have tried to ask but she says nothing has changed. She still feels the same way… It just that our daughter got injured July 5 and more recently her stomach has been hurting… Daughter issue is questionable because it was not a serious issue and only tool a couple of minutes a day to bandage… Stomach… yes I understand this but then I see her with friends acting normal as well as working out.. (maybe a little selfish here but If she can work out, then why can't she be with me) I used to call this her weekend illness. Not her stomach per say but always somehting.

 

Now we have had several fights about this since… mainly because I just do not want to go back… I want the girl I fell in love with 17 years ago. One fight she stated that she was afraid that I was going to leave her… If that is the case then why is there no sign of her fighting to keep me? In another fight she says she does not know what I am wanting and does not know what to do. ( today actually and obviously after she read my feeling below)

 

I seek help on another similar board… I left it up on screen and she found it over the weekend… opps. Initially she was outraged that I posted something about us online and that I felt that way. Should not be a shock to know how I feel cause she has heard it all before. Guessing she did not take me seriously. Well I told her that it is just as well that she read it. Now I do not want her reading replies so I deleted it there and re-posting something similar here.

 

After cooling off she understands and states that she is the one that needs to change. I asked her what I need to change and she said nothing besides to watch my drinking( and yes it is worse now since I am so depressed) But that she is the problem and needs to make changes. I told her that I want to be a priority in her live the way I make her a priority in mine. She says that she loves me and that she is more in love with me than ever. But I just do not see it anymore.

 

Let me make a note that I am involved with the house, the yard, the kids, the cooking and the like equally if not more than her. We both work the same hours at the same company as well. I try to make her happy in everyway I can. To me our relationship is top priority and next is our kids.

 

Well I have seen some attempts of change… forced and as a second though which I can understand. I guess. I just don’t know if her words are just that or if there is something else going on… I have been trying to act upbeat and uninterested in sex (I say trying for a reason). I actually have begun to work out and work on me lately…

 

Just today at lunch. She kept asking what was wrong with me… I finally stated that she knows exactly what is wrong. She said what is that… Told her that nothing has changed with how I have been felling… so she goes right on the defensive about sex… ugh… If I am happy, then she does not feel I need anything from her… If I am upset, then she feels resentful that I do need something from her. At least that is how I read it. I love her and our kids so divorce has never been an option…. But what can I do to stop me from that path…

[Vet]

If you want her to change, you need to find out what's wrong. Badgering her for sex will not make her want you more; in fact, the opposite. What does she say when you ask her about the reasons for her decreased libido? Is she depressed? How old is she?

 

I think you're taking the right approach. Give her affection and attention, but don't press the issue of sex. Work on yourself, and give her back the chase. Make her pursue you.

[giotto]

a few random thoughts here...

 

there seems to be a serious underlying problem in your relationship with your wife. She tells you that she loves you, but she pushes you away. Funnily enough, this is exactly what my wife used to do and the more I insisted, the worse it got. I finally managed to establish that she didn't love me like she used to anymore (read, I don't love you anymore, I care for you, though). Maybe she's gone off you, but she is trying to keep the family together. She's not being very smart, though, because she is not giving you enough sex!

 

It seems to me that you communicate well enough, but you still don't understand what's really going on. May I suggest MC?

 

To cap it all, it could be so many things... maybe it's just matter of her having a very low sex drive, or she could be having an affair, perhaps an EA....

 

In my opinion, when things get to this stage it's very difficult to fix them...

[Shutterb]

She is 36 and I am 40. This distance has been there for a long time... We spend probably to much time together,,, working together and all. We have the same friends and such. One change that is the only thing that I point to as the increase in libido hints to an EA. In a word Facebook. She got together with high school friends and went out several nights with them. Sometime I went and others I did not. But one of her old girl friends seemed to revive her old self. This started the great period in our marriage, or at least is the only thing I can point too. Yes could have been an opening for an EA but I don't think so. I think it just made her feel young again... But she has gone out with "the girls" on occasion before without this same outcome.

 

Again our problems are not new. Maybe to her because I just suppressed my feelings believing this is how my marriage is to be. To her she was happy go lucky as is... acting selfish until I showed enough frustration for her to give in. So the actual problem is me finally feeling like she desired me again and not wanting to go back. And I told her how good that made me feels. I may be selfish here but I don’t think so... I fell I have given too much for too many years.

 

I try to communicate well but she has always been defensive and when she feels threatened she either goes on the attack or just gives up. She rarely gets into honest constructive communication no mater how hard I try.

 

I feel I am overreacting but at the same time I feel I want more out of our relationship... Should I just go back to sex once a month or 2 or 3... Or am I right in expecting her to give me more of what truly makes me feel like I am loved?

 

I have always thought she was sexually dysfunctional,,, but she enjoys it so much when we do it. How can I increase her libido? The only way I know how is to work on myself to the point that she feels jealous. But is that good either?

[Shutterb]

The suggestion of MC just made her mad... Again because she thinks everything is great.

I have asked her what caused her change in June and she sais "nothing changed" UGH.

[giotto]

The suggestion of MC just made her mad... Again because she thinks everything is great.

I have asked her what caused her change in June and she sais "nothing changed" UGH.

 

 

she is not giving you a reason about the sex thing?

[Shutterb]

She is giving no reason for the increase desire in June... Lots of excuses for not wanting it. stuff that just does not make sence. For example the " I am tired" .... but then still get hooked to a movie that keeps her up for another hour and a half.

In the past when we really got into it it would always be turned around on me... " If I am not into it than I am just not into it tonight... And why can you not respect that fact" So that has always distance us... If and when she wants it, she gets it... But if I want it, it is only if she is willing and the moon is in proper allignment LOL... Again it goes back to the fact that she KNOWS what I want and knows how to make me happy, but just does not seem to care enough to provide it... But does not want to loose me at the same time...

 

I want to make a stand here and push my point to get what I feel in important in a marriage.. I told her that I want her to Want Me. I want her to desire me. I want her to initiate thing. I want her to work on making me as happy as I feel I am making her.. I think she hears me and then the next day it is like she is oblivious.

[Vet]

It sounds like you need to insist on marriage counseling. If she shuts down when you tell her what she needs to change, then an impartial third party could help her see what you need. If she refuses to go to counseling, you need to ask her if this is really how she wants the remainder of your marriage to be, if she's happy with that and if she would be happy knowing that you are unhappy in this marriage.

[giotto]

yes, I agree... unfortunately, you will need to insist on MC, since she is not prepared to discuss the issue properly with you. She owes you that. Well, she owes it to the family. Unfortunately, you are where I was about 12 months ago... very similar situation. We went to counselling and it was a disaster. Sex dwindled even further. I said I would pack my bags and magically sex was back on the radar, about once a week/10 days (which is ok with me). If you get to this stage, though, you will have to come to terms with the fact that she is probably only doing it to keep you there, i.e. pity shag... if you can bear it...

 

Finally, I can still smell an EA...

[Shutterb]

Thank You Vet.. I will work on ME right now and see what can be done for her Stomach... It is a ligitamate issue. It had caused problems before and we thought it was her galblader but Dr's could not find anything... But since she can work out and ride bikes, just not 100% it is not jsut being used as an excuse.. But I will give her that one.

 

Any women like to speak up on this question? Is my desire for change ligitamate or should I just fall back in line and be a good little soilder? How important is it to you to make your H happy and do you go out of your way to do so... If deserved that is...

[Vet]

or should I just fall back in line and be a good little soilder?

 

You already know that this is not an acceptable solution. You only on this planet once, so why live being miserable? Change it.

[Mz. Pixie]

I do not understand why some women don't get the fact that when they reject their husband in that way, the man feels that is a personal act. It affects how he feels about himself as a man and every aspect of his life.

 

You get married and ask a man to promise to only have sex with you the rest of his life? Well, he actually expects to have sex.

 

You are not asking too much. For her to just come out and basically tell you it's too bad is not acceptable.

 

Is she still going out with the "girls" Smells like another man to me. Are you positive she's not cheating?

 

You're going to have to have a conversation with her and be mature instead of pouting when you don't get your way- that's unattractive. She feels that when you are affectionate you want sex- and you do, it's not her imagination. Have you tried being affectionate and doing things for her without expecting anything in return???

 

If you have I suggest a variation on this

"Honey, I love you and I want to be happily married to you for the rest of my life. I'm not happy now and you know the reason why. It's not fair to carry on in a relationship if you are the only one who is happy. I deserve to be happy too and need certain things from you in order for that to happen- just as you need things from me to feel loved" "To make our marriage all that it can be I think we should see the help of a marriage counseling. If you're not willing to do that then I'm going to have to think on what my options are" Do not point the finger solely at her- do not make it all about sex. Make it about making the relationship better.

 

You do not have to say you want to divorce- only that you are going to explore your options. At that point if she is still going to refuse you and not do anything to improve that then you have a couple of choices.

 

1. Stay in a sexless marriage where you're not getting your needs met.

 

2. Decide to move on.

 

She doesn't get the benefits of being married- financial support- help with the kids- etc without putting something in herself.

 

As a side note have you googled marriage builders? They have a proven system based on the concept of a love bank that can help couples meet each others needs and fall back in love again. They also have phone counseling available and a marriage builders weekend that I believe is worthwhile.

[Shutterb]

Is she still going out with the "girls" Smells like another man to me. Are you positive she's not cheating?

I am pretty sure. Just no time. I know she felt good about going out. And it was something we used to do more of. And yes she had told me about guys hitting on her once or twice. Not at all surprised. I consider both of us attractive. But she went out maybe only 4 times with this one high school friend without me. Prior to that on occation with other girls from work for GNO… I never mind it as she usually came home finally excited to see me… and a little more relaxed than normal (Wine). Just last Friday girls at work were having a B-day party… I had planned a night out with the guys since she was going out with the girls… (have not had a guys night out is forever and honestly not really interested in it) Well she kept saying she was not going to go… So I never planned anything with the guys… Friday comes and the girls convincer her to go… I told her that I was not going to plan anything with the guys…. Her reply was that she hoped not because she wanted to come home to me…. So here I am getting excited… I end up picking her up, not at midnight like was planned but at 2… Lo and behold, she is tired… and yes I am sure she was… So was I…. but I waited for her AGAIN…

I did not say a word about sex but the next day she knew I was upset. She read it on the computer…LOL. Long story short… she says she is not going out again cause it is what is causing our fights…. Why can’t she see that is not causing them… I could care less that she goes out.. I do not want to smother her… But if she hints to a night with me, then why could she not follow thru by leaving the party sooner knowing I am waiting.

 

Have you tried being affectionate and doing things for her without expecting anything in return???

I always do. Maybe not when I am so frustrated, but I will always give her a massage, rub her feet while sitting watching TV, rub her head and comb me fingers thru her hair. Just because I know she loves that. And I am trying really hard now to not show my interest during this current phase..

 

…..Make it about making the relationship better.

Done that. When she got mad about MC, I stated that even if it is not to fix anything, we could use it to make us better.

 

As a side note have you googled marriage builders?

Will do that. Thanks for your input. I truly need women’s input here cause I have been beaten down enough to think I am the problem. But since reading more and more post on these sites… at least a few women get it. Seems that sex is always one sided and or used as ransome for a majority of troubled marriages. Not typically the source of a problem but always a factor.

[GreenEyedLady]

Any women like to speak up on this question? Is my desire for change ligitamate or should I just fall back in line and be a good little soilder? How important is it to you to make your H happy and do you go out of your way to do so... If deserved that is...

 

Why would you fall back in line?

 

Sex is a definite need for most people, me included.

 

I want my H to be happy and I want to be happy too.

 

I love sex with my H, and I would be upset and even mad, if he continually rejected me. (Actually this exact thing happened in my first M and I said "Sayonara" to him. Long story, and we got divorced.)

 

I have sex with my H for "us" not just him. It helps build that close, intimate bond.

 

She's denying you intimacy and I'm wondering why.

 

GEL

[Shutterb]

Why would you fall back in line?

Probably in part my upbringing, the fact that I love her, and a hugh part because of our children.

Divorce has never been a option because I think everything can be fixed... But that is an issue if only one is "plugged in".

[Shutterb]

There could be several reasons for your wife's behavior. One that comes to mind is childhood abuse. Some people get promiscuous, others a form of frigidity. Has she had a full health check. Blood work up, thyroid check and hormone levels? What type of upbringing did she have. I mean was sex talked about like it was only for procreation or recreation? With her refusal to go to counseling, leads me to believe there is something deep down she doesn't want to face. And could just be your sex drives are different. Just a couple of thoughts

 

Her parents are divorced... A Little bit of a mental issue on her moms part. W shows some of the same characteristics now and again. but not bad. Her dad is emotionless, plain and simple. Mom, too much emothion... No abuse that I know of but not exactly all laughter. They were not religious but not sure how sex was treated growing up. I can tell you that at times I think she feels guilty letting herself go, and sex is somehow bad.. But it was not that way in the first years together.

 

Sex drives are very different now.. But we were a perfect match early on...

[Vet]

Probably in part my upbringing, the fact that I love her, and a hugh part because of our children.

Divorce has never been a option because I think everything can be fixed... But that is an issue if only one is "plugged in".

 

While your convictions in marriage are admirable, you do need to be realistic. Divorce is an option, it has to be. If she knows that she can take advantage of you, walk all over you, and things will remain the same because divorce isn't an option, then why would she change to make you happy? I'm not saying that divorce is the first resort, but you have to be willing to walk away if you want this to change.

[Shutterb]

I hear you Vet. that is why I keep adding the BUT after...

I know this is is getting closer that expected... I am just going crazy. In essence this board is acting as a EA for me and speeding up things. Just to know there are women that understand... sex Is what makes men happy and they WANT to make their Man Happy. Ugh

 

Is there any books that anyone would recommend... 5 Languages...? others? Something that I could read but more to the point, something I could get W to read.

 

I checked out the Marriage Builders web site. A lot of material to go thru there.

[Shutterb]

last night was a little distructive... come home, cook dinner as W takes little one to gymnastics... she comes home, and goes to FB.. Finally she comes out to eat... I do the dishes, go fold clothes and clean up the cats room... W sits with daughter watching TV... I just about blew... So I go and start drinking heavily after I put the kids and wife to bed as the fell asleep on the couch... Got to stop that distructive behaivior.

[justpassingthrough]

Just to know there are women that understand... sex Is what makes men happy and they WANT to make their Man Happy. Ugh

 

We women know that sex is necessary in a marriage because that's what makes men feel loved. It's not a clean house or a hot meal, it's the emotional, intimate connection that men get from sex and sex alone. Smart women know the happier we make him, the happier he'll make us.

 

It's give and take, but there can't be taking without giving. That's an unbalanced relationship, as yours is. You give. She takes. However she doesn't give, at least in the way you need her to give, which is sex.

 

I can't tell you what to do to solve your problems because I'm no expert. I do suggest you think about how much you're giving and how little you're getting in return.

[WalkInThePark]

I am really shocked by the amounts of threads about women who do not or hardly want to have sex with their husband. Also by how many stories I have already heard about women who all of a sudden decide that they don't want to have sex with their H anymore or just do it as some kind of obligation they owe him. For god's sake, sex gives so much pleasure and satisfaction and intimacy, why do these women act as if it's a chore?

 

I can simply not imagine to love a man and not have sex with him. Explanations such as being tired or having a headache or BS in my eyes. Sex does not ask a lot of energy and you can do it with so many different energy intensities. And as far as small physical complaints as headache or stomach ache are concerned, I think that sex is actually a good remedy against them.

 

If my H or longtime partner would not be sexually interested in me anymore, I would feel very rejected. And I can understand that a man feels that way too.

 

So to Shutterb, I can understand your feelings. Unfortunately, I have no clue what you can do about it. You probably need to tell her that if she does not change her attitude towards intimacy with you, your marriage is in danger. But maybe she might then give in a bit but if it's just to avoid that you leave the marriage, it won't give you a lot of satisfaction either.

[WalkInThePark]

We women know that sex is necessary in a marriage because that's what makes men feel loved. It's not a clean house or a hot meal, it's the emotional, intimate connection that men get from sex and sex alone. Smart women know the happier we make him, the happier he'll make us.

 

Sorry but this sounds so wrong to me. As if sex is just a device that is necessary to make a marriage work.

Some women also get an emotional, intimate connection from sex, feel loved and happy by it.

Where is the FUN and PLEASURE in all this? Sex is not something a woman gives to her man in order to keep him in the marriage. It should be something she also enjoys.

[Vet]

I am really shocked by the amounts of threads about women who do not or hardly want to have sex with their husband. Also by how many stories I have already heard about women who all of a sudden decide that they don't want to have sex with their H anymore or just do it as some kind of obligation they owe him. For god's sake, sex gives so much pleasure and satisfaction and intimacy, why do these women act as if it's a chore?

 

I can simply not imagine to love a man and not have sex with him. Explanations such as being tired or having a headache or BS in my eyes. Sex does not ask a lot of energy and you can do it with so many different energy intensities. And as far as small physical complaints as headache or stomach ache are concerned, I think that sex is actually a good remedy against them.

 

If my H or longtime partner would not be sexually interested in me anymore, I would feel very rejected. And I can understand that a man feels that way too.

 

So to Shutterb, I can understand your feelings. Unfortunately, I have no clue what you can do about it. You probably need to tell her that if she does not change her attitude towards intimacy with you, your marriage is in danger. But maybe she might then give in a bit but if it's just to avoid that you leave the marriage, it won't give you a lot of satisfaction either.

 

One caveat I would point out is that in the posts of men that complain that their wife has suddenly stopped having sex with them, we're only getting one side of it. We don't really have the whole story, no matter how objective he's trying to be. We know what he knows, and he doesn't always know.

[Shutterb]

Thanks WalkInThePark. As stated in the beginning of the relationship it was great… She enjoyed and went out of her way to make it that way. She would buy sexy lingerie and the like to make it great. A part of me believed that it was just to send me head over heals.. And as soon as I was hooked, her job was done.. I can’t tell you how many times I had asked since that time, “the only thing I want for a gift is something sexy for her to wear. Nothin… Again, I DO NOT MATTER

 

Well here is an update. Friday. Tried to be the best Husband I could be. Hid my feeling and was all about making sure tension was put at ease. Cooked, did the dishes, fixed our PC LOL and the like. Wife rented 2 movies.. He's Just Not That Into You… and I Love You Man. If you have see He Just Not That Into You, you will see how ironic that is.. One of the H cheats on his W.. The W finally admits to a friend that she is not surprised because they do not have sex anymore.

Well we were cuddling and being intimate the whole night but no push from me and no initiation from her for sex. I took myself to bed around 1 before the second movie was over. And she said she was following but no.

 

Sat woke up at 5 and got everything taken care of in the house and with Dogs. Then began to workout… I felt good, then I went on a bike ride for 1 hour and 45 min. Family was awake by the time I got home. No tension still.. W stated that I should have woken them up to go riding. I chuckled and said right. That pissed her off and I just had to say that I would have gotten in trouble for waking her up so early… especially since she was up late the nighrt before. We brushed that off I went to work on the backyard and garden as she vacuumed and took oldest to an activity. She came home and talked to our neighbors as I completely de weeded the gardens. Oh but she did help me clean up a bit. We went to family gathering and come home. Started watching another movie together and cuddled. Same as Friday. But she fell asleep early so I help her up to go to bed… She expected me to go with but I was not ready to go.. (now let me state that just on Friday, we had cable ran to both girls room. That had gotten our oldest out of our bed but not the youngest yet so there was no invitation there). I had not been drinking but had 2 bears after she was in bed but stopped at that. I then went to bed. Oh about 3 in the morning, I think she got up to go to the BR and so I woke up. I rolled over to cuddle and she gave me the same disgusted shrug reaction. I showed disgust back that I could not touch her and boom, the yelling match starts. It my fault that I should know that she is tiered and not wanting to cuddle. And that she was half asleep and she is cranky when in that state. That is all I did… Just cuddle. I was tired too and not in any way looking for anything else. Well an hour later we said our sorry’s and went to sleep.

 

Sun doing okay. Again I am trying to calm down the situation and be the best H I can be. She is showing some affection back and we seem to be past the night before. Another day at her families and my families gathering for out of town relatives.

 

Took the family on an hour bike ride. Wife was happy and affectionate. I asked her earlier if her stomach was acting up and she said no a bit gassy but no pain.. By the way, it is food related as far as we can tell and she knows what makes it better and worse. Well she takes our littlest to bed. When she goes out of the room I ask her why our daughter does not want to sleep in her bed and she replies Mommy wont let me.. Ugh.

 

Well I go in to cuddle… and whisper, any chance you will stay up after we get D to sleep. She replies, No I just want to sit here and have you cuddle me. I show some disgust and turn into a cold fish. She says baby steps. My response to that was, I do not want to start another fight but can you explain what you meant by Baby Steps. I am in a position that I need to regain your Love… It’s ON after that…. I come clean and lay it all on the line. How I feel, Why I feel it and how much is affecting every aspect in my live right now. That I have been stating such in small portions and it not sinking in. So after a bit more arguing she goes So it is all about sex… No it about me feeling love and wanted.. and yes sex is a key ingredient to that. That I felt loved and wanted early on and again in June. And I want it back, that it is killing me to think I am having to go back. I start to head to the cough after she starts cussing. She start fine go run away. I told her no I will not run away but felt that that is what I thought she wanted me to do. She states that I began to expect it from her and that it was pushing her away. She says that every night for the past month she has felt nevious to go to sleep, not knowing if I was gong to be upset. She states that if I have felt like this for so long, then why am I still with her… I state because I love you. I repressed my own felling blaming it on other things such as I was a little overweight and the like. I state that you have to see that I have been unhappy. Over and over I have wanted it more than you. I would hope, then throw out hint, till the point where I was down right begging for it. I ask how many times she has initiated it in the past 10 years.. Baring June. It was always me and that does not make me a happy man. Not only do I not get it nearly enough, but that I have to be the one pushing it. But June made me feel truly loved again and when we went back to our old pattern it brought up all of these feeling. She goes on about so this is all about sex. Why can’t you see that I love you…? I stated that I know that you love me I truly do, but for me to feel deeply loved and wanted, sex is the key.. This is a guy thing and that is how nearly every male feels truly love. She says BS..I point her back to the movie from Sat night. She states Oh you are referencing a movie… its just a d**m movie. I tell her that she needs to read up some on marriage or we need to do something to work on this. Because right now I concider our marriage in dire trouble if we do not. I tell her that I am not going to initiate sex for the time being. That when she feels able and ready to make me happy, then she needs to initiate it.. She states, so you are not going to even kiss me. I said, no, what I said was I was not going to show any interest in sex. But if you want me and our marriage, I need you to initiate it after you have time to heal from this fight and want to WORK on our marriage.

 

Well she storms off for a bit. I am scared of what I have just caused. She comes back.. Obviously crying and shaking. No more words but I did scoot over and began to cuddle. Scary moment but she grabbed my hand and held it tight. I asked her if she wanted me to cuddle and she said yes it was nice. I just want you to hold me she says. I told her that I loved her SO much and never want to let her go. I states that I am sorry for doing this but I hope you can understand why I did. I then held her until she stopped shaking. And we went to sleep.

 

Obviously this is not exactly how everything played out or all that was said but a good bit of it and it paints a good picture of the discussion. I know from the discussion, that she feels that sex is not important in a marriage, and she feels pressured to do it. And does not feel it is right to do it when she is not into it. I hope she now knows how deeply important it is to me and not that just the act alone is what I want but for her to want to make me happy. For me to feel like I am desired and love deeply by my wife which comes by the act of making love. And that the lack of sex makes me feel that my own needs do not matter.

 

This morning, so far so good. No signs of hatred but a lot of touching and kissing initiated by her. At Lunch she curled up to me on the couch. Signs that she wants to work on this and is not ready to get out but we will see how this plays out.

 

I am sorry for making this so long but I want to use this as a journal of sorts, documenting this situation. Hopefully this can be useful to others and who knows, if my wife wants to read it in the future or we ever get to MC, then I have everything laid out and ready for analysis. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[Shutterb]

Last night I suprised my W with flowers and a card to just reinforce that I do love her and want to be loved by her.

This morning she suprised me and woke me up early. Very nice. She initiated it and enjoyed it. Heck I was the one feeling awkward.

I know this issue is not closed but a nice start. And a good feeling to know she listened and is willing to work on us. Just need to watch myself still so she does not end up resenting me for it. Need to see about so pro active marriage building, courses, classes or retreats. Again not to fix any specific thing but to bring us closer together.